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"I'll pay off your credit card debt" says Cameron

To people who only hear what they want to hear...

greg various 05.10.11 12:03pm
greg various
Greece avoids defaulting by crossing fingers & claiming "fainites - no returns". 0
seymour totti 05.10.11 11:59am
seymour totti
New Apple boss admits defeat, considers quitting

Struggling fruit manager, Juliette Cavaillier, has admitted her best efforts to motivate her department of apples have come up short, and has labelled the fruit 'completely unresponsive'....

Pabst Blue Ribbon 08.10.11 7:10pm
Amanda Knox welcomed home with lethal injection, followed by pardon

Amanda Knox was welcomed home last night, as fury mounted in the US over the Italian legal system. Following a huge swell of interest in the case, America has agreed to show the world how justice...

07.10.11 8:07am
IOW residents 'speechless' as the Jazz Singer hits cinema screen

"Talkies will never take off" said one Shankiln resident yesterday as unheralded crowds of 25 people queued outside the Shanklin Odeon to witness the all singing, dancing and talking Jazz Singer for...

simonjmr 05.10.11 11:29am
UK pubs win rights not to show ESPN football coverage 0
simonjmr 05.10.11 11:21am
Red Bull ‘Irresponsible’ for sponsoring the Extreme Fly-Tipping competition

Britain is gearing up for the finals of the 2011 Extreme Fly-Tipping Championship, but with growing protests from local authorities and residents alike, this year’s seems set to be the most...

Newsquelch 06.10.11 8:42am
Hoops McCann
"Our future lies in magic beans" claims Cameron 0
simonjmr 05.10.11 11:18am
Wilkinson hits back at 'doubters'

In a press conference this morning to announce Jonny Wilkinson fit to play France in the World Cup Quarter final clash Jonny hit out at those that had been suggesting his injury may be a boost for...

Screenie 05.10.11 11:09am
Jolie shows world what an under-nourished woman looks like 0
Gary Baldy 05.10.11 10:26am
Gary Baldy
I lie all the time, admits journalist

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I find that journalists are ‘making stuff up’, I admitted yesterday. As a professional who started writing copy in a sweaty, cigarette-filled...

Zadok the second 05.10.11 4:57pm
Italy's style rating slashed

The plight of the Italian economy is having a profound effect on the country's dress sense as Milan's Golden Quad shopping district, once the home the flagship Gucci, Versace and Valentino stores,...

spoole2112 05.10.11 10:11am
God Love you but fucking hates me, says research 0
ronseal 05.10.11 10:01am
Man flunks interview for Nightclub Doorman as he admits to being good with peopl 0
ronseal 05.10.11 9:44am
New iPhone has better camera. In other news, world economy has collapsed.

The world was stunned yesterday when a new, slightly improved, iPhone was released. A user explained, "I don't take any photographs, but having a better camera swings the deal for me - I'm buying...

apepper 05.10.11 10:00am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Tony Blair called in to arbitrate on poodle row

Tony Blair has been asked to bring his years of political experience to bear on a vexed question: should poodle owners be allowed to use hairspray on their pooches’ topknots? Flying in to take up...

Clarky 05.10.11 9:29am
Simpsons cannot continue without key cuts, says Fox 0
simonjmr 05.10.11 9:29am
AA accused of institutional RACism

A mechanic who went undercover in the Automobile Association has exposed the unpleasant tricks used in AA subscription selling. Potential customers are routinely told that RAC patrolmen are chavs and...

vertical 06.10.11 7:53am
English Haka plan surprises rugby world

The English rugby team has surprised the rugby world again after confirming it will perform its own version of the Haka at the quarter final match against France. After the decision to wear black...

suki 08.10.11 5:50pm
Gary Baldy
Maya defends Feline Rights Act.

More later...

spoole2112 05.10.11 8:18am
Clear off your card debt, and then just Clear Off, says Cameron 2
Drylaw 05.10.11 11:38am
Blow for England fans as Johnny Wilkinson declared fit 1
05.10.11 8:13am
Ed Milliiband "speaks fluent SEO"

To some, the craft of search engine optimisation takes a little practice. But not for Ed Milliband. Getting those all-important keywords into the first paragraph comes naturally to the Labour leader....

Boutros 05.10.11 9:22am
Apple boss forgets phone at phone launch 6
ED209 05.10.11 2:52pm
Self-righteous plant geneticist announces development of moral maize

with a rye grin...

John Ffitch-Rucker 05.10.11 10:18am
Rugby's Aussie Kiss Scandal Blown Out of all Proportion 0
medici2471 04.10.11 8:22pm
Cats Protection calls for Theresa May's deportation 0
roybland 04.10.11 7:20pm
New iPhone 4 features revolutionary 'S' after the 4 1
roybland 05.10.11 8:23am
Daily Mail stories "arrive faster than the truth". More soon.

Thanks for the inspiration thisisall1word...

Al OPecia 04.10.11 6:19pm
Al OPecia
Human Rights Cat confusion could have been caused by typographical error

The Home Secretary’s claim that an illegal immigrant could have avoided deportation “because of an act he had with his wife” may be the result of simple typographical error. “I’m not...

nickb 05.10.11 8:43am
Midfield Diamond