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After Patsy Kensits 4 th marriage fails she swears to keep away from men 2
arrghgarry 3 years

by joining strictly come dancing...

Asda to inroduce bread Rat ions 0
arrghgarry 3 years

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Millions of wives 'dismayed' by imminent cure for migraine 2
pinxit 3 years
Tesco to launch new "rodent" range of breads 1
Son of Barnabas 3 years

Supermarket giant Tesco today announced the launch of their exciting new bakery products. Marketed under the "Best of Both" brand name, the produce will all feature a nourishing combination of bread...

Googly Milliband and yob frozen pre-fight, unable to decide "Wot E's Lookin At?" 1
wolfie 3 years

Frog-eyed proletariat prince, Ed Milliband, is still frozen mid-conversation outside a London Nightclub this morning as the drunk chav who has yelled "Wot U Lookin At?" has not yet received an...

Maze Prison Decorators Hired to Finish Commonwealth Games Village 0
IABP 3 years
Katy Perry reshoots sesame street dressed in Burka 0
jm 3 years
Army to reduce numbers through natural wastage 0
Sinnick 3 years

[must be material for a FP if someone wants to pick this up]...

Ed Miller Band to split? 1
Obidiah Bobblenob 3 years

The world of rock has been well and truly rocked by rumours that Dave Elder may be about to quit the Ed Miller Band. Dave is the oldest member of the band and was known for his expertise in...

Emma Thompson tells teenagers to use proper English words... 0
be reasonable 3 years

like talentless, horse-faced and harpie. (With complements to the Daily Mash people, who have a similar, but less funny, idea)...

The IRA to release album 3
jp1885 3 years

Following the success of military-based albums, such as The Soldiers - Coming Home and The Central Band of the Royal Air Force, the Irish Republican Army has pledged not to be outdone by releasing...

Tiger Woods partying fiasco 1
simonjmr 3 years

Tiger Woods was yesterday left dismayed and confused when he was asked to party with a Newport woman. Instead of what he expected to be wild rampant sex all he got was an afternoon of soft play, a...

Raoul Moat tasers not licenced for use before seven o'clock at night. 0
Basil_B 3 years

After that all night tasering of Raoul Moats is allowed but must end seven o'clock the following morning...

prostitute Jennifer Thompson says business has dropped off 0
arrghgarry 3 years

after half the western world found out Wayne Rooney had been up there...

Womens Institute fury at Ed Milibands slip of the tongue.. 0
Sharpehunter 3 years

"I mean't to say [i]stunt[/i] double!" insisted a rather bashful Ed Miliband this morning when confronted by press outside his home. The faux pax apparently occured when a Womens Institute Member...

Ground Zero Gay Bar next to Mosque! "My place, however, will have better music.” 0
Sharpehunter 3 years

One of the most brilliant pieces of subtle provocation in recent years. Greg Gutfield from Fox News’ Red Eye announced today via his blog that he is actively speaking to investors and plans on...

Sainsburys to unveil Easter displays next week 0
simonjmr 3 years
UK's new imaging satellites to be built at ex-car factory? 0
Obidiah Bobblenob 3 years

In a newly-announced project, the UK will launch three new space satellites to make high-resolution images of the Earth. Where exactly the satellites will be made has not been confirmed. However,...

Jack Straw: "Labour must reach out to middle-Britain... 0
be reasonable 3 years

and empty their pockets again"...

Recession victims speak of "joy" at £100m satellite camera project 0
rickwestwell 3 years

Representatives of Britain's homeless and out-of-work community have given an enthusiastic welcome for plans to spend £100 million on an advanced orbiting space camera capable of taking...

C4 confirm "Cannibal come dine with me" to have new scoring system 0
Iamthestig 3 years
New snooker tournament format of best of 3 frames still long enough for 40 winks 1
Iamthestig 3 years
Man raises thousands by doing everything for charity 4
Des Custard 3 years

Dave Sanders of Carshalton has delighted his family and friends by raising tens of thousands of pounds doing everything in his life for charity. Dave, 37, said he saw the light after raising three...

Mouse in loaf probably now in mouse heaven , experts agree 0
Gary Stanton 3 years

Mourners turned out en masse yesterday for the funeral of the mouse that was discovered mashed up inside a loaf of bread. The service, lead by local chaplain Dave Phelps, was attended by up to 250...

North Korea Careers Officers Disillusioned at Only being able to Offer Marching 0
IABP 3 years

and Formation Dancing to School Leavers...

French Minister muddles word for 'fellatio' with 'inflation'... 3
be reasonable 3 years

when she meant to say 'our economic policy sucks'...

Touching ceremony honours innocent Afghans killed in war - OK, just kidding 0
Oxbridge 3 years

On the anniversary of the accidental bombing of a village in Afghanistan in which, ooh, quite a lot of people were killed, a moving tribute to the victims was paid by survivors in front of the...

High dudgeon 'in' this season 3
MrChigleysAunt 3 years
US Marines to quit in ‘don’t ask and I won’t tell’ shock 1
Gerontius 3 years

Controversy surrounding the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy adopted by the US Military took an inevitable turn this week when a group of US Marines threatened to quit the force following...

David Miliband's Wife to Close Conference Playing the World's Saddest Tune 0
IABP 3 years

on the World's Smallest Violin...