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Michael Gove ignores expert advice and runs with scissors 0
grottymonty 17.08.12 7:42am
We thought of cycling first, says veteran 2-wheeled commuters

People who’ve been cycling long before Bradley bloody Wiggins and the Olympics came along have been loudly pointing it out to those who’ve had a sudden urge get down to Evans. The velo veterans,...

pitflaps 17.08.12 7:25am
Norwegian man claims he found the Terra Nova 2 weeks ago 0
charlies_hat 17.08.12 6:55am
Facebook merges with Google+ amidst falling stock prices 0
thesilverflute 17.08.12 6:27am
Usain Bolt to be allowed to compete in Paralympics if he wears built-up shoe 0
Haywood Manley 17.08.12 5:53am
Haywood Manley
Sexual abstinence scandal shocks community 0
Dumbnews 17.08.12 4:04am
Wikileeks Latest....

Clod Cameron can't finesse...

Jesse Bigg 17.08.12 12:00am
Jesse Bigg
Elvis Presley Found On Mars!

Analysis of the latest stunning panoramic photos of the surface of Mars beamed back by land rover Curiosity is revealing some unexpected insights. Doris Bewes, 87, (who claims to have visited the...

Reg Herring 16.08.12 9:32pm
Nick McCarr
Olympic Athletes to eat Yorkshire Puddings

Following the outstanding success of Yorkshire-born athletes in the London 2012 Olympics, Team GB sport scientists have announced a new dietary regime for Brazil 2016. UK athletes will be...

Alfred Noakes 16.08.12 9:15pm
Alfred Noakes
Branson throws his teddy out and takes train set home 0
Alfred Noakes 16.08.12 9:12pm
Alfred Noakes
Aberdeen hospital staff 'satisfactory' after latest bout of Prince Philip

Aberdeen Royal Infirmary doctors and nursing staff were coping well last night with the latest admission of HRH Prince Philip. A spokesman said: "Bad manners, xenophobia and general grumpyness are...

Scroat 16.08.12 8:09pm
Experts stumped by man with rocket embedded in brain

Britain's greatest experts have admitted they're struggling to cope by a patient who has a live rocket embedded in his brain. "It's rocket science [i]and[/i] brain surgery.", explained one expert....

apepper 16.08.12 8:07pm
Assange Asylum move 'good news for borderline sex cases'

Britain’s thousands of bicycle-sniffers, dubious scout leaders and plain wrong ‘uns were celebrating today, having learnt that they are to be reclassified as political dissidents. The legal move...

ricky33 16.08.12 7:27pm
lottery winners to buy rail ticket

More to follow...

apepper 16.08.12 7:24pm
Ecuador asylum decision lunatic, fumes Hague 0
custard cream 16.08.12 6:17pm
custard cream
Olympic gold winner Farah has trousers named after him 0
custard cream 16.08.12 6:14pm
custard cream
New high street bank forbidden to use sort code "36-24-36"

Southern, the new high street Bank has protested at claims its intended sort code "gives banking the wrong image". A spokesperson for the Financial Services Authority, willowy redhead Marsha Smith...

nickb 16.08.12 6:04pm
Gove "concerned" about increase in ugly girls' A level success

The Education Secretary told the Daily Telegraph he was "concerned" by the increase in examination success at A level by "homely-looking" girls from state schools. "Time was when we could depend on...

nickb 16.08.12 5:49pm
William Hague to block Assange's passage. 0
Zen 16.08.12 5:32pm
"What do you do?" Prince Philip asks his doctor 1
custard cream 16.08.12 5:17pm
Ambassador 'believed Assange to be the late John Inman'

A source has revealed that Ecuador's reluctance to release serial leaker and alleged sex fiend Julian Assange into police custody was due to an erroneous understanding that their embassy guest was...

BAJDixon 16.08.12 5:15pm
Shock news: At least 900 'Locked in Syndrome' sufferers in Wormwood Scrubs alone

more later...

dvo4fun 16.08.12 4:29pm
BBC3 to air 14 hour test card marathon every day 0
simonjmr 16.08.12 3:52pm
Farah celebrates long running slacks success. 0
button 16.08.12 3:30pm
Government urges Camelot to produce thinner lottery winners

Statistics produced by Camelot show that fat couples in council houses are more likely to win the lottery, leading to speculation that the National Lottery is weighted towards the overweight. "It's...

nickb 16.08.12 3:20pm
Parents mixed feelings as 'A' Level shag fest offers go unconditional 0
medici2471 16.08.12 2:28pm
Ecuador grants Assange asylum

medici2471 16.08.12 2:10pm
Dave Plonkerman Does It Again!

This time he helps a Mr Blancmange to a life-long stay in a South American embassy in London. Dave Plonkerman, this is your strife!...

Jesse Bigg 16.08.12 2:09pm
Jesse Bigg
Mystery of NASA dead cat unsolved

The death of Tiddles, NASA's much loved pet cat still remains unsolved. She was found partially squashed at the Space Lab at Cape Canaveral in November 2011 close to a testing site. A post mortem...

nickb 16.08.12 12:37pm
Andy Murray reverts to being Scottish after A-level results.

Was this the joke?...

bonjonelson 16.08.12 12:14pm