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Scientists who cured mice of blindness hope to sew their tails back on soon. 1
dominic_mcg 19.04.12 8:45am
Lord Coe launches countdown to ’50 days to go’ countdown

With London 2012's '100 days to go' countdown firmly behind him, Lord Coe is keen to build on its success by launching a countdown to the '50 days to go' countdown. Coe has hand-picked a team of...

19.04.12 8:43am
Traumatised woman, 19, tells of Premier League footballer hell

A TRAUMATISED young woman has described the horrifying moment she was treated with dignity and respect by a Premier League footballer., Wiping away tears, the 19-year-old hairdresser from Preston,...

clicktingstampz 19.04.12 7:24am
Austrian village Fucking to change name to the village formerly known as Fucking

The Austrian village of Fucking is to vote on a name change in an attempt to escape the constant ridicule and attention the name attracts the hamlet. Road signs bearing the village’s name are...

Ian 19.04.12 6:45am
Screaming kid with bad handwriting 'got a Ryvita for his birthday'. 1
malgor 19.04.12 6:41am
'Copycat' fan blames Coronation Street for his dull argumentative lifestyle

A Cheshire man obsessed with ITV's Coronation Street is blaming the long-running soap for his 'meaningless and confrontational existence'., The man who cannot be identified for legal reasons claims...

Underconstruction 19.04.12 6:09am
Bolton request stop to recovery prayers as Muamba starts to develop super powers 8
charlies_hat 18.04.12 11:54pm
Olympic Travel Advice: Londoners Should Plan Extra Month Into Mass Migration

Transport for London and the Olympic Organising Committee have revealed travel plans for the games for those lucky enough to have tickets to the events, and those meant to be working during the two...

thisisall1word 18.04.12 10:39pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Hollywood to make China murder movie "as soon as someone understands it"

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Danny Davito and Ewan McGregor are all slated for major roles in a Hollywood retelling of the Neil Haywood case, which is due to start filming in Pinewood and Chonqing...

nickb 18.04.12 10:35pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Even Danish cartoonists "not going anywhere near" Breivik satire yet 1
grumblechops 18.04.12 10:26pm
Annie Lennox found alive and well in hotel bathtub

Tributes to the hugely popular recording artist Annie Lennox were pouring in last night after she was found lying in approximately eighteen inches of lukewarm bathwater, apparently none the worse for...

Gary Stanton 18.04.12 10:12pm
Damien Hirst delights art world with 'Giant Greggs Pasty in Cameron's botty'

Celebrated artist Damien Hirst has unveiled what he believes to be a "True dovetailing of northern and southern britain" in his new work "Giant Greggs pasty shoved up David Cameron's botty" and which...

antharrison 18.04.12 8:37pm
The evidence: Simon Cowell not full of Shit

Extracts from Tom Bowyer's forthcoming unauthorised biography have revealed that Simon Cowell is addicted to daily Colonic irrigation treatments. A source close to Cowell stated that the problem had...

newdave 18.04.12 8:36pm
Sex act ponders name change to avoid confusion with Austrian village 0
Yikes 18.04.12 8:30pm
Tibetan monks protest at high cost of petrol 2
Mandy Lifeboat 18.04.12 8:22pm
Isle of Wight "falling into information black hole".

Al OPecia 18.04.12 7:49pm
Al OPecia
Agitated Juan Carlos abdicates owing to 'Elephant in the Tomb' 0
pinxit 18.04.12 6:06pm
King Juan Carlos misses elephant, shoots himself in the foot. 0
yussle 18.04.12 5:51pm
Spain Strikes Back following Argentina’s Annexing of Oil Company

Spain has today told Argentina to stop using Spanish as it’s language of choice (or give back the shares it has stolen YPF - the oil company owned by Repsol). They have until midnight to make...

HenryMJUK 18.04.12 5:41pm
London ready for 2013 Olympics claims government

More follows next year...

apepper 18.04.12 5:29pm
Mensa introduce associate member category “Lensa” for very attractive simpletons

In a move publically stated to be to combat elitism, but privately acknowledged to be to increase their chances of getting a date, Mensa has created an associate member category called “Lensa”...

Yikes 18.04.12 5:25pm
Juan Carlos tries to blame Ashley Giles. 'It was King of Spin.' he protests. 0
weematt 18.04.12 5:02pm
Olympic motto revealed: "London 2012 costing too much"

The BBC pretty much wrote that for me...

grumblechops 18.04.12 4:41pm
Council declares 6-yard box at Stamford Bridge as no parking zone

Més sobte...

Ado 18.04.12 4:29pm
"Bog It Up" Home Secretary, May, Heads To Heathrow Again.....

To do 'tick, tack, toe' on some poor sucker immigration officer...

Jesse Bigg 18.04.12 4:12pm
Jesse Bigg
“Stroke turned me into Deputy PM” - Clegg

DEPUTY Prime Minister Nick Clegg told last night's BBC documentary “I Woke Up With Dave” how a stroke he suffered two years ago propelled him to power., He said: “I was with some other LibDem...

clicktingstampz 18.04.12 4:05pm
Italian museum director's suspected heart attack revealed to be just 'art burn' 0
Screenie 18.04.12 3:54pm
Employment Minister: Give a 'hoodie' your job. More soon 1
Old Hat 18.04.12 3:30pm
Boffins in tasteless gag breakthrough

Scientists say they have perfected a computer which can establish precisely how soon after the death of a celebrity it is acceptable to make a tasteless joke at their expense., A team from the...

clicktingstampz 18.04.12 3:13pm
Dave Should Go To Euros Says Mate

After scoring the winning goal in the local Seven a side pub finals Dave’s mate has made the case for him to lead the line for England this summer. It continued his fine form this season, the peak...

Hooch 18.04.12 2:57pm