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dvo4fun 11.03.13 7:56pm
Pathologist confirms Pistorious shot girlfriend in her toilet entrance 0
Backup Brian 11.03.13 6:29pm
Backup Brian
From MEP to MP to HMP

and don't forget your overnight bag...

Rootin Tootin 11.03.13 6:28pm
Guantanamo Bay prepared man for visit to the optician

Guantanamo Bay interrogators have successfully helped a shortsighted Shropshire man prepare for a visit to the optician. Roger Craze (65) from Ludlow said as the date for his biennial eye sight test...

roybland 11.03.13 6:19pm
Falklanders vote to become Caribbean.

*Slight rewrite. Apologies for repost* In a surprise outcome to Sunday's sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and switch allegiance to the Caribbean....

wallster 11.03.13 6:11pm
Shock as Alec Ferguson says intelligible sentence

The football world is reeling at the news that Sir Alec Ferguson has uttered his first intelligible sentence in over 30 years of management. At the end of a press statement, Sir Alec said, "Ye hae...

apepper 11.03.13 6:04pm
Infectious laughter 'no risk' to Miranda Hart audiences say bacteriologists 3
Dick Everyman 11.03.13 6:04pm
The Voice...Papal Edition

In an attempt to get in touch with the younger generation the Catholic Church has decided to elect the new Pope using the format developed from the TV show “The Voice”. Sister Jessie J will join...

irreverendJ 11.03.13 5:41pm
Government warns about the"catastrophic threat" of resistance to antipasta 2
Ian Searle 11.03.13 5:40pm
Obesity Epidemic Blamed On Mirror Conspiracy

[center][/center] The largely unregulated mirror industry is under enormous scrutiny this week following reports that one...

Kurt Degerstrom 11.03.13 5:01pm
Kurt Degerstrom
Builders are 'bricking it' as changes to planning laws mean more housebuilding

Vote, or it goes in the skip...

MikeF 11.03.13 4:28pm
Wave of pensioner protests in new wheelie bin farce

Councillors up and down the country acted quickly to curb rumours that a national IT upgrade would lead to householders having up to 256 different wheelie bins on their property. The rumours sparked...

camz 11.03.13 3:55pm
New Apprentice format slammed by viewers

Regular viewers of BBC1’s The Apprentice have given the new format a big thumbs down. “It’s bollocks” said Derek Baxter of Cradley Heath, Birmingham “instead of having lots of contestants,...

blacklesbianandproudofit 11.03.13 3:44pm
England cricket team vote in sovereignty referendum

The England cricket team went to the polls today in a referendum to decide on their future as a dependency of the United Kingdom and head off a challenge for control over their future from South...

johnnydobbo 11.03.13 2:42pm
Midfield Diamond
Probiotic yoghurts to break the anitbiotic resistance 1
Not Amused 11.03.13 2:31pm
Smokers hoping for ‘X-Men style’ superpowers following genetic mutation TV ads

The latest anti-smoking campaign has had an unforeseen side effect, with the message that smoking causes genetic mutations being misinterpreted by science fiction fans who have long fantasised about...

Vertically Challenged Giant 11.03.13 2:12pm
Coalition to freeze backbenchers until 2015, leaked reports show. 0
Not Amused 11.03.13 1:22pm
Not Amused
Australian backpacker arrives in the UK, finds nothing to complain about

The Department of Health was called in to asses a recent arrival to the UK after reports of strange behaviour. Peter Hallett, 22, who arrived in London from Melbourne, Australia, last Tuesday was...

Scoby Watson 11.03.13 12:17pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Disappointment for children and teachers as school boilers continue to work 1
Ian Searle 11.03.13 12:13pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Isle of Wight features in leaked government defence cutbacks

According to a leaked govenment document the new "Queen Elizabeth" class aircraft carriers will be mothballed upon completion to save billions. The Isle of Wight is to be cut free instead and will be...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 11.03.13 12:08pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Britain's cricket team in trouble in New Zealand

Its a variation...

Rootin Tootin 11.03.13 10:42am
Farage: 'Murdoch left me holding the baby'

In a heart-rending interview, Nigella Farage broke down claiming that media mogul Rupert Murdoch had 'taken advantage' of her and left the UKIP leader 'holding our baby'. Standing on the bridge at...

pinxit 11.03.13 10:40am
Dead Student "Not Brilliant" Admits University

In a break from tradition, deceased student Michael Green was described by Loughborough University as "An average student with ordinary grades" when he passed away last Tuesday. This ends a 30 year...

deceangli 11.03.13 10:30am
Thousands of Christenings null & void as church admits using the wrong font. 5
JETFAB 11.03.13 10:22am
Dick Everyman
North Korea wipes nitrous oxide off list of chemical weapons 2
Dick Everyman 11.03.13 10:11am
Dick Everyman
Pryce to claim that Huhne 'squeezed toothpaste from the middle' 4
Squudge 11.03.13 8:07am
Labour to introduce Wealth & Health Stealth Tax in - The I'm Doing Fine, Fine

Labour's latest policy review has revealed that if elected in 2015, they will introduce stealth taxes on Wealth and Health. Known as the "I'm Doing Fine" fine, it aims to target those in the...

camz 11.03.13 8:02am
50% of UK population does not fancy Kate Middleton, survey reveals

Thank you, Sandy...

Audible Minority 11.03.13 7:31am
Audible Minority
Palace staff thefts - man helping police with equirries 1
Terry 11.03.13 12:56am
Slante Dangle
Overweight woman "will not discuss" Elephant in the womb

more later...

dvo4fun 11.03.13 12:20am