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Wayne Rooney admits he is terrified about losing his looks. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Blatter orders 5000 orange boiler suits from his secret lair. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
NHS withdraws "Five A Day" advice. 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

"Cutting down to one a day can reduce the chances of you getting E-Coli by 80%", a NHS spokesman said today...

Apple introduces online organs trading app shop, EyeDonate 0
ronseal 4 years
Welsh sheep farmers contract E Collie 0
FraserWords 4 years
England players learn to speak Swiss 0
FraserWords 4 years

England’s coaches have revealed their secret weapon for Euro 2012 success against Switzerland at Wembley – the players have been learning the Swiss language., The ploy is believed to have...

Chinese theology student trades an eye for an i-pad 0
charlies_hat 4 years
Wild card entry to Monaco Grand Prix offereed to Mrs Chris Huhne 0
ronseal 4 years
Babar Ahmed apologises to police for ‘running into their fists’ 0
Lemonrinse 4 years

A Muslim man who previously claimed he had been viciously beaten up by police today admitted it was all ‘a big fib, they are the victims’. Mr Ahmad, who has been detained without charge or trial...

German E Coli spreads, starts massing on Polish border 2
JohnA 4 years

Xenophobic hysteria starts here...

BetFred West to bury Tote 0
bonjonelson 4 years
Elephant dung in the room caused E-Coli outbreak, scientists annouunced today 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years
Cat Stevens arrested in attempt to procure firearm 0
Iscariot 4 years

Stevens may also be charged with other offences after the police examined some of his music dating back 40 years. The charges are expected to include bestiality; Stevens is widely reported to have...

Asda-clothed child who defied school bullies awarded George Cross 1
4 years

Let's all go to Tescos, where gypsies buy their best clothes...

Cameron sends Clegg to Brobdingnag to study big society. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Ratko Mladic Faces Additional Charges 0
Deimos 4 years

Following new evidence that has only come to light over the last 2 weeks, the International Criminal Court has added new charges to those Mr. Mladic is already facing. This new video evidence shows...

Right Said Fred ‘too sexy to be allowed to buy the Tote’ 1
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
F1 returns to Bahrain after receiving reassurances about the safety of its money 1
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Cat Stevens Granted Restraining Order Against A Moonshadow 4
mugwump 4 years
Care Commission to inspect Mutant Academy 0
Milo Shame 4 years

Following on from a review of the private care sector in England and Wales, the Quality and Care Commission has announced that it plans to extend its regime of unannounced inspections to include...

Cameron struggles to find "name brand" for political strategy 2
mongeese 4 years

It emerged yesterday that Downing Street wordsmiths have been experimenting with a range of political branding ideas after the Prime Minister and former PR man, David Cameron, was reported as being...

Her Majesty the Queen facing fitness battle for Derby 11
rickwestwell 4 years

Following the recent series of injury scares for Queen Elizabeth II, her trainers have said they expect to make a decision in the morning on whether Her Majesty will be fit to run in the classic...

Man on Clapham omnibus retires aged 172 0
pthr 4 years

After over a century of public service, the man on the Clapham omnibus has stepped down from office. His career began in 1903, when Master of the Rolls Sir Richard Henn Collins employed him as a...

EU to send cucumbers to UK to reduce constipation. 0
Ostsee 4 years
Brazilian deforestation 'Inevitable when you think about it' claims expert 13
rickwestwell 4 years

The Brazilian rainforest was for thousands of years a wonder of the natural world, but nature-loving environmentalists now lament recently changing attitudes which have had a devastating effect on...

Dr Death dead 0
roybland 4 years
Mladic fear of being sentenced to UK care home 0
roybland 4 years
Infected cucumbers ‘could have been planted by terrorists’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Fraud Squad called in after viewers watch ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Many people "hiding illegal immigrants under their hats", says Daily Mail (edit) 6
SingingHinny 4 years

The Daily Mail has published a startling editorial, in which it alleges that it has recorded footage of liberally-minded people entering UK ports and airports with illegal immigrants and...