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Tobacco giant may sue over plain coffins 0
roybland 4 years

Tobacco giant Philip Morris has threatened to sue the Australian government over its threat to introduce plain coffins for people who die of lung cancer. Hong Kong-based Philip Morris Asia said its...

Shale Fracked 0
Iscariot 4 years
US denies authenticity of 'Shroud of bin Laden' 0
roybland 4 years

The US government is robustly denying the authenticity of the 'Shroud of bin Laden' reportedly on display at a secret location in the Tora Bora cave complex of Afghanistan. Blurred photographs...

Teachers hail pension changes as 'a valuable lesson in life' 1
ianslat 4 years

Teachers union the NUT has today cancelled its planned strike, having decided that the changes to teachers' pensions actually represent a valuable lesson in life for pupils. 'Naturally, as our...

Dr Who to face The Rasta in new episode, man 0
FraserWords 4 years

Classic old enemies like the violent, abusive robot Cydermen, Dalek takeaway proprietor Stavros and reggae-loving would-be ruler of the universe The Rasta return to face Dr Who in a new series, TV...

Daily Mail found to cause cancer [more later...] 0
dogbombs 4 years

A work in progress. The headline occurred to me this morning as it must have done to many others in the past...

D list celebrities join strike action in flounce-out 2
FraserWords 4 years

D list celebrities are to join nationwide strike action next week: “We’re not walking out, we’re flouncing out,” said spokeswomanpersonman Kerry Katona, “and we’ll bring Britain to its...

Conservationist delighted with successful reintroduction of cats 3
4 years

Respected conservationist Karen Brodie has successfully reintroduced the elusive 'neighbour's cats' into the garden of her semi-rural home. Mrs Brodie, an expert in the shy and secretive animals, has...

Jools Holland to collect music award later 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Credit card use falls 13% in a year after reform of MPs’ expenses 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Cameron to tackle military waste by announcing withdrawal from Afghanistan 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
GuevaraUK 4 years

Two Eastend Kids – Tanya Grotter and Terry Blotter- breaking into the home of JK Rowling found her in a trance - puffing on a spliff whilst dancing round a pot of gold. She had fled from her...

Senior Tory "met his Portaloo" 3
bonjonelson 4 years
The Guardian apologises for reporting that a senior Tory died in a Portillo. 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

More typos later...

Smurf creator based their appearance on his blue condomed penis 0
pinxit 4 years

According to recently discovered notebooks and polaroids, Belgian artist Peyo, who died in 1993, took his inspiration for the group of small blue fictional creatures 'The Smurfs' on the appearance of...

Surge in 3D TV sales as Sharapova edges towards Wimbledon final 0
4 years
Negotiations to avoid teachers' strike collapse after everyone told: NO TALKING! 0
Ludicity 4 years
Scottish nationalists kidnap Andy Murray 1
Christopher Frost 4 years

The Wimbledon tennis championships were plunged into chaos today, after militant Scottish nationalists kidnapped Britain’s Andy Murray. Scottish Heroes for an Independent Tomorrow have claimed...

Politicians to be driven down side streets to avoid upsetting the public. 0
be reasonable 4 years
Chinese withdraw call for UK imports after Keith Chegwin announces tour. 0
MightyBlair 4 years
Honourable Member for Portaloo East held onto his seat until the end 0
ronseal 4 years
GuevaraUK 4 years

Glastonbury Police have issued an urgent,unreserved,apology concerning Dead Man in VIP toilets. They explain that in FACT it was Louis Walsh in state of stricture resulting from an attempt to get a...

Tories call in Joe the Plumber to fix broken Britain 1
Genghis Cohen 4 years

In a surprise move the Conservative Party has called on Joe the Plumber, hero of the 2008 US presidential election campaign, to help them repair Britain’s broken society. ‘It is only by...

Easily Offended Cinema-goers Union to stage walk-out 0
jp1885 4 years
Ministers rethink 'Crime Map' as spate of cock-and-balls appears across country 2
4 years

The much-vaunted 'crime map', a database that shows the locations of crimes across the UK, has become the victim of organised pranksters, it was revealed today. Following a decision to add the names...

Chinese Premier to raise issue of human rights after visit to Birmingham 1
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Cameron to get tough on Portaloos and the causes of Portaloos. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 4 years
PM pal passes in portaloo, Police preclude pharmaceuticals. 0
MADJEZ 4 years

[s]Poor[/s] More Soon...

High temperatures and bright sunshine lead to large fall in newsbiscuit subs 2
Vertically Challenged Giant 4 years
Dying in a rancid portaloo officially preferable to being lectured to by Bono 1
charlies_hat 4 years