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Sex tourist "disappointed" with Aldi's 3 Bird Roast 1
simonjmr 05.12.12 3:27pm
Dick Everyman
Jacob Marley released without charge in Scrooge probe

Jacob Marley, who was arrested earlier this week as part of Operation Dickens, will face no charges over his links with disgraced businessman Ebenezer Scrooge, police confirmed today. Operation...

Nails UK 05.12.12 2:52pm
Nails UK
Police decide to release naked pensioner

Mr Herbert Strange 79 without charge after he was found in Croyden town centre on a busy Saturday morning. After they relised Herbert was the UKs most stupidist pensioner.Police say Mr Stranges...

Thubs Swirlim 05.12.12 2:32pm
Heston plans "homeopathic cream tea"

He has made skyscrapers out of jammy dodgers and giant dachshunds out of Fray Bentos pie mix. His famed Spaghetti Junction was the first ever recipe to feature on a local weather report, after...

nickb 05.12.12 1:51pm
Dick Everyman
Out now at all good cinemas rated X.

NIGHTMARE AT WOOD LANE a digitaly remastered film of Nightmare on Elm street,with the head of Jimmy Saville cleverly superimposed onto Freddy Kruger., Also showing NIGHTMARE AT WOODLANE TWO, JIMMYS...

Thubs Swirlim 05.12.12 1:29pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Suspicion falls on good causes as Euromillions prize goes unclaimed.

Stevenage police are investigating a theory that the missing £64-Million lottery ticket was stolen by good causes, which stand to benefit from a massive windfall once the deadline for claiming the...

Boutros 05.12.12 1:05pm
Benefit claimants “must fight to the death”, says Osborne...

As part of his austerity measures, aimed at cutting the welfare bill, Chancellor George Osborne announced today that benefit claimants will have to fight “to the death” in a series of brutal and...

Tripod 05.12.12 12:57pm
No miracle cure for George Osborne's smugness, PM warns. 0
bonjonelson 05.12.12 12:44pm
Abramovich's draws up manager's contract for royal baby. 0
Gaz 05.12.12 12:32pm
Chancellors Autumn statement "Turning colder with a chance of snow ..." 0
Kramaring 05.12.12 12:24pm
Bidding war for live coverage of Royal birth begins

Following the announcement that the Duchess of Cambridge is expecting her first child the major broadcasters have begun a bidding war for live coverage of the delivery of the future monarch. Sky,...

gregle 05.12.12 11:59am
Osborne shock - sperm banks need permanent quantitative easing

probably bin dun ages back but hey ho....

05.12.12 11:57am
Elderly mortality rates increase linked to BBC Crimewatch

In a new report released by the Office for National Statistics it is revealed that one of the leading causes of death for people aged over 80 years is viewing Crimewatch. According to an ONS...

Dick Everyman 05.12.12 11:50am
Dick Everyman
Greece bribed its way to top of corruption table

So claimed fellow contenders Bulgaria and Italy. In a shock final result, it would seem a last minute bung of German finance swung the result for the Greeks, and now cries of foul, are falling on...

Erlang 05.12.12 11:42am
Osborne mini-budget defies science by taking blood from a stone. 0
Gaz 05.12.12 11:36am
Will's shock @ pregnancy news "... aren't all Princesses sick after breakfast?" 5
dvo4fun 05.12.12 10:02am
Midfield Diamond
Gay men unimpressed with fracking

Gay men have declared fracking to be ‘a bit meh’, and have chosen not to include it in their lexicon of naughty experimental sex. ‘Me and my boyfriend giggled all the way to the hardware store...

DustyBinLaden 05.12.12 7:55am
Nation celebrates at news that future King's penis functions properly. 2
05.12.12 7:26am
Kate pregnancy due to ‘goal keeping error’

The much followed Windsor / Middleton fixture has finally ended in a 1-0 home victory after what commentators are calling a sloppy goalkeeping error. After an extended warm-up, the match officially...

Yikes 05.12.12 4:26am
Pretty Woman devotee admits huge disillusionment wth Rochdale prostitution scene

Pretty Woman devotee admits massive disillusionment with Rochdale prostitution scene An ardent fan of the 1980’s movie Pretty Woman has today admitted that her life as a ‘sex worker’ has so...

Gary Stanton 04.12.12 11:33pm
Geosocial app improves social intercourse

Hot on the successful heels of Grindr the geosocial networking application geared towards gay, bisexual, and bi-curious men, a new app, Grandr has now been designed especially for straight, desperate...

Dick Everyman 04.12.12 11:16pm
Dick Everyman
Vatican confirms Pope's tweets are 'infallible' 1
custard cream 04.12.12 10:57pm
Newspaper publishers have issues 1
Mandy Lifeboat 04.12.12 10:56pm
Angel of the North statue stolen by scrap metal thieves 0
custard cream 04.12.12 10:05pm
custard cream
Windows 7 factory shutdown attempt results in "Please Wait. 1 of 3..." 0
brownpaperreporter 04.12.12 9:29pm
Change to succession rules latest - Abu Qatada "surprised but delighted". 0
Al OPecia 04.12.12 8:50pm
Al OPecia
‘Offset murders’ offer solution to climate change

A psychopathic think-tank has suggested a solution to man-made global warming could be just around the corner, if people murder other people to offset their own carbon emissions. With so many of the...

04.12.12 8:38pm
Fossil raindrops project confirms first hose pipe ban began 25,000 years ago 0
custard cream 04.12.12 7:57pm
custard cream
Bishops Lead Opposition in Lords to Succession Bill 0
reforse 04.12.12 6:47pm
Turkey gets patriot missiles in bid to survive Christmas. 0
MADJEZ 04.12.12 6:33pm