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End of cushy life for pampered poultry in major shakeup of battery system 0
sydalg 30.04.13 3:08pm
North Korea accuses Obama of racism as he uses the "N" word. More soon.

Bit late, I know...

Al OPecia 30.04.13 3:07pm
Al OPecia
Paul Daniels said dismissed claims he will be executed as an offering to Zeus…

Confidence trickster Paul Daniels has today denied the rumours that he will offer his earthly body as a sacrifice to the Greek God Zeus. Hellenic Neo-Paganism groups called for the hairless magician...

McKenzie 30.04.13 2:22pm
Three wise monkeys former owners of North Wales care homes gain promotion to BBC 0
irreverendJ 30.04.13 2:00pm
Parsley said to be " gutted" to be left out of Lions squad 2
irreverendJ 30.04.13 1:50pm
Ed Miliband sent to Afghanistan in latest Drone attack

Some more soon...

Sally1985 30.04.13 1:49pm
Pussy pride in uproar over Lions omissions

The union of Lions or Big Pussy Pride as it is commonly known is said to be in uproar following the announcement of Warren Gatland’s squad to tour Australia later in the year., Whilst talk has...

irreverendJ 30.04.13 1:45pm
Prince Charles throws huge party as he learns that the Queen is to abdicate

Prince Charles was today said to be 'deliriously happy' when he heard that the Queen is to abdicate. He was seen rushing round the gardens at Highgrove House in his underwear shouting 'At last!...

John Wiltshire 30.04.13 1:44pm
Son of Barnabas
Mountaineers Fight To Reach Summit Of Everest

This is a rubbish attempt, given the potential of the news story. Surely someone on here can do a much better job?

Titus 30.04.13 1:38pm
Essex bag lady gets herself a vag-jazzle 0
Son of Barnabas 30.04.13 1:38pm
Son of Barnabas
Prisoners must work harder to earn right to stay

Government ministers have today stated intentions that prisoners should not automatically qualify for the right remain living in comfort at the expense of the state, but must instead work harder to...

NewBiscuit 30.04.13 12:34pm
Books and Music to be regulated

Following the Leveson inquiry, it has been decided by the government that they will, should press regulation prove successful, to attempt to regulate books and music for any harmful comments that may...

30.04.13 11:57am
Supermarkets and Clothing Stores Launch Unfair Trade Mark

A consortium of major supermarkets and clothing retailers are set to introduce from next month the Unfair Trade mark, a counterpart to Fairtrade branding, on the majority of products that they stock...

Iggy Pop-Barker 30.04.13 11:41am
Iggy Pop-Barker
Prisoners "must work harder" for privilege of not watching channel 5. 0
sredni vashta 30.04.13 11:40am
sredni vashta
Traditonal Olde Worlde English Pub offers watery gruel and lunchtime hangings. 0
sredni vashta 30.04.13 11:04am
sredni vashta
May May Make Way for McVey

Is the hatchet-faced Home Secretary facing the axe?, In a move designed to appeal to red-blooded male voters,Prime Minister David Cameron has been pressing for his beleaguered Home Secretary, the...

Nimrod 30.04.13 9:46am
Police once again in breach of guidelines on guideline breaching.

It's been confirmed that police broke their own guidelines on guideline breaching no fewer than 2,000 times since their newest guidelines on how and when it's OK to breach their own guidelines were...

Boutros 30.04.13 9:42am
Queen reveals favourite Queen song: The National Anthem 0
McKenzie 30.04.13 9:27am
John Terry shicked at Reginald D Hunter's jokes about Anton Ferdinand 0
Backup Brian 30.04.13 9:00am
Backup Brian
Cyclists revealed as alien invaders

Government scientists today revealed that cyclists are alien invaders, with a mission to make life for Earthlings as horrible as possible. At a press conference, Professor James McAndrew said: 'We...

John Wiltshire 30.04.13 8:36am
John Wiltshire
Bees On Neonicotinoids: Police Raid Hives In Sting Operation 0
Titus 30.04.13 8:20am
Vatican at it again

New attempts at renegade indoctrination by the Vatican have caused outrage amongst hard-line Catholics. They have recently begun bestowing sainthoods on followers for seemingly incongruous acts. In...

bobby5fingers 30.04.13 7:57am
Justin Lumberjack arrested in latest "Yewtree" investigation

Teenage pop heart-throb Justin Lumberjack is the latest celebrity victim of the increasingly desperate "Operation Yewtree" investigations. Special branch detectives mounted a dawn raid on his cabin...

Son of Barnabas 30.04.13 7:53am
Son of Barnabas
Roger Moore admits old age has made him a vaguer Bond. 6
JETFAB 30.04.13 6:32am
Ridley Scott sees release of new directors cut of Hovis advert

Ridley Scott has announced the re-release of his 1973 masterpiece 'Bread Rider' an advertisement for the sliced bread company, Hovis, which will see the extra footage, alternative takes of many...

thisisall1word 30.04.13 6:13am
Children to help the economy by giving back their toys

In a new measure to meet the government's deadlines in speeding the nation's economic recovery, Iain Duncan Smith announced today that children are to give back their toys. "In my experience,...

Social Affairs Correspondent 30.04.13 2:17am
Social Affairs Correspondent
Astrology: "it's rubbish", say Saggitarians 2
Smart Alex 30.04.13 12:08am
Shambala 100% converted to LED lighting. 0
rikkor 30.04.13 12:00am
DWP confirms Univeral Credit doesn't mean it's for everyone 1
custard cream 29.04.13 11:01pm
IDS launches Universal Debit. 1
Sir Lupus 29.04.13 11:00pm