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Penguin admits cycling to win 100km ‘march’

A penguin who holds the record for being the fastest flightless bird to complete his arduous winter march between the ocean and ancestral breeding grounds has admitted to using a...

DustyBinLaden 19.01.13 12:38pm
Lance Armstrong banned from all forms of physical exercise. That'll teach him... 1
AReader 19.01.13 12:28pm
Lance Armstrong launches the Big Stoned Bike Ride...

Admitting that cycling is irredeemably fucked as a genuine sport, Lance Armstrong has announced that the inaugural Big Stoned Bike Ride will take place in Amsterdam in 2014. “It will be an...

Tripod 19.01.13 12:19pm
Wife of "The Name of the Rose" author admits to being Eco-friendly 3
Smart Alex 19.01.13 12:17pm
Armstrong questions punishment: 'Surely I should be in jail?' 0
One Line Only 19.01.13 11:03am
One Line Only
Fisherman’s Friends ‘not actually friends’

A small advert placed in the Cornish Gazette nearly 15 years ago has revealed that not only had Port Isaac Fisherman’s Friends never been ‘friends’ at the time the close harmony band formed...

Gerontius 19.01.13 10:54am
Oprah interviews dope pedaller 0
Smart Alex 19.01.13 10:53am
Smart Alex
Miranda joins ‘Splash’ to inject more humour 2
Dick Everyman 19.01.13 9:43am
Downmarket society magazine 'Cheshire Strife' launches to great acclaim

With dazzling photographs from the new year's eve 'Black eye ball' held at Wetherspoons in Manchester, publisher Archant is convinced that its latest publication 'Cheshire Strife' will capture the...

antharrison 19.01.13 9:37am
Forecasters baffled as Walford East London miraculously snow free.

More dum dum .. dum dum dum dum...

MADJEZ 19.01.13 9:34am
Scottish prospector discovers giant nugget of lard

A prospector from Montrose who found a 25lb nugget of lard washed up on the beach at St.Cyrus says he has sold the delicacy to a local chip restaurant., Culinary experts say the lard, believed to...

Gerontius 19.01.13 6:05am
"Catch It, Bin It, Kill It" campaign fails to kill off George Osborne

The infamous George Osborne ([i]Georgeus Gideoliver Osbornosus[/i]) bacterium has failed to be controlled yet again, for more than it's third time in office. "We know the filthy germ thrives in...

TheModerator 18.01.13 8:29pm
Napper's 'banned' Queen portrait - nothing to do with me says Cecilia Gimenez 0
laughingjay 18.01.13 7:02pm
Scrap Metal Thieves Annual Conference To Be Held Next To The Angel Of The North

"If you can't beat it, join it," said a spokesman...

Jesse Bigg 18.01.13 6:16pm
Jesse Bigg
'Boozy Dart Throwers To Blame For One-Eyed Barmen'.....

Says Health & Safety spokesman...

Jesse Bigg 18.01.13 5:58pm
Jesse Bigg
Downing Street, Next In Line For Slum-Clearance....

'Too many boozy parties and bad language'said a police spokesman...

Jesse Bigg 18.01.13 5:57pm
Jockeys On Strike At Huddersfield Racecourse.....

Too steep a climb to the winning post!...

Jesse Bigg 18.01.13 5:55pm
Jesse Bigg
Scientists identify the gene which makes women find Miranda funny. - 23

In the greatest scientific breakthrough of the new century biochemists have found the reason only women find the mindless slapstick or Miranda Hart so hilarious. A gene which is responsible for a...

MADJEZ 18.01.13 5:27pm
Eddie Izzard voted best comic at TV awards 0
Perks 18.01.13 4:09pm
F1 announces next British Grand Prix to be helt at Longleat Safari Park 1
18.01.13 3:44pm
World War II lard washed ashore in Irish meat-rendering factory... 0
Tripod 18.01.13 2:29pm
Following 'Skyfall' success, studio announces reboot of 'Our Man Flint' 0
18.01.13 2:19pm
Arsenal reveal new deal for Walcott - 'We'll pay you to play football for us' 0
custard cream 18.01.13 2:07pm
custard cream
Barclays CEO promises "Our new ethical benchmark will be 'Diamond' standard." 5
dvo4fun 18.01.13 2:05pm
custard cream
Sales of bike gear 'sky high' 0
One Line Only 18.01.13 12:53pm
One Line Only
Bradley Wiggins to sponsor “Bike Size” Shredded Wheat

The makers of the UK’s favourite breakfast cereal is to launch a new “bike size” version of the product in time for next year’s Tour de France. The giant breakfast food will only be...

nickb 18.01.13 12:50pm
Lance Armstrong sentenced to death for eating healthily

Confesses to eating fruit, vegetables and salad regularly. Oprah ‘horrified’...

Reg Herring 18.01.13 12:39pm
Reg Herring
Satire website found to contain 30% Seabiscuit 8
pinxit 18.01.13 12:36pm
Dreamliner batteries to be marketed as chemical weapons

In a controversial change of marketing strategy, the batteries that have caused Boeing’s 787 Dreamliner fleet to be grounded are being offered to power-crazed despots and terrorist organisations as...

Midfield Diamond 18.01.13 12:34pm
Midfield Diamond
"Check on neighbours in cold weather" urges Minister

Newly appointed Minister for the Elderly, Quentin Forsdyke, today issued a plea to people in remote areas to check on their older neighbours. As swaths of Britain became blanketed in up to 30cm of...

Son of Barnabas 18.01.13 12:29pm
custard cream