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Farm forced to close because "well out of order". 0
sredni vashta 16.05.13 11:37am
sredni vashta
Pompous Broadsheet Papers Enjoy Excuse To Put Agelina Jolie's Tits On Front Page 3
Titus 16.05.13 11:02am
Rise in Harry's altruistic organ donation

After donating his organ to the Obama household in what must surely represent a warming of the relationship between UK royalty and the famously frigid US presidential family, Prince Harry declared...

Crooked Man 16.05.13 10:37am
New left-wing Newsnight editor 'will be completely unbiased'

The new editor of Newsnight, former Guardian deputy editor Ian Katz, said at his first press conference today that he will ensure that Newsnight 'will be completely unbiased'. With him was...

John Wiltshire 16.05.13 10:26am
John Wiltshire
" I want a Surgeon on my doorstep 10 O' Clock tomorrow fucking morning."

" And I'll take another dozen, any colour except white.", Madonna tells Publicist...

rob box 16.05.13 9:22am
rob box
Spec-wearing men 'pretend to be wearing Google Glass to attract women'

Scientists have reported a national outbreak of middle-aged spectacle-wearing men trying to give the impression to attractive younger women that they are wearing super-cool Google Glass. 'There have...

John Wiltshire 16.05.13 9:00am
John Wiltshire
Emily Watson praised for taking pre-emptive measures before crossing the street

Hot on the heels of Angelina Jolie revealing she opted to have preventative surgery to reduce her risk of breast cancer, British treasure and not the star of Harry Potter Emily Watson announced she...

Hooch 16.05.13 8:36am
John Terry retires from football to concentrate on lifting trophies 2
Hooch 16.05.13 8:31am
Riot police end Moscow rugby match after referee decides 'Put in not straight' 2
blacklesbianandproudofit 16.05.13 7:50am
Bertrand Twisted
Idiot clicks on spam forum post

More to follow Mods, you can delete this as well once all the rubbish has been cleared it'll just baffle people...

brianflan 16.05.13 5:55am
Bank of England 'optimism' result of rounding error

The Bank of England’s upgraded economic growth forecast has been instantly downgraded after it was revealed there had been an error rounding the predicted inflation figures. Speaking just hours...

theinvisiblecitychannels 15.05.13 11:55pm
“EU broke my heart” claims insecure fish

In news that will please all gill-bearing aquatic craniate, the UK claims a “breakthrough” in getting the EU to stop callously “dumping” their ectothermic girlfriends. UK Ministers have...

Wrenfoe 15.05.13 11:46pm
Hewlett Packard launches printer for cool people, "The HPster" 0
Dumbnews 15.05.13 10:58pm
Cloning allows MP Dorries to run as Tory and UKIP candidate in next election 1
topfotogmw 15.05.13 10:26pm
English outcry as May explores Qatada-O'Brien exchange. 0
weematt 15.05.13 9:02pm
QPR players take a novel approach to reduce inflated wage bill

More later...

Wrenfoe 15.05.13 8:55pm
Nadine Dorries to relive Tommy Cooper's split personality sketch. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 15.05.13 7:57pm
Al OPecia
Qatada defence team 'concerned' as Theresa May considers water cannon 2
FlashArry 15.05.13 7:51pm
Al OPecia
Geek, 40, groomed by schoolgirl.

A forty year old IT engineer, and part time wargames aficionado, has gone into protective custody after apparently being groomed by a Somerset schoolgirl, Leanne Gibbs. The engineer, who cannot be...

No Beard 15.05.13 7:37pm
Outdoor barber arrested for street grooming 0
custard cream 15.05.13 6:40pm
custard cream
Disappointed fan asks why not just have one removed and live with 43.5% chance? 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 15.05.13 6:30pm
Successful human cloning team accused of copying 0
grumblechops 15.05.13 6:28pm
"I saw Brad in 'Burn After Reading' and laughed my tits off", says Jolie 0
topfotogmw 15.05.13 6:12pm
Everyone mocks new Dan Brown book, but it sells millions

Dan Brown's new book, Infernally Bad, has been scorned, mocked and pilloried by eveyone in the entire world. 'It's awful!' declared one reviewer. 'Absolute rubbish! In fact, it's so appalling I...

John Wiltshire 15.05.13 5:26pm
British men concerned about 'crisis of femininity' in Diane Abbott 0
Backup Brian 15.05.13 3:32pm
Backup Brian
Meths drinkers, shouty tramps and cider visionaries gather for underpass AGM 1
simonjmr 15.05.13 3:14pm
Lancashire shop found to be still open after 40 years 1
NewBiscuit 15.05.13 3:11pm
So Keith likes that what the Catholic church calls a cardinal sin? 0
irreverendJ 15.05.13 2:45pm
Bank of England upgrades forecasts to "mostly harmless"

More later...

Wrenfoe 15.05.13 1:43pm
Barnsley watchdog exposes widespread Government 'Fixing'

Retired Barnsley shopkeeper, Bert Strudwick, today accused the Government of 'Fixing' the price of beer. Hours after it was claimed that BP & Shell have been manipulating petrol prices for a...

Lenny Bee 15.05.13 1:27pm
Lenny Bee