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If it’s a haulage driver you’re after, look no further,insists Yorkshire Ripper

Mass murderer, Peter Sutcliffe, has offered to help out in the event of strike by tanker drivers if the government agrees to renew his HGV licence, according to reports. The Ripper has declared that...

Gary Stanton 28.03.12 12:03pm
Gary Stanton
David Cameron in shock as "La Tory" restaurant slips places on TripAdvisor

reviewers cite extortionate prices...

quango 28.03.12 11:45am
Cobra meets to discuss government panic over fuel strike

The civil contingencies committee Cobra is meeting today to discuss plans on how to deal with government panic over the threatened fuel strike. 'Cameron's panic over the threatened strike could...

roybland 28.03.12 11:38am
Nick Clegg forced to bring UK economy back to earth after David Cameron goes mad

The Primeminister, working for ToryBlue lost his mind in mid term and threatened to "take the whole country down". Alarmed electors became aware of the incident when the Deputy Primeminister,...

Ian Searle 28.03.12 11:19am
Ian Searle
Race on to dive to bottom of porn stars gash

“It's been an exciting week,” billionaire Dick Branston said, "No one has been there since the mid sixties" Four contenders have been working on various “Gash-Boats” since 2005; the race is...

RJWinter 28.03.12 10:29am
Simon Cowell to offer Burglary Brick a two album recording deal

Simon Cowell sensationally annouced that the brick used by a Crazed female fan to rob his house has been offered a lucrative recording contract including 2 Albums. Mr Cowell was reportedly impressed...

Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 10:22am
Price of stamps set to increase to encourage even more people not to use them

Ofcom have announced that controls on the price of stamps will be withdrawn, somehow believing that charging more will help the struggling Royal Mail, rather than encouraging even more people to find...

Vertically Challenged Giant 28.03.12 9:46am
Google Earth Residents' Association issues notice to 'scruffy' Norway

Chairman of the Google Earth Residents' association Jerome Hanley has finally taken action against a nuisance neighbour. Poorly maintained, scruffy and with several bits missing, the state of the...

28.03.12 9:44am
ITV to drop all pretence with ‘Britain’s Got Freaks’

As the ratings battle for television talent shows continues to rage, ITV is set to steal a march on its competitors with what it hails as the ultimate point-and-laugh viewing experience:...

jp1885 28.03.12 9:34am
James Cameron proclaims "after Titanic I didn't think I could get any lower"

bit late I'm sorry...

Nick McCarr 28.03.12 9:21am
Nick McCarr
Red rubber band maker increases prices by 50% to cover higher postage costs 0
Tomfinger 28.03.12 8:55am
Showbiz News: Dolly Parton farewell tour brings back old mammaries. 0
weematt 28.03.12 8:47am
Mc Hammer comes out as Scottish 4
grumblechops 28.03.12 8:38am
Cameron to charge for access to Prime Minister’s Questions

Downing Street has confirmed that David Cameron will now be charging a fee for anyone to ask him a question in the House of Commons. ‘This is all perfectly legal and above board,’ said Francis...

Ludicity 28.03.12 8:31am
Audience tells Susan Boyle musical ‘it’s a no from us’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 28.03.12 8:17am
Duncan Biscuit
HMRC confirms pasty-faced Osborne is Vatable 0
Duncan Biscuit 28.03.12 8:17am
Duncan Biscuit
Acas tempts tanker drivers to talks with amazing torch and toolset offer 0
Duncan Biscuit 28.03.12 8:16am
Duncan Biscuit
Man ends up with Kidney on face in botched transplant operation 0
Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 8:04am
NHS progress. Urologists and sex therapists come to genital mans agreement

Sorry folks...

weematt 28.03.12 8:02am
Syrian Rebels recruit English Rioters as "Military Advisers"

In association with jobcentre plus, Hundreds of young rioters have been offered the chance to show off their skills in Homs, Verdel Jones 20 of London said " It's a good opportunity, our skills are...

Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 8:01am
Riots "were caused by government going soft on criminals", Metro reports

Criminals "cannot stand erectile dysfunction"...

quango 28.03.12 7:52am
Flight Terror as Pilot goes mad on Ryanair plane when charged for flight ticket

Pilot Barry Rodgers was arrested at an airport today in a location referered to by a Ryanair Offical as "Leeds/Edinburgh" when Mr Rodgers went crazy on the flight, one passenger was quoted as saying...

Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 7:48am
Showbiz News: Failing stand-ups to try Viagra 0
weematt 28.03.12 7:47am
Whole face transplants may be offered to Government ministers.

The successful whole face transplant carried out in the USA has led to suggestions that Government ministers be offered this remarkable surgical procedure., Junior Health Minister, Dr. Timothy...

weematt 28.03.12 7:24am
Chocolate may help slimming... And in other news, sperm may taste of chocolate 0
grumblechops 27.03.12 10:11pm
Green belt development stop set to hit farmers hard 0
Hugh Nose 27.03.12 10:08pm
Hugh Nose
Cruddas apparently innocent as insider claims "Crudeass? He did nothing!" 0
Hugh Nose 27.03.12 9:44pm
Hugh Nose guitar singleton arrested at railway station for harassment

What the advert didn't show you...

quango 27.03.12 9:40pm
Cowell burglar actually admits he was after Cowbells 4
Scronnyglonkle 27.03.12 9:29pm
Greece offered Elgin oil platform 0
27.03.12 9:11pm