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Man stuck holding his penis for 5 hours after BT failure

A man in Cumshot-in-Avon has been found stuck holding his penis watching a computer screen just saying 'buffering', after a major power cut at a BT Exchange. The 22 year old, John Thomas, a master...

7
Perks 04.10.11 11:43pm
FlashArry
OJ Simpson to ghost-write Amanda Knox Book.

Will also have cameo in forthcoming film...

1
miked10270 04.10.11 10:23am
Hoops McCann
New craze of ‘Working’ sweeping the internet

Stand aside ‘Planking’, move over ‘Batmanning’, there’s a new game in town. ‘Working’ is the new craze which has Facebook users flocking to upload photos of themselves engaged in the...

2
Vertically Challenged Giant 04.10.11 1:49pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
BT broadband outage puts thousands of unconvincing relationships on the rocks

A massive power failure at one of BT’s main exchanges in Birmingham has put thousands of stilted and unconvincing relationships in jeopardy. Adam and Jane are just two particularly tedious...

14
Qoxiivi 09.10.11 8:41pm
Old time entertainers suffer from "pre-minstrel tension"

Maureen and Dave Jones from Worcester are worried. The couple, now in their seventies, were to perform "Mamie" in the style of Al Jolson including full black-face make up, for their local amateur...

1
nickb 04.10.11 9:18am
nickb
Italian Prosecution Service to Hire Jeremy Kyle.

Following the successful appeal of Amanda Knox and the other guy, Italian Courts have offered ITV1's bear bater Jeremy Kyle a lucrative deal to be the head of their prosecution service. Speaking...

11
delightfullyodd 04.10.11 4:52pm
delightfullyodd
Thinnest material known to man discovered in TV sitcoms

A furious row has broken out over the whereabouts of the thinnest material in the known universe. ‘It’s in the final series of the geriatric TV sitcom ‘Last of the Summer Wine’’ a...

18
Clarky 22.11.11 6:01pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Keith Richards releases 'Gimme Sheltered Accommodation' 0
nickb 04.10.11 8:58am
nickb
Chas n Dave deny cashing in on tragedy with release of "Mertcha!" 1
nickb 04.10.11 10:20am
dvo4fun
Free pint with cheap Greek football at your local now. 0
Ostsee 04.10.11 8:43am
Ostsee
Autumn Aspects

Well it's that time of the year when the trees change their hue and the leaves start to fall hence the expression "Fall" so often used by our American cousins. An increasing feature in recent...

1
Drylaw 04.10.11 9:07am
greg various
World's largest telescope completed; "May see light at end of tunnel."

The Atacama large milllimetre/submillimetre array (ALMA) in Chile is the largest, most complex telescope ever built. The director of the telescope has optimistic expectations: "ALMA will be able to...

0
apepper 04.10.11 7:45am
apepper
Knox rearrested for speeding on airport road 4
vertical 05.10.11 9:20am
aksakal
Isaac Newton finally to receive Nobel Prize. Next time Archimedes. 0
Ostsee 04.10.11 7:32am
Ostsee
iPhone4 users to become obsolete by midnight. 2
Ostsee 04.10.11 8:28am
riesler
OJ and Foxy Knoxy both 'strangely hesitant' about Match.com pairing 0
pere floza 04.10.11 6:50am
pere floza
Celebrity crime rate rises as Aktinson's daughter steals spotlight at film show 0
Ian Searle 04.10.11 6:42am
Ian Searle
Judges say no to hard Knox life

Adding, "the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar"...

0
Ian Searle 04.10.11 6:39am
Ian Searle
Paperboy Shortage Hits as All Teenagers Go to University

With university fees set to rise from next year, every child leaving school this year has applied for a place on any course offered, just so they don't miss out. Parent, Julia Smith says, "It's like...

1
kga6 04.10.11 6:21am
kga6
England full time alcoholic blames IRB for blighting his career

England hooligan and bon viveur, mike cuteo, today lambasted the old codgers at the, International Rugby Board for demanding too much from england's full time internationally acclaimed, superstars...

0
kevinkp 04.10.11 12:01am
kevinkp
UK Passports to Include New "Yes Please! LOL!" Sex Status for Fucking Dullards 4
thisisall1word 04.10.11 4:00pm
Screenie
SMEs look forward to ficticious billions from career-politician bullshitters

Small and medium enterprises across the UK are said to be delighted that "Billions will be made available to us" thanks to David Camerona and George Osborne as they unveiled the Observver book of...

0
antharrison 03.10.11 10:28pm
antharrison
Apple to sue Kate Moss

'She's thin, white and pleasing on the eye. I'm damn sure we did that first,' explained a spokesman...

0
Screenie 03.10.11 9:57pm
Screenie
Elderly Smoking Pimp is disgusted at retirement home's Hoes-N-Pipe Ban 0
Perks 03.10.11 9:33pm
Perks
R Kelly to record album of Dr Seuss-inspired songs

Noted American rap star R Kelly (real name, Robert Sylvester Kelly) is proving once again that he has a unique connection with young people by collaborating on an album of new material with the...

0
bonjonelson 03.10.11 9:32pm
bonjonelson
Foxy Knoxy to give exclusive 'let's find the real killer' statement via sponsor 0
ronseal 03.10.11 9:31pm
ronseal
Hull ex-offender's scheme shows making life easy for people cuts down crime

The Hull initiative, instead of giving people their full punishment, provides them with free training, guaranteed employment in a range of social enterprises and a share in the companies profits....

3
Screenie 03.10.11 11:17pm
dvo4fun
Daily Mail written by immigrants

In a shock to the publishing world, the Telegraph newspaper claims to have evidence that the Daily Mail is not written in the UK at all, but in third world sweat shops. After years of claiming that...

3
03.10.11 9:19pm
Screenie
Man dies after eating an Apple a day

A 19 year old man died yesterday, after being advised to eat an apple a day by his doctor. Wayne Chavley was rushed to hospital after consuming 2 iphones, 3 ipads and a macbook air over the course of...

3
Perks 03.10.11 11:38pm
TokyoTomato
Osbourne pledges £50m for graphite research: Headlines to write themselves

George Osbourne has provided the lead for his own bullets with a cock-up to match Eric Pickles' omission of cheese from his last cheese on toast. The witless Chancellor, no stranger to tackling...

0
kga6 03.10.11 7:30pm
kga6