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Shattering Christmas news - Clarkson revealed to be Philip's illegitimate son. 0
Al OPecia 24.12.11 6:48pm
Al OPecia
Media obsession with celebrities weight ‘wearing thin’. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 24.12.11 6:44pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
UK's most desirable place named as Pippa Middleton's arse. 1
MADJEZ 24.12.11 6:43pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Chocolate coins to become legal tender over festive period

In a crowd pleasing gesture from the treasury, UK chocolate currency will become legal tender until the end of the holiday period. But in a move designed to irritate Brussels, chocolate Euros will...

nickb 24.12.11 6:28pm
Bible rewritten to make it ‘easier to follow’

Christianity has become the first major religion to update its literature to suit modern, busy lives. ‘Bible On: Just Try to be Nice’ is expected to top the best-seller list, and has been hailed...

24.12.11 6:14pm
Scarborough Borough Council apologises for being repetitive. 0
malgor 24.12.11 5:34pm
Wikileaks set to Release Nice and Naughty Lists

Wikileaks are set to cause more trouble tomorrow as they prepare to release who has been bad and who has been good on to the web. The whistle-blowing website will not reveal the source of the data...

Zirguit 24.12.11 5:01pm
Prince Philip's Ooh Matron remarks starting to wear a bit thin 0
Drylaw 24.12.11 4:58pm
Sober man treated in A&E on Christmas Eve, claims NHS. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 24.12.11 2:49pm
Airline fury as government force them to think of new way to rip-off people

Airlines, theatres and local government have reacted with fury at the reduction of charges for using credit or debit cards. "Our whole business model is based on charging £6 for things that cost us...

apepper 24.12.11 2:37pm
Terry apologises for calling Ferdinand 'black' still thinks he's a c**t though. 0
MADJEZ 24.12.11 1:04pm
Man with mistletoe on belt buckle at office party "comic genius" say colleagues. 0
dominic_mcg 24.12.11 12:13pm
Divorcing Couple Play Football on Christmas Day - 2

In a touching gesture of Christmas spirit, divorcing couple Joe and Paula Western decided to set aside their differences on Christmas day, starting with a rendition of “Silent Night” before...

Quaz 24.12.11 12:06pm
Innocent smoothie drunk by guilty roughian 0
nickb 24.12.11 12:06pm
Diana to blame for Philip heart scare claims Al-Fayed.

More Daily Express conspiracies soon...

MADJEZ 24.12.11 11:45am
"Prince Philip's heart operation a complete success", Palace announces sadly 0
JohnA 24.12.11 11:34am
Woman painted by Picasso now laughing on other side of her face 0
Smart Alex 24.12.11 10:36am
Smart Alex
Tributes pour in as Old MacDonald 'buys the farm' 0
Immunis 24.12.11 10:26am
Government claims economy improving as seagull puts deposit on new car 0
Smart Alex 24.12.11 10:21am
Smart Alex
Economy saved as Chancellor finds sixpence in Christmas Pudding 0
Major Clanger 24.12.11 9:57am
Major Clanger
A Puppy is not just for Christmas. Jamie Olver makes his last till New Years Day 1
Username 24.12.11 9:46am
Major Clanger
Quality Street hit by xmas riots, The street synonymous with family values, community celebration and low cost dental caries...

nickb 24.12.11 9:44am
Major Clanger
Innocent, law-ignoring scrap metal dealers targeted by ruthless sculptor gang

Police have declared war on a ruthless gang of sculptors who are targeting scrap metal dealers in the South East, after a replaceable heap of metal junk was stolen overnight from a yard in Billericay...

Clarky 24.12.11 9:33am
Incomplete Headlines Strike Agai 3
Immunis 24.12.11 9:06am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Foreign nurses in Cambridge unexpectedly given Christmas off 0
Perks 24.12.11 8:30am
Recovering George Michael leaves cottaging hospital. 0
MADJEZ 24.12.11 8:27am
Prince Philip has breast implant removed

Cover story slips...

apepper 24.12.11 8:26am
Man with stocking fetish arrested for trespassing 0
charlies_hat 24.12.11 7:44am
Alphaghetti pulled from shelves after found to contain MRSA and TB

Lab still checking for BSE...

Smart Alex 24.12.11 7:43am
Straight man in gay sauna admits he "felt a bit of a dick" 2
grumblechops 24.12.11 1:53am
Nick McCarr