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Russell Brand ready to come off the Sachs Offenders list 0
simonjmr 26.04.12 1:48pm
Procrastination society claims ... 0
simonjmr 26.04.12 1:46pm
2013 most futuristic looking date since 2001, scientists claim. 0
simonhansen 26.04.12 1:38pm
Sex Tape Makes It Look Worse Than It Was Says Terry

Following the release of a sex tape with a woman who is not his wife or official mistress John Terry has argued ‘her run took her into me.’, Many people question how Terry could make such a...

Hooch 26.04.12 1:36pm
Health Minister admits that she keeps dripping 0
Underconstruction 26.04.12 1:09pm
Murdoch dumps at Leveson Inquiry

Pulling his trousers up, the 81 year old media mogul regarded the steaming pile on the witness stand, then told the Lord Justice Leveson and the legal teams: "If you don't like it you can resign."...

Scroat 26.04.12 1:08pm
Tornado improves Rugby

[apologies for the predictability, but someone had to say it]...

Sinnick 26.04.12 12:54pm
Equalities minister bemoans lack of Aryan Supermen in banking sector

Equalities minister, Theresa May, has today issued a statement calling for urgent action to address the alarming lack of Aryan supermen occupying top positions in the city. Poor risk-management in...

Old Hat 26.04.12 12:51pm
Old Hat
Scottish Meteorologist forecasts a month's sunshine in three days 1
Underconstruction 26.04.12 12:51pm
New Home Leveson package means families can host their very own Public Inquiry

The Leveson Inquiry is to be turned into a board game for the domestic market. Previously, the Leveson franchise was originally aimed at the legal profession and proved to be one of the longest...

ronseal 26.04.12 12:48pm
Culture Secretary warns of the dangers of dabbling in the Yakult

Hat tip to Underconstruction...

Scronnyglonkle 26.04.12 12:34pm
Shareholders concerned as BMW announces plans to build Austin Allegro.

"Why did we not know about this splendid English car before?" questioned the perplexed BMW Head of Design. "The Mini is so lovely. But now we find out from watching made for TV dramas there were...

Boutros 26.04.12 12:33pm
Cover up covered up 0
medici2471 26.04.12 12:20pm
Murdoch deploys "some big boys did it and ran away" defence. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 26.04.12 12:18pm
Al OPecia
McCoist announces visit to 12 Acacia Gardens, Glasgow, GL6 7UP to apologise

Rangers FC manager Ally McCoist has announced that he will secretly meet with Scottish Football Association Panel member Jock Smith to personally apologise for his demand that panel members be named...

Underconstruction 26.04.12 12:04pm
Men blame 'out of control' communications technology for relationship breakdowns

Men worldwide are feeling the strain of increasing relationship communication demands as technology makes them "available to nag, literally anywhere." Widespread internet and phone access mean a man...

kga6 26.04.12 11:43am
Primark UK Baffled by Fake Dubai Primark Store Selling Cheaper Crap than They Do

Primark, the cheap-as-chips, clothes-made-in-a-Vietnamese-sweatshop, clothing chain, famous for introducing the £3 Business suit and disposable socks for 50p a pair, today reported they were baffled...

deluca 26.04.12 10:54am
New study finds red meat less unhealthy than green meat. 2
Maverick 26.04.12 9:51am
Theresa May, George Osborne & Jeremy Hunt to star in new Three Stoogies film

hmmm wise guys eh...

Scronnyglonkle 26.04.12 9:48am
MI6 Human Resources manager explains sacking procedure to closed court. 4
bonjonelson 26.04.12 9:44am
MI6 agent feared the sack 2
nostra da mouse 26.04.12 9:19am
Locusts renounce plague as form of social protest

In a surprising move, locusts have abandoned large-scale swarming, citing a growing trend for their message to be misinterpreted or down right ignored. Locust spokesman Dave4,987,398 said: “The...

Yikes 26.04.12 6:07am
Doctors rename amnesia "Murdoch's disease"

Doctors have discovered that memory loss is an infectious disease. One of the main carriers has been identified as Rupert Murdoch. A spokesman explained, "Everyone who's met him immediately forgets...

apepper 26.04.12 6:05am
Police watchdog seeks extra walks and a squeaky rubber chicken. 0
wallster 26.04.12 5:59am
Cancer charities say funds drought could lead to hospice ban 0
weematt 25.04.12 11:24pm
James 'Mr lover-lover' Murdoch denies 'creeping with the girl next door'

News International's gravel-throated press baron James (Shaggy) Murdoch has told the Levenson Enquiry that he 'stands by' his testimony regarding alleged clandestine sexual activity on the the...

Skylarking 25.04.12 9:25pm
Old Wounds Opened by Tupac's Hologram

The hologram of Biggie Smalls is said to be furious the hologram of Tupac Shakur has beaten him to appearing live. Sources close to the hologram of Smalls fear that history is about to repeat itself;...

house78 25.04.12 8:47pm
Creative excellence alive and well at Sky as "Pump My Bride" gets commissioned

Creative excellence is alive and well at Sky as "Pump my Bride" gets commissioned. Never before has a tv show combined the panache of Jodie Marsh's "Take Me up the Aisle" with the elan of "Pimp my...

Crippen 25.04.12 8:39pm
Health experts warn poshness ‘could be hereditary’

Health experts have warned members of the public to be ‘on their guard’ for aristocratic parents and relatives, after discovering such symptoms dramatically increase the chances of contracting...

25.04.12 8:10pm
Unused hosepipes washed away by floodwaters. 0
Maverick 25.04.12 8:01pm