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Murray blames poor form on the change from Scot to Brit ahead of Wimbledon

"It happens every year. I can feel my whole body changing, like some sort of werewolf. It really does ruin my gameplan," Murray told reporters. "It feels like I've had some sort of personality...

Scroat 07.06.12 9:06am
Paul McCartney booked to play The Apocalypse

Fans of music and doomsday prophecies were celebrating last night after God confirmed that he had booked the former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney to be the closing act at the end of mankind. A...

Rizzo 07.06.12 8:48am
Scientists access parallel universe where Ed Sheeran isn't inexplicably popular

Physicists say they are close to understanding one of the greatest conundrums of recent decades: why unremarkable Suffolk songwriter Ed Sheeran has achieved massive commercial success. The...

Skylarking 07.06.12 8:45am
Mumbai man with broadband problems annoyed that helpdesk is located in Surrey 1
Smart Alex 07.06.12 8:20am
Hosepipe ban scuppers Drunken Sailor song 1
nickb 07.06.12 7:53am
Tories to pass new "tug your forelocks to bankers" act.....

for all the wonderful things that bankers have done for us over the last few years., It makes you want to cry in your beer...

Jesse Bigg 07.06.12 7:44am
Jesse Bigg
Lower French retirement age means Hollande out of a job in two years

French President Francois Hollande admits lowering the retirement age to 60 was a “slight error” as he is due to turn 60 on August 2014, almost 3 years before his Presidential term expires....

Yikes 07.06.12 5:11am
Cheryl Cole sadly DOESN'T have a brain tumour.

More shit songs soon...

MADJEZ 07.06.12 12:05am
Dutch workers with ADHD applaud Hollande retirement age cut 0
Yikes 06.06.12 11:34pm
Israel to build 300 giant middle fingers in occupied West Bank 1
grumblechops 06.06.12 10:09pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Favorite songs most accurate predictor of person's age, claims scientist 25
Dumbnews 06.06.12 9:55pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, moves 'one step closer' to appearing naked in public

The Duchess of Cambridge stunned onlookers on Wednesday by appearing for the service of thanksgiving at St Paul's Cathedral in a 'nude' frock by Alexander McQueen and a hat by Jane Taylor. The...

roybland 06.06.12 9:53pm
Venus finally finds self after rare trek across the sun 1
simonjmr 06.06.12 9:33pm
Queen in rift with Barlow as Coldplay tickets get a last minute ditch.

The Queen's Jubilee Reporting Committee has gotten hold of material showing Her Majesty in a heated confrontation with Gary Barlow, the man put in charge of organising the entire shambles of a...

JohnSmith 06.06.12 9:19pm
Unpopular co-worker grateful for LinkedIn invite from Russian hackers 0
Mandy Lifeboat 06.06.12 9:06pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Gloria Mundy misses last Venus Transit due to Norovirus infection 3
Nails UK 06.06.12 8:52pm
Author Ray Bradbury to be cremated at temperature of Fahrenheit 451 2
V Riddoch 06.06.12 8:44pm
Nails UK
Austrian town of Fucking in twinning talks with German village of Blöjöb 2
Alan Sundry 06.06.12 8:25pm
Government can't cut childcare bureaucracy as not allowed scissors, say experts.

More later...

V Riddoch 06.06.12 8:09pm
Al OPecia
Author Ray Bradbury to be cremated at temperature of Fahrenheit 451 2
V Riddoch 06.06.12 8:06pm
V Riddoch
Queen ‘comes out’ as dyslexic after igniting Deacon in error

Buckingham and Lambeth Palaces have presented a united front over the near-immolation of Stephen Wallace, the chubby Deacon of St Paul's Cathedral, at the Jubilee Concert yesterday. The Queen...

dvo4fun 06.06.12 6:40pm
Al OPecia
Following Transit across the sun, NASA gets Toyota Hi Ace for Mars mission. 0
Maverick 06.06.12 5:54pm
Daily Mail Jibe Sees Fry Set To Quit Twitter Yet Again

Racist homophobes' newspaper of choice, The Daily Mail, is at the centre of yet more Twitter outrage today, after it suggested in an article that the uncrowned King of the microblogging site, Stephen...

Duff 06.06.12 4:53pm
BBC to broadcast a day of 'gobshite'

The BBC's decision to broadcast James Joyce's Ulysees on Radio 4 throughout the day on 16 June has been denounced by listeners. 'Ulysees is recognized as a seminal work,' said a BBC spokesman. 'A...

roybland 06.06.12 4:39pm
Cliff put to death after slapping arse in front of monarch

Sir Cliff Richard has been taken to the gallows on Tyburn Hill and hung by the neck until dead, after slapping his arse in from of her majesty queen Elizabeth II. In a rousing display of musical...

Old Hat 06.06.12 4:35pm
Old Hat
Williams family rallies round after Venus in Transit incident 0
cinquecento 06.06.12 1:41pm
Hologram of Duke to insult guests at Jubilee lunch, says Palace. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 06.06.12 11:50am
White Van Man Strikes Again In Transit On The Sun Sensation

Amateur stargazers and top astronomers alike are said to be amazed following a sensational once in a lifetime occurrence earlier today, when reports started to surface from the world's top monitoring...

Duff 06.06.12 11:46am
Grandma (86) was refused a day off work to visit husband (90) in hospital 0
Mark66 06.06.12 11:22am
"Britain's Most Psychedelic Chef" Coming To TV Soon

A new spin on the popular reality cooking show is set to debut this season as Britain's Most Psychedelic Chef hits the air. Competitors will be expected to prepare a wide range of gourmet cuisine to...

Textbook 06.06.12 11:16am