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'Plenty more fish in the sea,' jokes dumped fisherman 0
hughesroland 29.01.12 6:09pm
hughesroland
Archbishop calls for ban on different sex marriage

Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu, has called for the end of different sex marriage. "Were Adam and Eve married? Did Jesus get married? No. It's clear that the Bible is against marriage and the...

2
apepper 29.01.12 5:38pm
apepper
Ed Milliband To Undergo Surgery to Become Electable

The Labour leader has long fought off accusations that his nerdish appearance would hinder his chances of winning the next election. Mr. Miliband often argued with his advisers that voters cared...

2
Hooch 29.01.12 4:34pm
deskpilot3
DHL to deliver Christmas presents in Seasonal Shake up.

In a statement issued from his North Pole headquarters today Santa Clause has announced a sale of 49% of Christmas to a Group of several large multi-nationals and a Private equity buyer., The press...

0
virtuallywill 29.01.12 3:11pm
virtuallywill
Chaotic intermediary charged with Disorderly Conduit. 1
dvo4fun 29.01.12 1:59pm
Countdown's Susie Dent revealed to be a puppet.

Only a few days after shocking the nation by showing a contestant submitting the word 'Wanker', Channel 4 are facing a fresh scandal against their flagship show Countdown (presented at the moment by...

1
WatcherMark 29.01.12 1:19pm
dvo4fun
Retired Nurse with woodwork O Level makes A&E unit out of Garden Shed

Retired Manchester nurse, Betty Doyle, 67, has used woodwork skills learned at Prestbury Modern over 30 years ago, to turn the shed in her back garden into a state of the art Accident and Emergency...

3
Marko 29.01.12 1:16pm
dvo4fun
Other players "We would shake Terry's hand, if only he washed them after a piss" 1
dvo4fun 29.01.12 11:16am
John Ffitch-Rucker
RBS Boss to be stripped of the title “Mr”

Stephen Hester, the RBS Chief Executive who will take a million pound bonus may forfeit the right to be called “Mr”, according to a Government committee which usually deals with knighthoods and...

5
nickb 29.01.12 11:11am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Python cancels public speaking engagement due to frog in the throat 1
Smart Alex 29.01.12 11:09am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Toyota accused of using Gene slicing and modifications to make hybrid cars 0
simonjmr 29.01.12 7:44am
simonjmr
Wide screen TVs now affordable for people not on benefits...

(hat tip to NiB article)...

0
Nick McCarr 29.01.12 7:35am
Nick McCarr
Deep fried bamboo shoots banned from Scottish zoos. 0
ght 29.01.12 12:48am
ght
Dignitas launch new reality TV travel show: Come Die With Me. 1
nickb 29.01.12 12:10am
MADJEZ
NHS Haggis Shortage Shuts Scottish Burns Unit 0
Mathna 28.01.12 11:23pm
Mathna
Newt Gingrich’s Head To Apply For Statehood

Following the the Republican candidates declaration that once 13,000 Americans live on the Moon they can attempt to become a state the colony that resides on his head believe they should too., The...

0
Hooch 28.01.12 11:19pm
Hooch
Robber demands, "Give me all the money or Ill write a negative review on Yelp" 0
Dumbnews 28.01.12 7:54pm
Dumbnews
Czech sex predator allowed into UK says thanks.

Kajus Scuka, 48, who carried out a string of sex attacks after coming to Britain and claiming benefits, thanked UK immigration officials for letting him in as things had recently dried up back home,...

3
Marko 28.01.12 5:27pm
Marko
CERN announce 'possible black hole' if Prof. Brian Cox's head implodes

Scientists at CERN have revealed that fears of them creating a black hole where not totally unfounded however it would not be as a result of the Large Hadron Collider. The creation of the black hole...

5
Perks 28.01.12 2:54pm
dvo4fun
Supermarket mayhem

There was carnage yesterday when short sighted pensioner Ethel Greenwood, 78, took a wrong turn with her shopping trolley, knocking down a carefully displayed stack of beans and a 'buy one get one...

2
Marko 28.01.12 2:33pm
beau-jolly
Sheep in Wolves clothing is actually a Villa fan 0
Marko 28.01.12 1:21pm
Marko
Banks Boss Blasts Bullsh@tters

RBS boss, Stephen Hester, is speaking to lawyers, claiming defamation of character, as his payout was not £1 million as widely reported, but actually the modest sum of £963,000...

3
Marko 28.01.12 12:40pm
Keen marksman Anton Ferdinand receives bullet in post from caring fan.

'They even carved my name in it, such a personal gift' said the appreciative footballer. More soon...

2
MADJEZ 28.01.12 12:15pm
MADJEZ
Scotland Drops Bid To Leave UK After Application To Join Brunei Denied 0
Textbook 28.01.12 10:47am
Textbook
Shopping Trolley Shocker for pensioner

Birmingham pensioner Ethel Greenwood, 78, was shocked to receive a notification of 3 points and a £60 fine when her shopping trolley was clocked at 36mph in a 30 zone., Ethel had been taking her...

1
Marko 28.01.12 10:11am
John Ffitch-Rucker
RBS launch 'Fred Goodwin charity card'

On the day HBOS decided to pull their charity card saying it is not a cost effective of giving to charity, RBS have announced they are to start their own charity credit card. The 'Fred Goodwin...

3
Perks 28.01.12 10:10am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Procul Harem deny calling for sharia law in Nigeria.

We just called for another drink...

0
John Ffitch-Rucker 28.01.12 10:05am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Celebrity Food critic found safe and well

Police have confirmed that pudding and pies connoisseur Jack Horner, missing for 24 hours, has been found safe and well, sat in a different corner., Horner, 4, is believed to have been having...

1
Marko 28.01.12 9:49am
Marko
Pippa Epedemic Predicted

Experts are predicting a sudden upsurge in parents naming their newborn daughters Pippa following last year’s royal wedding. In what is commonly known as the 'Kylie Effect', parents are expected...

5
LizzyG 28.01.12 9:28am
godly1966
Man wins a monkey at William Hill 'bet and pet' night

In a daring bid to get children gambling from an earlier age, William Hill has begun trial evenings termed 'bet and pet' nights. Parents who have no one to watch their child while they gamble, forgot...

2
kga6 28.01.12 9:12am
dvo4fun