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Queen harangues Sir Alex : “It's your duty to stay”

Sir Alex Ferguson has received a letter from the Queen urging him to rescind his decision to retire and stay on as Manager of Manchester United. Sources close to her Majesty reveal she has advised...

Lenny Bee 09.05.13 12:25pm
Lenny Bee
Alex Ferguson expected to replace Moyes at Everton

Sir Alex Ferguson is the favourite to replace David Moyes as manager of Everton. More to follow...

apepper 09.05.13 12:21pm
Film Critics say Queens speech not as good as Kings Speech 1
Scronnyglonkle 09.05.13 12:04pm
sredni vashta
Mirror decides on reflection that left is right 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 09.05.13 11:59am
Moyes to be supervised for a year after leaving Everton 0
topfotogmw 09.05.13 11:20am
Large meteor linked to Mourinho’ s return. Skip fire heralds Moyes appointment.

more later...

Wrenfoe 09.05.13 11:03am
Moyes set to be named as Fergies heir tryer 0
Backup Brian 09.05.13 10:42am
Backup Brian
Yewtree announces UK tour, Manchester may be added to schedule 0
simonjmr 09.05.13 10:10am
Dyslexic american admits defeat with Gnu farms after sales boom fails to appear

no more soon...

Not Amused 09.05.13 10:03am
Not Amused
Sarcasm no longer the lowest form of wit

Contributors to the self styled 'satire, parody and spoof news' website NewsBiscuit have voted sarcasm into joint fifth position in forms of wit league, finally lifting it off the bottom after many...

Terry 09.05.13 9:59am
World's First 3D Printed Pun. 0
rob box 09.05.13 9:24am
rob box
BaByliss, Philips and Remington short listed to succeed Ferguson. 0
weematt 09.05.13 7:29am
New, larger gun produced using Canon printer. 4
JETFAB 09.05.13 6:53am
Queens Speech: Energy Policy - Government to repeal 2nd law of thermodynamics 0
Terry 09.05.13 6:34am
Charles told "take work experience from Queen or lose benefits" 2
quango 09.05.13 6:21am
Massive queue at the 3D printer as Hanging Gardens of Babylon get stuck again 0
ronseal 09.05.13 6:07am
ManUtd fans disappointed that 3D print rendering of Fergie looks like "Moyes"

More later...

Wrenfoe 09.05.13 5:19am
Man buys Cat

A man bought a cat yesterday "to keep me company". Home Secretary Janice Whatsit was called upon to make a statement about the situation but her response was dubbed "poor and lacking in substance"...

Drylaw 09.05.13 12:32am
Harryhausen's funeral to take 2 years to film

The stop motion funeral planned for Ray Harryhausen is expected to take a team of animators many months to prepare. Calls for a CGI based service have been dismissed as "not in the spirit" of Mr...

apepper 08.05.13 11:49pm
Home Secretary to declare amnesty for "pre 80s celeb offenders"

In an extraordinary move yesterday the Home Secretary Mrs Shirley Whatsit declared an amnesty for any showbiz or remotely famous person implicated in sex related scandal prior to the 80s. "The...

Drylaw 08.05.13 10:24pm
Dame Helen Mirren beats David Moyes to take over at Man Utd

Following her acclaimed recent performance as a human hair dryer outside a West End theatre...

DorsetBoy 08.05.13 10:21pm
Surprise as Chris Moyles named new Manchester United manager.

More typos soon...

MADJEZ 08.05.13 10:06pm
Sir Alex Ferguson appointed Manager Emeritus at Old Trafford 0
custard cream 08.05.13 9:25pm
custard cream
Straw thief given bale. 2
godly1966 08.05.13 9:14pm
Heston Blumenthal denies his recipes are beyond the reach of the ordinary person

Royal Stem Cells seared in liquid nitrogen with a Higgs Boson jus This is one of my favourites as the ingredients are all fresh and cheap. The secret is to serve the bosons immediately as they...

Terry 08.05.13 9:07pm
Manchester United commissions sculpture of Fergie made of chewing gum. 3
Al OPecia 08.05.13 9:05pm
Archbishop of Canterbury calls Bishop of London "A complete and utter cunt" 0
Drylaw 08.05.13 8:55pm
Floodlights dim at Dynamo Kiev as players tire in extra time 0
Terry 08.05.13 8:49pm
Chewing gum complains Fergie just used me, abused me, then spat me out. 0
irreverendJ 08.05.13 8:11pm
Elderly Scot released from captivity

In a scene eerily similar to the recent FBI rescues in Ohio, Greater Manchester Police confirmed that a seventy one year old man was held for "decades" in a house on Moss Side. Restrained with...

Wrenfoe 08.05.13 7:56pm
The All New Jeni B