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"Flowers would have been nice", sniffs Abu Qatada

While enjoying his release from prison and the opportunity to catch up on the daytime television shopping channels, Abu Qatada has revealed his sense of disappointment in affairs of the heart. "I'm...

3
cinquecento 14.02.12 3:05pm
chiljang
The seemingly endless Carlos Tevez saga took a bizarre turn today ..

.. as he arrived in Manchester to be told he'd been transferred to Glasgow Rangers. Roberto Mancini said, "I believe he can do a job for Rangers that he couldn't manage here at Manchester City."...

0
Gourd Almighty 14.02.12 2:55pm
Gourd Almighty
Middle-Earth in crisis as Rangers go bust

One for LOTR fans!...

0
apepper 14.02.12 2:19pm
apepper
Man still bitter about £1.75 he spent on Valentine card

Nineteen-year-old Poundland checkout worker Jake Doyle says he is still bitter about the Valentine card he sent to a colleague he fancied. 'I guess I should have got over it by now,' he says, 'but I...

0
roybland 14.02.12 2:06pm
roybland
Watchdog criticizes GayDay loans for causing spiral into male prostitution. 0
MADJEZ 14.02.12 1:56pm
MADJEZ
Cameron Vows "If French Attack The Argies First....."

."We'll be right behind them as usual."...

1
Jesse Bigg 14.02.12 1:55pm
Perks
6music celebrates 10th year by handing original listeners over to Radio 2

As 6music celebrated its tenth year of appealing to 31-33 year-olds who pretend to enjoy obscure music released between 1993 and 1995, listeners over the age of 40 are being forceably bundled into...

11
14.02.12 1:52pm
Perks
Coldplay still the strongest sedative available without prescription. 0
MADJEZ 14.02.12 1:51pm
MADJEZ
Beverley Hilton dead from Press overdose

Eighties legend Beverley Hilton was found dead in Los Angeles today. She had been overcome by a massive wave of Press hysteria and intrusive speculation. Complete strangers were seen rummaging in...

0
Son of Barnabas 14.02.12 1:50pm
Son of Barnabas
Apache pilot and gunner, Prince Harry, disobeys order to fire at Will 2
Smart Alex 14.02.12 1:47pm
Perks
Safety officer’s head explodes after Brian Cox attends ‘Speed Awareness’ course

The organiser of a speed awareness course in Cheshire has been confounded to death by physicist Brian Cox. Professor Cox decided to attend the course rather than collect three points on his driving...

8
14.02.12 1:46pm
Perks
Tributes pour in for homeless drug addict

People from all walks of life have been paying tribute today to Jake Riley, a homeless heroin addict who died at the weekend aged just 34. Often seen huddled in shop doorways around Leicester city...

10
Vertically Challenged Giant 14.02.12 1:42pm
Perks
Equivocal Valentine’s cards for unfulfilling relationships

Clinton Cards launches range of equivocal Valentine’s cards for unfulfilling relationships Following complaints from customers who find themselves in relationships lacking the life-long commitment...

12
Long Distance Clara 14.02.12 1:39pm
Perks
BMWs replace handcart as preferred mode of transport, says latest Sinners' Poll 0
pinxit 14.02.12 1:02pm
pinxit
BBC unveils its latest 'maverick judge with a difference' drama - Strasbourg

The BBC has unveiled its latest drama series about an unconventional lawmaker who acts on hunches and does things his own way. 'Strasbourg' follows the adventures of Jurgen Strasbourg, a judge with a...

0
ronseal 14.02.12 12:56pm
ronseal
South Atlantic tensions "back from brink" as Argentina returns Tevez

With news that Carlos Tevez is back in Manchester today the world issued a collective sigh of relief. The British army has been stood down to an amber footing as the threat of all out war recedes. ...

0
grottymonty 14.02.12 12:49pm
grottymonty
Tevez Complains: No Trees at Eastlands

When challenged Tevez said: Woof, woof woof, woof, woof woof woof snarl ....

0
HenryMJUK 14.02.12 12:30pm
HenryMJUK
Omnipotent deities need more protection in UK, urges Baroness Warsi 0
cinquecento 14.02.12 12:27pm
cinquecento
Radio 4 announcers admit to sneaky late-night waltzes to ‘Sailing By’

Late-night Radio 4 announcers and studio staff often take their partners for a slow waltz to the lilting strings of ‘Sailing By’, the music played before the late-night shipping forecast, it has...

7
Clarky 14.02.12 12:27pm
Midfield Diamond
Find true love with genuine meat marquee and dry meat confidence

Do you crave it like I do? I honk for it, sadly. But now I honk not, thanks to [url=http://bee2beeadvertising.webs.com/meat-market-girl.jpg]genuine meat marquee with the confidence of dry meat[/url]....

15
youbuyitnow 14.02.12 12:19pm
borednow
Kneejerk move to ban cliches from headlines comes under fire 1
Nick McCarr 14.02.12 12:17pm
writinginbsl
Argentina to extend naval boycott to Duran Duran’s ‘Rio’ yacht

Argentina's transport workers' union says it will extend its recent naval boycott to Duran Duran’s private yacht as used in the iconic video for the band’s 1983 hit single Rio. The union -...

0
Gary Stanton 14.02.12 12:08pm
Gary Stanton
Typical. A man has a baby and we're supposed to be impressed writes India Knight 0
ronseal 14.02.12 11:34am
ronseal
Cameron seeks Dalglish advice on apologising for obnoxious millionaires

David Cameron is set to meet Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish later this month to discuss methods for dealing with rich but repugnant characters who tarnish the good name of the profession they...

2
Midfield Diamond 14.02.12 11:20am
Gourd Almighty
Huge Increase in 3rd rate Whitney Houston jokes causes World Wide Web to crash 0
Mathna 14.02.12 10:50am
Mathna
Movie goers warned Sean Penn's call for Falklands dialogue could lead to film

Cinema Multiplexes across Britain have been put on Bad Movie alert, after Sean Penn issued calls for 'Malvinas dialogue' yesterday. At worst, warn security experts, it could lead to a schamltzy,...

0
ronseal 14.02.12 9:41am
ronseal
Grammy award winner Adeles not so secret weight loss secret revealed

Once famous for her curvier figure, singer Adele was almost a shadow of her former self, rather than the total eclipse that she used to be, when collecting 6 Grammy awards at the weekend. Now a mere...

0
Marko 14.02.12 9:13am
Marko
St Valentines Day Massacre 2 - clumsy oaf stands on kids ant colony 0
Marko 14.02.12 8:52am
Marko
"Blame the Doctor" claim the Houstons as new craze sweeps America

Believed to have started when Whacko Jacko popped his clogs, a new epidemic is sweeping the States called 'Doc Blame', where families of deceased are being targeted by 'no win-no fee' businesses....

0
Marko 14.02.12 8:49am
Marko
Electrical retailers to produce shoddy goods to make warranties worthwhile

Following the investigation by the Office of Fair Trading, retailers – including Currys, PC World and Comet – have agreed to reduce the quality of the products they sell in order that the...

6
ozythelabrador 14.02.12 8:48am
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