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Several Al-Qaeda project's on hold after failing HSE risk assessments 0
simonjmr 3 years
British military armada heads for Spain in pretend mercy mission 1
TerribleTim 3 years
Shock revelation from Met Office: 'Not all clouds have a silver lining.' 0
Scroat 3 years
Iceland served with ASBO & banned from North Atlantic for 5 years 1
ED209 3 years

The 'ongoing nuisance' Iceland has inflicted on its European neighbours must end immediately, under the terms of an ASBO issued this morning. The island has been banned from the North Atlantic for 5...
Blofeld ‘furious’ as plans for world domination delayed by faulty volcano lair 7
Ludicity 3 years

International supervillain Ernst Stavro Blofeld is reportedly ‘hopping mad’ today after news that his plans for world domination could be set back by months due to problems with his secret...
"Lib/Lab pact" posters and banners in storage found to be in an appalling state 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Printers on standby...
Government appeal to illegal immigrants and asylum seekers to assist stranded Br 2
AdrianJ 3 years

Following this morning's meeting of the Cabinet's Cobra emergency committee the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, appealed to any illegal immigrants and asylum seekers camped at French ports, to assist...
Not all rescued tourist complain after they are shown the golden rivet. 0
Ostsee 3 years

A prize for the first one to work this out...
Obnoxious little shit also has ADHD 5
antharrison 3 years
Bryan Ferry ready to bring home stranded air passengers 0
PluckyMunky 3 years
Image of burnt toast and yeast extract is found on Shroud of Turin 2
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

Fanatical believers in Marmite have already begun making pilgrimages to Turin, after a tourist spotted an image that could be interpreted as a toast stain on a holy shroud. [OH GOD, I STARTED, BUT...
CAA blame: "wrong kind of ash" 0
AdrianJ 3 years

Must have bindun by now, but if not, what's wrong with you people?...
No-fly crisis: Russian billionaire offers yacht to senior UK politicians 0
antharrison 3 years

Oleg Deripaska, a Russian billionaire, has offered to assist George Osborne and Lord Mandelson by using his luxury yacht to transport them to a strategic conference in Corfu to discuss the current...
Drug rehab centers flooded with addicts high from purchasing the iPad 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Brittany Ferries arming their boats in response to the Navy carrying tourists. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Anthropologists intrigued by new species of virtual humans called Anonymous 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Image of Nick Clegg found in Battenberg cake 12
PluckyMunky 3 years

Audrey Slight (42) a housewife from Preston was amazed to find an image of the Lib/Deb leader in a Lyon's Battenberg cake, bought in Morrison's. Mrs Slight, a mother of four, said: "I am not a...
Ash trees ‘popping up all over the place’. More soon. 3
malgor 3 years
Adrian Chiles to star in My Fair Lady with Brian Sewell. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Iceland to declare bankruptcy to avoid paying mandatory carbon offsets 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Daily Mail to become Hourly Mail in bid to squeeze more vehemence into each day. 3
QorbeQ 3 years
Iceland's next move 5
tweety 3 years

In response to the test flights by airlines, Iceland's cabinet debate whether their next move to destroy modern civilisation should be to turn off the world's magnetic field or release icebergs into...
Julius Caesar grounds Icarus Airlines as Vesuvius continues to erupt. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Obama considers sending troops to rescue stranded tourists in Europe 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Microsoft releases obscenity recognition debugging software 6
gregle 3 years

Following the results of research into user behaviour, Microsoft has released new voice recognition software for debugging many of the most common problems with Office software. The software will...
Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday 5
Gary Stanton 3 years

Climate Scientists seeking to explain the extraordinary lateness of this year’s Tit Monday, the first monday of the year on which women deem it warm enough to shed those extra layers, believe they...
Brian Sewell told that, even in 3D, Clash of the Titians won't be popular 0
MrChigleysAunt 3 years
The Sun Poll reveals over half the public would have sex with Nick Clegg 2
twookey 3 years

The "Clegg effect" shows no sign of abating after polls suggest over 72% of people would sleep with the Liberal Democrat leader,The Sun has reported. Clegg has been quick to dismiss the polls...
Illegal immigrants giving out travel advice to stranded Britons 2
Cassandra 3 years

"If thousands of penniless Moldovan peasants can get into Britain without flying, how hard can it be?"...
UK's jet ban means C02 targets now met, nixing entire climate change industry 4
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

As Britain met its CO2 emissions cutting targets last week, Gordon Brown announced that anyone with Climate Change in their job title is now surplus to requirements. Wheel clampers (AKA climate...