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Hunt to send hit squads into failing hospitals to hit senior managers

"For most failing hospital bosses it will be a simple case of a an open palmed strike to the head, or in more serious cases a couple of punches to the kidneys," Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt told...

nickb 16.07.13 6:48am
Fruit machine takings plummet as benefit cap starts to bite.

Cos we all know that everyone on benefits just spends all day in Ladbrokes playing the fruities - right? Idle prejudice. It's so easy...

deskpilot3 16.07.13 6:35am
J K Rowling's lawyers refute claims that she is really Dan Brown.

Another doorstop soon...

deskpilot3 16.07.13 5:44am
George Zimmerman to Quit Neighborhood Watch Program

Since being acquitted of all charges in the death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman has stated that he "should probably think about quitting the whole neighborhood watchman thing."...

jmg16 15.07.13 10:35pm
"Ridiculous excuses for tax avoidance" is in all good shops from Duchy Originals 0
AReader 15.07.13 10:16pm
Government says that Election Manifestos must have plain packaging...

and only available to shoppers on request...

deskpilot3 15.07.13 10:15pm
Highways Dept merge Cambridge Circus & Oxford Circus to form Oxbridge Circus 2
Scronnyglonkle 15.07.13 10:13pm
Families still "too selfish" to sleep rough

Ministers showed their displeasure with a report from the Resolution Foundation that suggests that rent is 'unaffordable' for one third of low-income families. Or to put it another way, as one...

Wrenfoe 15.07.13 10:12pm
G4S Charge Eighty Million Euros to run Dutch Mountain Rescue Service 3
Scronnyglonkle 15.07.13 9:22pm
Houses of Parliament to get Hawkeye.

MPs will be able to decide debates by 'going upstairs' to the third umpire in future. Hawkeye will be used to see whether insults flung from either side have hit home or gone wide of the mark....

Boutros 15.07.13 9:14pm
Promiscuous teens to be fitted with a benefits cap. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 15.07.13 9:14pm
Chain manufactures say business is booming since they joined Linkedin. 2
Ian Searle 15.07.13 9:12pm
American civil right campaigners hail Hispanic equality

Civil rights campaigners gathered outside a Florida courthouse today to hail a verdict seen as a milestone in American history. Speaking immediately after a not guilty verdict was handed down in the...

Mandy Lifeboat 15.07.13 9:06pm
Big Issue seller admits to having more than 'one last copy' 0
Mandy Lifeboat 15.07.13 8:30pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Scary People Must Die, says Florida’s Courts (Stand Your Ground Law)

In an effort to spice up a state known for old people and tourists, Florida passed the famous “Stand Your Ground Law,” allowing citizens kill anyone they fear might hurt them. After the Trayvon...

julepg 15.07.13 8:06pm
SNP claim Scotland could survive on 'Andy Murray and Tennent's Lager tax'

The Scottish National Party's attempt to sell the idea of secession from the United Kingdom to its prospective voters began today with a claim that Scotland could survive solely on heavy taxation of...

Jesus H 15.07.13 7:58pm
Jesus H
Deceased misanthrope "gone to a bitter place." 2
sredni vashta 15.07.13 7:31pm
sredni vashta
Comedy Writers hoping for tradegy-free day soon. 1
Al OPecia 15.07.13 7:29pm
Wilkins was "re-enacting his glory days at Chelsea" court hears. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 15.07.13 7:08pm
Al OPecia
Poor taste threads to be fitted with Lens Cap. More soon. 6
Al OPecia 15.07.13 6:59pm
Al OPecia
IDS offers new contraceptive

Ian Duncan Smith is to offer a revolutionary new contraceptive to Britain's poor. Despite the hefty ₤500 price tag, the "benefit cap" promises to reduce reproduction among the working-class., ,...

Wrenfoe 15.07.13 6:50pm
Rowling’s book cover whistle blown

Former NSA contractor Edward Snowden has provided the Guardian with more documents pertaining to the recently-revealed US government surveillance program PRISM - this time it is about other books...

farmer giles 15.07.13 6:46pm
farmer giles
Cameron offers to re-build Bridge over the River Kwai. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 15.07.13 6:29pm
Al OPecia
Hardeep Singh Kohli Returns To Scotland To Support "Yes" Referendum Campaign

support for "No" campaign surges...

Mike Turbine-Hamilton 15.07.13 6:03pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Chuckle Brothers 'feeling the burn' as Tour de France reaches stage 16

Despite having to stop several times along the way to complete odd jobs really badly, cycling siblings Paul and Barry Chuckle are still leading the pack in this years Tour de France, but have...

Jesus H 15.07.13 5:39pm
Jesus H
Green Flag in bid to rescue Thunderbirds.

International Rescue, the emergency service based on Tracey Island, is now in desperate need of rescue itself, the Tracey family revealed today. And its saviour could be the towaway service Green...

Boutros 15.07.13 4:33pm
IDS demands that jobseekers' benefit caps must be doffed at all times. 0
wallster 15.07.13 4:28pm
Ian Duncan Smith to make 'Part-time' traffic lights work full time

More later, often...

virtuallywill 15.07.13 3:57pm
Mail apologises over "Gay drugs" story confusion. 0
Ref Minor 15.07.13 3:44pm
Ref Minor
Eddie the Eagle announces comeback in build-up to Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics

Michael Edwards, better known as 'Eddie the Eagle', has announced that he has boldly dusted off his skis in preparation for the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, which are less than six months away....

Jesus H 15.07.13 1:45pm
Jesus H