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Man dies trying to free new scissors from plastic packaging, without scissors. 2
Al OPecia 05.12.11 10:27am
Al OPecia
Sex Offending Still Dominated By Men

Women's Equality Groups around the world were dismayed yesterday by the release of new statistical information which reveals that only 4% of sex crimes are committed by women. Despite it being an...

Textbook 05.12.11 9:55am
Man finally invents the 'Leg Jumper'

The jumper, sweater, guernsey or pullover has existed as long as modern history can remember. A thicker, secondary layer, worn over a shirt, or shirt and vest, it delivers an extra layer of...

kga6 05.12.11 8:07am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Police brought riots on themselves by dressing provocatively

They were gagging for it claims witness...

Ian Searle 05.12.11 7:46am
Ian Searle
Gene identified that causes you to keep replaying your new favorite song 0
Dumbnews 05.12.11 2:47am
Conspiracy theorists claim everything on snopes is a hoax 3
Dumbnews 05.12.11 1:08am
Clarkson apologises - "I have no problem with striking public servants" 2
Username 04.12.11 10:00pm
Viewers reluctantly accept new digital ‘BBC Sorry’ channel

The BBC has announced plans for a new digital channel, specifically designed to apologise for all of the popular monopoly’s output. BBC Sorry will be available in the new year, its launch timed to...

04.12.11 8:39pm
Panda mistakenly eats Bamboo planted to off-set China flight. 2
Milo Shame 04.12.11 8:31pm
Woman quits job as mobile hairdresser after consistently poor reception

[More soon]...

dicky37 04.12.11 8:16pm
Scotland prepares for panda arrival; deep fried bamboo waiting

More to follow...

apepper 04.12.11 4:05pm
Al OPecia
EC ruling on ancient grazing rights sees dairy farming return to Hyde Park

Ancient grazing rights are to be respected in Britain's capital city, following a landmark decision by the European Court of Justice. George Humbert took the matter to Europe after finding a legal...

04.12.11 3:02pm
BBC send Jeremy Clarkson to Gobi desert

The BBC have sent Jeremy Clarkson to the Gobi Desert; a spokesman explained, "it's not for a programme, it just seemed a good idea."...

apepper 04.12.11 1:57pm
Jason Plato mourns loss of mentor.

Mr Onassis unavailable for comment...

John Ffitch-Rucker 04.12.11 12:18pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Oxford Street closed to poor to help avoid 'crushing debt'

Oxford Street in Central London was closed to the poor yesterday amid fears of crushing debt. Further such closures may now be in place every weekend in the run up to Christmas. 'We have spent 11...

Perks 04.12.11 11:37am
BBC forced to deny Clarkson ITV transfer rumours.

The Director-General of the BBC, Mark Thompson, has denied newspaper reports that Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC’s highly-paid right-wing wrecking ball, has submitted a transfer request following...

SingingHinny 04.12.11 11:34am
Siri fails to find the best little whorehouse in Texas 2
Ostsee 04.12.11 11:30am
Despite multi-tasking claims, wife still can't do headache & sex at same time 1
Smart Alex 04.12.11 10:32am
New Canary Island created by volcano already covered in beach towels. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 04.12.11 10:32am
Macc Lads to replace Elbow as suppliers of Olympic theme tune

Bury rockers and salad dodgers Elbow are set to be replaced by the Macc Lads as the official suppliers of an Olympic theme tune for the BBC...

grottymonty 04.12.11 7:20am
The Queen to star in new Alan Bennett one woman show "The Regina Monologues". 0
Al OPecia 03.12.11 11:17pm
Al OPecia
Jeremy Clarkson criticises Saudi report on women drivers for "going too far"

OR ..Jeremy Clarkson criticises Saudi report on women drivers for "not going far enough" - take your pick...

FlashArry 03.12.11 10:58pm
New HS2 line aims to take MPs to the end of their careers in just 49 minutes 0
kga6 03.12.11 10:42pm
Statistics show that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy

Not my joke, may be an old one that you've all heard before, but I heard it at work the other day and liked it...

Vertically Challenged Giant 03.12.11 8:45pm
Fool on the Hill given honorary doctorate for services to music 0
Username 03.12.11 8:45pm
New vinyl shredder breaks all records

More to follow...

apepper 03.12.11 7:55pm
Mail announces new respect for referees campaign "Hoorah for the Blackshirts". 1
reforse 03.12.11 6:37pm
Shop's security barrier catches it's first shoplifter

A branch of Next in the West Midlands has become the first known store in the UK to actually catch a shoplifter after he set of the security barriers at the store's front door. The barriers, which...

Perks 03.12.11 2:58pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
BBC to send 2012 Olympics presenters to London to cover the games 5
simonjmr 03.12.11 2:47pm
Pandas sent to Scotland to get drunk and have lots of unprotected sex. 0
dominic_mcg 03.12.11 2:45pm