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Olympic highways to have fast food fast lanes.

"Our Olympic arteries must not be clogged unnecessarily. The efficient circulation  of catering  traffic will be vital to the nation's health during this important period," said Communities...

nickb 05.03.12 2:59am
Chelsea players take Villas-Boas to Pizza Hut for "Leavers Meal" 1
paddyparkinson 05.03.12 1:30am
Manchester United Win GOP Nominee Race

In an event that should have shocked no one Manchester United managed to grind out a scrappy election win over Mitt Romney and have now set their sights on the White House., In his concession speech...

Hooch 05.03.12 12:13am
World to be bombarded with Putin related satire says experts 0
Hooch 04.03.12 11:39pm
ITV announce new reality 'programme', place mirrors on nations TVs

ITV have announced their spring flagship programme very much in the tradition of reality shows. It is called, "You - Uncut" and is only available via a special reflective encoder to be fitted by...

SimonJJames 04.03.12 11:10pm
Privatisation row latest: Miners come out in suport of Police 1
Mandy Lifeboat 04.03.12 11:08pm
Chelsea Sack Benitez

Rafa Benitez has been sacked as manager of Chelsea before he was appointed. A spokesman for Chelsea Football Club confirmed earlier today that this action was taken to save time and money. It will...

Ian 04.03.12 11:04pm
Exhausted Noises Off actor suffering from repetitive Frayn injury.

Bit of culture...

nickb 04.03.12 10:51pm
Putin "Humbled " by election victory

Vladimir Putin admitted to being "Humbled" by his victory in the the Russian Presidential election. Speaking outside the Kremlin with tears in his eyes, Mr Putin said " It is a humbling experience...

Bismarck 04.03.12 10:35pm
Putin claims victory in next week's election

More expected later...

apepper 04.03.12 9:58pm
Putin claims victory in Cheltenham Gold Cup on Kauto Star 0
Mandy Lifeboat 04.03.12 9:28pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Alternative alternative-voting system, AVB, 'failed' in Chelsea trial says Clegg

do I need the AVB 'explainer'?...

kga6 04.03.12 9:18pm
New Sat Nav for children tells them how to drive parents round the bend. 0
Ian Searle 04.03.12 8:50pm
Ian Searle
Tram drivers complain they are 'stuck in a rut'. 0
Ian Searle 04.03.12 8:47pm
Ian Searle
Putin elected with 118.6% landslide after record 112% turnout. 1
bonjonelson 04.03.12 7:55pm
Putin wins 60% of the vote, Mugabe playfully mocks via telegram

Vladimir Putin has won in Russia's presidential elections, returning for a third term after spending the last four years as the country's PM. Exit polls and preliminary results gave him about 60% of...

SimonJJames 04.03.12 7:55pm
Abramovich claims Premiership victory despite claims that Chelsea "are 5th"

The owner of Chelsea football club says his team has won the Premiership "fair and square", blaming opposition claims of 'goal fixing' on "a handful of malcontent Fulham supporters.'  While some...

nickb 04.03.12 7:27pm
Rupert Murdoch's third Horcrux found in haunted mine in Sheffield 0
paddyparkinson 04.03.12 6:59pm
Conservative MEP defects to President Assad

Tory MEP Roger Mysister has quit the Conservative Party and joined the Assad regime. "In these turbulent times it's clear we need strong leadership like Winston or Margaret would have shown. ...

Mandy Lifeboat 04.03.12 5:49pm
Catholic Priest's "bring your nephew to work" day an unprecendented success.

hat-tip to Al McHogan if this works, otherwise blame him/her...

Sinnick 04.03.12 5:48pm
English patriots will buy Scottish independence Yes votes in 'Jock Off' campaign

"A calculated campaign that will appeal to certain stereotypical Scottish characteristics," said one commentator. "How much do I get?" ask Scots...

deskpilot3 04.03.12 5:47pm
Man who keeps falling down holes in road suffering ‘repetitive drain injury’.

Hat-tip to smart alex...

John Ffitch-Rucker 04.03.12 5:45pm
Roberto Di Matteo's job in jeopardy 0
charlies_hat 04.03.12 4:58pm
Katherine Heigl's next film will not be audience-screened 0
paddyparkinson 04.03.12 3:53pm
AVB sacked after failing to improve points tally by 110 per cent 0
ronseal 04.03.12 3:26pm
Police unable to move now for Red Tape Cutting machines

The police are being severely hindered in their jobs as their offices have been over run by a stifling number of red tap cutting machines. Many complain that whenever they try to come out from...

ronseal 04.03.12 2:55pm
Man hit for second time by locomotive suffering from repetitive train injury 1
Smart Alex 04.03.12 2:38pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Abramovich vows to get tough with successor to Villas-Boas ..

Following the announcement that Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has been sacked, the owner of the club, Roman Abramovich, has told a press conference : "Under-achievement is not what I'm paying out...

Gourd Almighty 04.03.12 2:34pm
Gourd Almighty
Bankers raise mortgage rates in revenge for not getting their bonuses.

A spokeswoman for the banking industry said, "We'll get you and your little dogs too." Houses are expected to drop soon...

Ian Searle 04.03.12 2:22pm
New policy announced to tackle teenage sobriety

Government officials have announced a radical new plan to ensure that the nation’s position as the 'Drunk of Europe'is maintained following shocking figures showing an increase in teenage sobriety....

Nathaniel S White 04.03.12 1:29pm
Nathaniel S White