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Blessed are the pacemakers, Vatican confirms 1
rickwestwell 12.02.13 11:54pm
Shamed giraffe molester couldn't look victims in the eye 3
cinquecento 12.02.13 10:14pm
Spanish waiter denies link with Findus scandal -"I know nothing about the horse"

He's from Barcelona...

Al McHogan 12.02.13 10:08pm
Lens Cap
Bruce Forsyth's toupée found to contain 100% horsehair

. threadbare neato...

Squudge 12.02.13 10:00pm
North Korea Carry Out Nuclear Test Inside Sir Trevor McDonald's Trousers

Western powers were on full alert last night amid fears that North Korea have conducted a nuclear test inside Sir Trevor McDonald's trousers. The ex-newsreader, now a respected documentary maker, is...

Jonny Shlep 12.02.13 9:56pm
Easter final for Pontifex Factor 0
medici2471 12.02.13 8:49pm
Special Feature - The Pope: How His Retirement Affects You

Following today's shock news of The Pope's resignation, many people around the world face an uncertain future, as they are left wondering how the resignation affects them and what reaction they...

jamsieoconnor 12.02.13 7:07pm
Al OPecia
Further horsemeat revelations prove to be can of only 30% worms! 2
topfotogmw 12.02.13 7:05pm
Al OPecia
Prince of Wales gets his groove on...

[url=]Heir Stylin' [/url] Neat-O...

Ironduke 12.02.13 7:05pm
Pope admits fallibility in forthcoming book, ‘It’s Not About the Mitre’...

It was only a matter of time before the Pope’s many indiscretions caught up with him and forced him to resign. He persuaded one of the cardinals to take his points when the Popemobile was clocked...

Tripod 12.02.13 6:31pm
Papal Resignation: Now Savile beatification in doubt. 0
reforse 12.02.13 6:29pm
Infalibility Paradox threatens as Pope admits "I made shit loads of mistakes"

Red slippers, celibacy and theism were just some of the “frankly embarrassing mistakes” which His Holiness, the outgoing Benedict XVI, announced to a shocked crowd this afternoon. Between...

bobbatron 12.02.13 6:15pm
Ablative Fabsolute
Early betting on next Pope...

Ladbrokes have issued the early betting prices, based on analysing the identity of the previous 265 incumbents. Scary-looking man with funny hat, 10/1 on. Sandi Toksvig, 1,000-1...

Tripod 12.02.13 5:35pm
Converted VW van for sale

White. One previous owner, elderly gentleman. Lots of room in the back. Bulletproof glass. Top speed 3 mph. Hotline to heavenly father. Cat(holic) converter. Would suit African dictator,...

lane-avenger 12.02.13 5:00pm
Ablative Fabsolute
Vatican upset that equality laws mean vacant post must be open to non-catholics 0
Smart Alex 12.02.13 4:03pm
Smart Alex
90 hour non paid working week 'still an option' say coalition

Coalition ministers today stood behind their recent proposal for a 90 hour, unpaid working week to be introduced for everyone across the country who didn't vote for them. Speaking from beside the...

graciesdad 12.02.13 3:51pm
BBC Starts Filming Landmark Series “The Wonders Of Brian Cox”

After a number of limited success pilot series, the BBC believe they have finally “cracked” the formula and today started filming their new documentary series “The Wonders of Brian Cox”. At...

Deimos 12.02.13 3:44pm
Dick Everyman
"Smaller, lighter device with greater explosive force" tested in North Korea

Also nuclear weapon...

Ablative Fabsolute 12.02.13 3:35pm
Ablative Fabsolute
Cameron Threatens To Veto If New Pope Is Not In The UK’s Interest

Yet again, the Prime Minister has threatened to veto the selection of the new Pope if it is not in the interests of the UK. Downing Street stated “… clearly the role of Pope is one of immense...

Deimos 12.02.13 3:23pm
The Idiot's Guide To....Electing A New Pope

In 590, Pope Gregory I described the complex procedures that would be used to elect the next successor to St. Peter, in an Apostolic Constitution called Universi Dominici Gregis (UDG). Here is a...

custard cream 12.02.13 12:51pm
Midfield Diamond
Pope quits to be the face of Cadburys Cream Easter Eggs new ad campaign

“God told me to do it” he says, adding “greed is God, after all.”...

Reg Herring 12.02.13 12:50pm
Reg Herring
78% of bankers think ethics is 'a county somewhere near London'

I'll be off now....

vertical 12.02.13 12:38pm
Tests show fish fingers may contain bird's eyes 3
vertical 12.02.13 12:36pm
Pope's retirement "sets a bad example to the elderly" claims Iain Duncan Smith 0
Nowherefast 12.02.13 12:29pm
Birdseye announces new range of burgers made from 100% birds’ eyes

“Definitely has no traces of horse whatsoever” says spokesperson “and you can quote me on that.”...

Reg Herring 12.02.13 12:26pm
Reg Herring
Semi-vegetarians "horrified" by presence of actual meat in value burgers.

"I'm almost vegetarian you know, I hardly eat any red meat these days and try to stick to the occasional bit of chicken now and thenbut as part of my semi-vegetarian diet I eat a lot of value burgers...

ianrbland 12.02.13 11:34am
Pope: best part was “the hats”, worst part “never meeting Jimmy Savile”...

The Pontiff will break with centuries of papal tradition by retiring to a villa in a gated community on the Florida Keys, surrounded by his loving family, rather than dying in bed, aged 94, alone...

Tripod 12.02.13 11:25am
Nation celebrates Findus Crispy Pancake day with usual horseplay. 0
MADJEZ 12.02.13 11:20am
YouGov To Take Over The Vactican......

To keep an eye on the Poles/polls?...

Jesse Bigg 12.02.13 11:00am
Jesse Bigg
Tony Blair welcomes new role as Pope

Millionaire Catholic Tony Blair has been revealed as the next Pope, a role he's described as 'quite an honour really I suppose, if you think about it'. Pope Tony I will carry out his duties on a...

12.02.13 10:55am