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Bedridden Granny Not Impressed By NHS Hospital Care

"I nearly choked when one of the care staff acidentally failed to leave a cup of tea just beyond my reach" claimed partly-paralised, Parkinson-suffering stroke patient Kathleen Whitcroft, 86....

Titus 13.08.13 9:04am
Nine out of ten callers to radio 5 phone say news item beggars belief

A news item has beggared belief among 90 per cent of the population, if a sample of participants in a radio phone in show is typical. In a discussion on cycle lanes, caller after caller phoned in to...

ronseal 13.08.13 8:59am
Geriatric Hospital Patient Has Commode Emptied Over Her Head After Complaining

"She was lucky" said the deputy assistant ward administration management support co-ordinator. "Most of the patients in that ward are never permitted to get anywhere near a commode. Our care staff...

Titus 13.08.13 7:52am
Computer Historians find the original Granny Knot logic gate 0
Scronnyglonkle 13.08.13 7:22am
Zombie has your guts for starters...

and pandas for the brain course...

Lindy Moone 13.08.13 7:12am
Lindy Moone
Genealogist reveals that Neat-O judge's mum was legitimate after all 0
Arthur 13.08.13 12:18am
Royal Mail delivers grandma's food parcel 75 years late due lack of sealing wax 0
Arthur 13.08.13 12:12am
Octogenarian contortionist reveals new stage name 1
FlashArry 13.08.13 12:02am
Israel to build settlements "up William Hague's nose"

The Israeli government has announced its intention to build 1000 new dwellings up William Hague's nose. Foreign Secretary William Hague says he is “monitoring the situation” but told the Commons...

nickb 12.08.13 11:52pm
King Of Spain Faces Increased Fire Insurance Premiums On His Beard 4
Titus 12.08.13 10:36pm
Katie Hopkins to be called in as impartial judge in "Baby Messiah" case. 1
Al OPecia 12.08.13 10:34pm
Overwhelming support for repatriation of the Traditional Britain Group

A recent YouGov poll reveals 98.7% of Britons support the repatriation of the Traditional Britain Group to their traditional era of the Dark Ages as soon as temporal engineering technology permits....

digidave 12.08.13 10:30pm
Panda population "must be kept under control", warns Findus CEO 2
sydalg 12.08.13 10:26pm
Cellarman charged with a salt 4
Arthur 12.08.13 10:25pm
Parents hit with School Dinner Tax

Plans have been released to charge parents currently receiving free school meals. Under proposals released by the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP), parents will be required to pay £1.27 per...

Drake Hardcastle 12.08.13 10:01pm
Berlusconi seeks political aylum in Bongo Bongo Land

Berlusconi said he looked forward to settling in Bongo Bongo Land, and enjoying Bunga Bunga parties like the good old days...

Starchy 12.08.13 9:19pm
World's first nuclear powered chip shop offers fission chips. 8
sredni vashta 12.08.13 9:16pm
She Twerks Hard 4 the Money

In response to an article on the BBC website about zero-hours contracts, wherein an employee is paid only for the hours their employer needs them, twerkers nationwide are tweeting furiously. Their...

Lindy Moone 12.08.13 8:55pm
Judge describes gallows-cheating criminal as "unhung zero" 2
sydalg 12.08.13 7:39pm
Lindy Moone
Zen blues fan enjoys the sound of one-hand Clapton

Hat tip to Al Opecia...

Smart Alex 12.08.13 7:16pm
Al OPecia
Zen monk on strip club indecency charges admits only one hand was clapping 0
sydalg 12.08.13 7:10pm
US Judge tells Christ to change his name to "Crickey"

A Tennessee judge has instructed Jesus Christ to change his name to Jiminy Crickey. "You can't go around with a name that's also what people shout when they drop a cup of tea in their lap...

apepper 12.08.13 7:01pm
South Contemplates Legal Action Against North As Gibraltar Civil War Intensifies 0
Titus 12.08.13 5:39pm
UK declares all-out exercise on Spain 0
Squudge 12.08.13 5:20pm
Old people just got their own anonymous vitriol spitting wire service Trollegram

Older members of the community could be brought up to speed with the modern practise of anonymous spite, with the launch of a new Trollegram service, of bicycle delivered, printed insults. ...

ronseal 12.08.13 4:46pm
Zen play flops to the sound of one hand not clapping.

..more soon...

Al OPecia 12.08.13 3:39pm
sredni vashta
Grandmother bound over in "bondage for Valium" sex and drugs scandal 0
Arthur 12.08.13 2:08pm
Simon Cowell's TV appearances to start with "from our own co-respondent" 1
sydalg 12.08.13 1:39pm
Lindy Moone
The Great British Bake Off - Paul Hollywood shows how to make a cheap tart

Details of the new series of The Great British Bake Off have just been released by the BBC. They are: Episode 1 - Paul Hollywood shows how to get your hands on a cheap tart Episode 2 - Paul...

John Wiltshire 12.08.13 1:29pm
John Wiltshire
Winnie the Pooh arrested in pandaphilia shocker

"Worse than Jimmy Savile" is how Scottish authorities described Winnie the Pooh after his arrest earlier this morning as part of Operation Honeytree. Tian Tian, the panda at the centre of the scandal...

britwombat 12.08.13 12:48pm