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Beatification may be just down the road for the Olympic Flame

With a little over a week to go before the games’ opening ceremony, the Pope is to fast-track an application for recognition of the Olympic Flame as a Saint. “Technically, there needs to be at...

dvo4fun 16.07.12 9:33pm
The Masked Frog
Inverdale may be off the hook after gaffe.

A leading sports presenter at this weekend’s athletics Grand Prix in London may face a BBC professional conduct enquiry, after asking an athlete a question that was neither trite nor predictable....

dvo4fun 16.07.12 9:24pm
custard cream
Bradley Wiggins carried round on dais when not cycling

It has been revealed tonight that Britain's maillot Jaune shoe in Brad Wiggins is carried round on a dais by his teammates when not actually cycling. Not content with being lead up hill and down dale...

grottymonty 16.07.12 9:23pm
custard cream
Olympic flame - now just buggering about waiting for Olympics to start

LOCOG officials have confirmed that the torch has been everywhere they wanted to go and are now just "hanging about in the Home Counties"...

grottymonty 16.07.12 7:46pm
FA Respect Committee fails to agree on correct spelling of (k)nobhead. 1
Catch32 16.07.12 7:12pm
'Jesus Christ ... look at the ratings' says Lloyd-Webber. 0
MADJEZ 16.07.12 7:08pm
Man With Erectile Dysfunction Selected For Limpprick Games. 3
arthurminnit 16.07.12 6:50pm
Sponsorship & 400m Hamburger Hurdles are "completely unrelated" claim organisers

Olympic organisers strongly denied yesterday that their newest track event, in which runners pursue a speeding wire-pulled hamburger before wrestling rivals to the death for a bite of it, was in any...

NewSuburbanDad 16.07.12 6:40pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
David Beckham 'disappointed' with consolation role as Olympic bag-checker 0
Catch32 16.07.12 6:22pm
English defence league take over Olympic security as G4S phone in sick.

A week is a long time in politics. And so is a day. A day in which we have seen the entire workforce of security firm G4S phone in sick in the morning, and in the afternoon the entire English Defence...

The Masked Frog 16.07.12 6:14pm
Home Secretary not quite 100% about where she lives. 0
rustytruss 16.07.12 5:14pm
Hornby Model Railways awarded contract for electrification of Midland mainline 0
Mandy Lifeboat 16.07.12 4:59pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Torch relay on Isle of Wight told to "PUT THAT LIGHT OUT"

Don't you know there's a war on?...

Tomfinger 16.07.12 4:11pm
Olympic Village fete opens with whack the rat: Team GB take first Goldfish

Hat tip to Button who seems to be in bed with everyone at the moment...

charlies_hat 16.07.12 3:03pm
Chris Brown pens new porn novel 'Seven Shades of Shit' 0
bonjonelson 16.07.12 11:25am
2012 TV spoof slammed for not even getting close to a spoof.

BBC apologists have rallied round in support of the TV comedy 2012. "We briefed the writers to make it far-fetched but we simply could not have predicted cock-ups on such a grand scale. Scripts were...

Boutros 16.07.12 11:25am
Troops to get Olympics Conflict medals

Soldiers serving in the militarised East London Province will be awarded medals on completion of their Olympics tour of duty, the Defence Secretary announced today. The move virtually guarantees...

Boutros 16.07.12 10:56am
50 Squirrels of Grey - an insight into Team GB Squirrel licking squad 2
simonjmr 16.07.12 10:55am
Boris Johnson wins landslide election as London 2012 Olympic Village Idiot 0
charlies_hat 16.07.12 10:13am
Woman arrested as 'terrorist' after not caring about Olympic torch in her street 0
kimllfixit 16.07.12 9:35am
Olympic security guards fail "trainers are ok" test

G4S  group confirmed today it had taken on an extra 3,500 personnel to safeguard Olympic sites,  but could not deploy them due to dress code interpretation difficulties. Recruits are struggling to...

NewSuburbanDad 16.07.12 8:47am
Tour de France cyclists blame P.M. Hollande for increase in road tacks

please accept my sincere apologies. I'm 84 you know...

Tomfinger 16.07.12 8:43am
Isle of Wight residents shocked by Olympic Torch relay : "It's still 1948 then?"

more, but not too soon...

FlashArry 16.07.12 8:37am
Future of 'World’s fastest traffic jam' is secure, says Bernie Ecclestone.

“Of course there’s always a risk of a selfish egotist making headlines by breaking the overtaking ban, but most drivers were well behaved” said F1’s marketing supremo after reviewing...

dvo4fun 16.07.12 7:39am
Solar flares attacked as being "So 1970s"

Fashion experts, Trinny and Susannah have reacted with disdain to the increased solar activity. "Flares? No way they should be seen again."...

apepper 16.07.12 7:20am
Isle of Wight to get steam trains. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 16.07.12 7:07am
Al OPecia
Calls for new goal-line technology to also detect irony and sarcasm. More soon.

(Wish I had time to develop further. Anyone welcome to run with it.)...

DorsetBoy 16.07.12 3:40am
MPs directed to address Bob Diamond as "Bobby Baby" at his next hearing. 0
Scroat 15.07.12 9:47pm
Soldiers Volunteer To Return To Afghanistan

The Ministry of Defence has confirmed reports that many soldiers have slapped in requests to return to Afghanistan early rather than be deployed in London during the Olympics. Commanding Officers...

HIGNFY 15.07.12 9:38pm
China offers 2 million security guards for free

Major Yung Wong Su from the Chinese Peoples Employment Bureau has offered to send the United Kingdom two million of its unemployed Scientists to work as security guards at the London Olympic Village....

gaztop 15.07.12 8:42pm