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“No flowers”, say Matthews family, “just a choice of seasonal vegetables"... 1
Doylem 3 years
Bernard Matthews dies: Christmas has come early! say turkeys. 6
Zadok the second 3 years
Face of drunken man found on pub table 3
Pabst Blue Ribbon 3 years

it was under his head. Drink responsibly!...

US Thanksgiving Day rejection of Turkey Twizzlers too much for Bernard Matthews 1
pinxit 3 years
Sinister rumours surround Turkey King Bernard Mathews purported death 2
A Crooked MP 3 years

With the annual festive cull of turkeys fast approaching some sources claim that Mr Matthews has actually gone into hiding after death threats from the provisional wing of the Wattled cock fanciers.,...

Ed Miliband to lead student protest march. 0
DiY 3 years

Today Ed Miliband announced that he will be at the front of the next student protest march to be staged in London as he discovers that brother David gets more pocket money...

Derby Council to place vulnerable children in pedalo protection scheme 0
Gerontius 3 years

In a bid to stop paedo gangs targeting children in and around the city centre, Derby District Council have hit upon the idea of putting all 12-18 year olds in a small fishing boat and setting them...

'Colder than cold place' as Brrritain shivers 4
Bravenewmalden 3 years

As Arctic conditions continued to grip Britain, Met men revealed yesterday that some parts of the country were colder than those parts of the world we normally associate with cold. As temperatures...

Pope says condoms acceptable to prevent spread of Tory peers 0
ianslat 3 years

Pope Benedict has today shocked members of the Catholic church by agreeing that the use of condoms is justified in some situations, such as to prevent the spread of dangerous conditions such as being...

Recession makes man nostalgic for the Cadbury Flake ads... 0
Doylem 3 years

“It was a simpler, more beguiling time, when a good-looking girl could be so engrossed in giving herself oral satisfaction that, caught in a summer shower, she’d ignore the raindrops falling onto...

Kim Jong II prepares for succession of Kim Jong III 2
Nick McCarr 3 years
Of course there should be a cap on immigrants. 2
martin.chew 3 years

In this weather, they should put a scarf on too. (from #bbcqt twitter)...

Next Student fees protest will take place "Right after Supermarket sweep" 0
Iamthestig 3 years

Probably done to death by now...

Whenever You Drop Toast It Always Lands Jesus Face Down, says Sod's Law 5
IABP 3 years
Boy with gift of hindsight becomes most boring kid in school 2
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Unions blame Coalition Government for continued North/South Snow Divide 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Dr.Aco Malfoy denys that his penis had been slithering 0
arrghgarry 3 years

My magic wand has remained in my underpants ,the only time I take it out is to piss on Daniel Radcliffes car...

Year 10 Pupils 'Fully Committed' to Government's Benefit Breeding Programme 0
IABP 3 years
A quarter of those with Babble Warming Virus 'unaware they have diseased minds 0
arflaethel 3 years

A quarter of people with Babble Warming Virus in the UK, over 22,000, are unaware they have the virus, experts from the Royal Society of Experts have suggested. The 2009 estimate is based on the...

German man bricks himself into cellar... 0
Dexter 3 years

"anything to get away from the bloody 'x-factor", he explains...

Panicky Tories To Force Unemployed To Take Part in Xmas Panto's... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.as Cameron's 'Happiness Survey' increasingly seen as a piss take., 'Oh no it isn't!' 'Oh yes it is!'...

Ireland tackles deficit with quantitative cheesing. more soon. 2
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years

I thang you!...

Colleagues surprised after uncompromising New York cop takes prisoners 4
JayGee 3 years
All hell breaks loose in Heaven as all 72 virgins refuse to give a Blowjob 0
arrghgarry 3 years

to Mujahasbeen warrior Mohamed Walker a recent convert...

First time flyer Dairy herd farmer Seamus Ahern doesnt like 0
arrghgarry 3 years

the idea of being patted down at the airport...

Fatal consequences for Jamie Oliver as Christmas advert goes horribly wrong 0
Basil_B 3 years

A tragic script mix up in Jamie Olivers latest christmas advert for Tesco's has seen the cheeky cockney chipper TV chef meet his maker in most bizzare circumstances as the turkey he was supposed to...

Ministers sorry, sort of. “What did you expect? We’re Tories, for God’s sake"... 0
Doylem 3 years
Taliban, Hamas and Kim Il Jong still can't agree on a pub for Xmas shindig 3
StoopyDeGunt 3 years
Jesus appears in vision to ask ' what all this toast nonsense'. 0
Basil_B 3 years
North face seen in Switzerland. 0
Dexter 3 years

Ei(ger) thank you...