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Oldham to be dismantled, brick by brick, and sold on eBay... - 2

Oldham, a small, unpleasant town in Lancashire whose principal exports are black puddings, pissheads and paedophiles, is to be demolished, says a government spokesman today, as a warning to other...

Tripod 14.03.13 3:47pm
Embarrassment as new Pope admits ‘I can’t speak a word of Latin’

Pope Francis has faced controversy on his first day in office, after admitting that he doesn’t know a single word of Latin. ‘To be honest, I’ve been winging it for years’, he explained. ...

TheNewsWalrus 14.03.13 3:41pm
Midfield Diamond
Great British Menu loser gets "Pah!" for the course

so so Neat-o...

beau-jolly 14.03.13 3:33pm
Sea to be re-branded as end to end beach facing global ocean solution 0
ronseal 14.03.13 2:49pm
Apparently its "Steak & BJ Day" today

Unfortunately its more likely to be Beans and leave-my-tits-alone-I'm-trying-to-watch-the-only-way-is-essex Day in my house...

Rootin Tootin 14.03.13 1:20pm
Pope Francis proposes radical solution to sex scandals as castrati re-introduced

Newly elected Pope Francis has a radical solution to the church's child sex scandals with the return of castrati to the choirs around the world. A Vatican spokesman explained: "Any priest found to...

apepper 14.03.13 1:00pm
Queen's problem finally diagnosed - it's 'old age'

Doctors at the London hospitals treating Her Majesty the Queen are getting increasingly annoyed the attitude of the woman they refer to only as ‘ER’, as in “ ’er over there”. “We have...

blacklesbianandproudofit 14.03.13 12:30pm
World in shock as Jim Bowen elected Pope 0
reforse 14.03.13 12:26pm
US golfer gets unexpected hole-in-one 0
Scroat 14.03.13 12:18pm
Pope commissions new 'Maradona & child' painting for Sistene chapel

more soon, (Satan made me do it)...

Squudge 14.03.13 11:53am
Midfield Diamond
Pope claims "Malvinas are Argentinian, and I'm infallible so nuh-di-nuh to you!" 0
Smart Alex 14.03.13 10:12am
Smart Alex
Vatican announce new line of 'Frankie Say' t-shirts. More soon...

MADJEZ 14.03.13 10:05am
Vatican claims ownership of the Malvinas

Its not about the oil, mind...

Rootin Tootin 14.03.13 10:04am
Rootin Tootin
Abu Qatada incensed at not being Pope

Speaking from his luxurious London home he slammed the Conclave for not chosing him. " It's discrimination" he said " Why even the second word of my job title is Preacher but they still didn't choose...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 9:47am
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Arrested Geology Prof says he was only "collecting feldspar for the course".

No more soon...

Al OPecia 14.03.13 9:42am
Al OPecia
"Going a tad too far" as BBC Pope election pundit uses Hawk-eye and Telestrator 7
thackaray 14.03.13 9:30am
New Pope elected - but name "Pope Maradona I" vetoed by Cardinals 0
grumblechops 14.03.13 9:19am
Viewers verdict on 'Papal Big Brother'

"No birds, no booze, no cameras, one nomination. I think they have misunderstood the format. Nice house though"...

FlashArry 14.03.13 9:14am
Catherine Parr preferred horse for her main course, says historian 1
Dick Everyman 14.03.13 9:01am
Nick McCarr
Tesco buy Giraffe restaurants, lauch "Tesco tallest" lasagne. 0
olddoc 14.03.13 8:37am
S&M dungeon gimps furious at removal of gagging order 0
irreverendJ 14.03.13 8:22am
New Pope fined after white smoke violates the EU’s anti-pollution laws 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 4:41am
Gary Gonads
Vatican spokesman says Francis not a sissi. 1
Maverick 14.03.13 4:25am
Gary Gonads
Black Smoke From Vatican Indicates Latest Batch Of Communion Wafers Over-Cooked 0
Textbook 14.03.13 3:55am
White smoke an indication of Vatican Pole smoking

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio has narrowly beaten Polish Cardinal Arek Druc to be elected as the 266th Pope. “It was neck and neck for a while but in the end Jorge smoked that Pole” said ...

Gary Gonads 14.03.13 3:49am
Gary Gonads
New Argentinean Pope to Benedict XVI; “Hitler sends his regards” 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 2:55am
Gary Gonads
Former Nazi starts paying WW2 reparations; “it’s time to pay my Jews” 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 2:08am
Gary Gonads
Vatican under 10s Rugby League team gets 17 new locks – on their bedroom doors 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 2:00am
Gary Gonads
France is the first. Argentinian. God's having a laugh. 0
Not Amused 14.03.13 1:37am
Not Amused
New Argentinian Pope promises Nazi continuity due to his Odessa past 0
thackaray 14.03.13 1:18am