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Met Police request foreign mercenaries to help deal with violent demonstrations. 0
bonjonelson 4 years

[more soon]...

Libyan Revels storm more towns, press deeper into Cadbury Buttons territory 0
QorbeQ 4 years
Water canons and vicars serving tea will be used by police at next demo 0
Basil_B 4 years
Northern Rock to axe 680 more jobs - DOES'NT work for me!?!? 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Debenhams retain police suspect blanket contract 9
Bravenewmalden 4 years

Debenhams bosses were said to be 'quietly triumphant' yesterday after it was announced that their company had retained the contract to provide more than 30 UK police forces with the blankets that...

Eastenders epsiode re-edited to remove reference to price of petrol 0
Ian Searle 4 years

"Thank goodness we didn't mention Liz Taylor" says Alfie Moon...

Super glue inventor funeral delayed because undertakers can't get coffin lid off 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Navy withdraws ebay listing for Ark Royal 4
BillyBitzer 4 years
Songs for Japan gives frustrated altruists avenue to help Japan, pad out iPod 1
Tristan Shout 4 years

Care-worn armchair humanitarians with no clue how to help those suffering from the effects of the Japanese earthquake and subsequent tsunami, were finally put out of their fortnight of misery over...

Movie of The Professionals to be made 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

A movie of 70's TV favourite The Professionals is to be made this year. We have seen an advance copy of the script., Cowley: Alright Bodie and Doyle, we need to get after the gang fast!, Doyle:...

Teachers Given Right to Cage Unruly Pupils 1
LizzyG 4 years

Schools Minister Nick 'Gibbo' Gibb announced today that teachers were to be given the right to cage unruly pupils. As part of the governments drive to make teachers as popular as Liberal Democrats,...

Oops! 4
riesler 4 years

forgot what I came up here for. Sorry...

BBC royal wedding team to include Peaches Geldof and Jonathan Ross 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

The BBC has unveiled its top team for the royal wedding. Peaches Geldof has been called up to appeal to the 20-something viewers, while Jonathan Ross's views will be of interest to anyone who loves...

Libyan TV says unconfirmed reports rebels have taken Trafalgar Square 4
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Gadaffi denied chess victory as NATO missile lands on his check mate move. 0
Basil_B 4 years
Police charge 149 protestors but then withdraw in face of barrage of bricks 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Consumers warned not all classical music charts have Go Compare singer at no. 1 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Museums Council no longer to be axed but put on display for future generations 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Window salesmen disguise themselves as anarchists to drum up business 0
Basil_B 4 years
Chopin music to be used in supermarkets 4
simonjmr 4 years
Anarchists threaten royal wedding - William Hague is organising it 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

Anarchists have infiltrated the royal wedding by getting William Hague to organise it, it emerged today., A spokesperson for the anarchists, Ann R Kist, said: 'What a result! This is the perfect way...

Earth hour scuppered by Ant & Dec's Push the Button 0
simonjmr 4 years
Rhino poaching problems solved with innovative hoof-friendly saucepan handle 0
QorbeQ 4 years
Underground replacement bus service 'an authentic and winning experience'. 6
SingingHinny 4 years

The Newcastle Metro operator nexus has been roundly congratulated by regular passengers for providing ‘a seamless transition to the metro replacement service’ and for ensuring that passengers...

Short Frenchman conquers hot wife, "now for middle east" - extended 12" remix 6
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

A short Frenchman, fresh from the conquest of a hot Italian wife, has gone on to campaign in the middle east this weekend.  'It eez true' said the General. ' Last time I watched ze British with...

Gaddafi vows to press on with deficit reduction 0
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

Colonel Gaddafi confirmed last night that reducing Libya's budget deficit remained his top priority, and that "nothing, not even the Zionist Crusaders" would stop him moving into fiscal surplus in...

Prof. Brian Cox’s testicles account for 77% of matter in the observable Universe 5
Manifestations of Baboonery 4 years

Prof. Brian Cox’s testicles account for 77% of matter in the observable Universe, a leading scientist claims STARTLING claims that the scrotum of Brian Cox, keyboard player for Labour’s in-house...

TV news: 'My big, fat, gypsy tart' condemned by Guardian for stereotyping... 0
be reasonable 4 years

before being broadcast on the cookery channel. More cakes soon...

Woman awarded Military Cross complains she has nothing to go with it 2
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Gentleman's Relish supplies now 'critical' after Fortnum and Mason attack. 5
the coarse whisperer 4 years

World markets were sent reeling today with the news that rebel insurgents have seized the main condiments and clothing producing area of London, St James. In the latest move of what commentators are...