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Cameron assures the nation - "UK Gaffe reserves are adequate"

In response to opposition questions about the alarming rate at which gaffe reserves are being used up Prime Minister Cameron sought to calm the situation. He pointed out that his front bench included...

weematt 02.04.12 6:00am
Apple to sue god...

The Vatican is seeking legal advice after lawyers from Apple served a writ demanding that the Adam and Eve bit of the bible be removed as it infringed on the Apple global patent. Apple is also...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 11:21pm
Unlucky Man Has All His Christmases Come At Once

"To have all your Christmases come at once" has long been an expression which means to experience an event of extreme luck or happiness. However, Nito Chivukuvuku would say otherwise. Native to an...

Textbook 01.04.12 11:15pm
Cloakroom attendant follows up bad joke with another: "I'll get your coat" 0
kga6 01.04.12 9:17pm
Abramovich to Take Over at Chelsea

In a shock move Roman Abramovich, Chelsea’s billionaire owner, has appointed himself manager. He said: “I know what I am looking for in a manager: a proven winner, an astute tactician, and above...

Iggy Pop-Barker 01.04.12 8:45pm
Gay man disappointed by pub's open mike night 0
medici2471 01.04.12 7:45pm
George Zimmerman really said that due to a bad cold he was "sucking Tune"

works better as an excuse than "fucking goon" which is allegedly a term of affection according to his friend. Floridans are now known for expressions of affection before they shoot you. Have a nice...

Iscariot 01.04.12 7:37pm
Harry turns down another big top job

Harry Redknapp has turned down another job offer. He refuses to be part of a circus...

GillsImp 01.04.12 7:27pm
Mali Tuareg separatist rebels declare "The Sun Has Got His Hat On" 0
Iscariot 01.04.12 7:20pm
Lapsang Souchong wins landmark by-election seat for the tea party. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 01.04.12 7:13pm
Suu Kyi wins seat but told she'll have to pay the post & packing.

'Oh did she think she was running for office' says government official (smirking). More electoral irregularities soon...

MADJEZ 01.04.12 6:14pm
Renowned Country and Western Singer rumoured to top the charts this weekend

Pasty Cline...

GillsImp 01.04.12 6:07pm
Horse finally finds hay on Isle of Wight

It's owner commented that it was like looking for needles in a haystack...

GillsImp 01.04.12 5:51pm
Website use to be monit..hold on..who's kicked my front door in........ 2
Al OPecia 01.04.12 4:51pm
Footballers to be given "hazardous work" bonus..More soon. 0
Al OPecia 01.04.12 4:15pm
Al OPecia
police still have no clue in mysterious drug addict barn death...

When quizzed by local media on why the investigation team still hadn't found any evidence the chief forensic officer replied 'it's like looking for a needle in a haystack'...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 12:59pm
George Galloway Tweets, "Shattered but happy after by-election victory in Burma" 0
HenroPlod 01.04.12 12:13pm
Scientist discovers ‘being a dog’ is key to reducing stress

An expert in making people worry about dying believes they’ve found a new weapon to combat one of Britain’s most popular killers. By concentrating a bit harder on becoming a member of the canine...

01.04.12 11:16am
Midfield Diamond
Investment firm got Game

more later...

virtuallywill 01.04.12 11:14am
Tories admit to spread betting on opinion polls to raise party funds.

Following an investigation by The Telegraph, Eric Pickles has admitted that the Conservative party has been spread betting on the state of the parties in the opinion polls to raise party funds....

Ian 01.04.12 11:11am
Pete Tong tells journalists: "It's all going really well, actually" 0
Nails UK 01.04.12 11:05am
Nails UK
Shark attack victim "enriched lives of family and friends". And shark. 0
Nails UK 01.04.12 11:01am
Nails UK
Muamba baffles female nurses by successfully explaining offside rule

I'll get my coat...

Underconstruction 01.04.12 9:39am
Government to appoint Storage Tzar

David Cameron has announced that the government is to 'take stock' of recent criticisms and appoint a senior official to oversee all national storage-related issues. The role will address 'the safe...

Underconstruction 01.04.12 9:38am
Journalist fury at government "April Fools"

Journalists have reacted with anger at the government's April Fool jokes over the last few days. "We expect government statements at least to have a basis in reality, but now they're taking the...

apepper 01.04.12 9:02am
MPs fail to ease sperm shortage.

Since progeny of donated sperm have been able to trace their fathers, donations have dried up. MPs decided to address the shortage by donating in a special mastabatorium in Westminster. The husband...

alanthetortoise 01.04.12 8:50am
Police demand more relaxation time...

A spokesperson reclined to comment...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 8:36am
Theodore Sprangshaft
PM refused to be drawn on stalking artist claim 2
Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 7:29am
Theodore Sprangshaft
George Galloway "Abu Qatada is misunerstood! and wants to be a scout leader" ! 1
wilkieone 01.04.12 7:13am
Mr Target
What is the point of 'The Midlands'?

So annoying when you are trying to get from Manchester to London or vice versa? Can't we move it closer to Norfolk so that we have all the really boring places in one spot?...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 7:02am
Mr Target