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John Kettley and Micheal Fish to give this year's Queen's speech 3
simonjmr 11.05.12 5:29pm
Hard Working Families "not working as hard as was thought" says report

A major plank of the Government's economic policy was thrown into doubt today as a newly published report revealed that many of the Hard Working Families that had been thought to provide the backbone...

Mick99 11.05.12 5:13pm
'Monopoly' Game Updated To Reflect Current Recession

PARKER BROTHERS DECIDES TO UPDATE ITS 'MONOPOLY' GAME. Due to recent world economic changes, the Parker Brothers game company has announced that it is going to update its world famous game...

11.05.12 3:18pm
Doin' The Big Nasty For Our Friends In The Animal Kingdom Can Indeed Be Nasty

Human beings appear to be the only creatures that can have sex sheerly out of pleasure. The animals seem to do it mostly as a matter of course. I mean, can you imagine a lobster having pleasure out...

11.05.12 2:59pm
WH Smith says "How Much?!?" and walks out of Clinton Cards buyout 0
Nails UK 11.05.12 2:58pm
Nails UK
Brooks; "Murdoch paid for my broomstick."

Rebekeh Brooks has admitted that Rupert Murdoch bought her a luxury broomstick and cauldron. "I was just too busy and he stepped in to call Harrods dark arts department."...

apepper 11.05.12 2:55pm
New JICTAR ratings indicate Leveson show has 'jumped the shark' 0
ronseal 11.05.12 2:49pm
Leveson agrees to move enquiry from cyber-cafe. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.05.12 2:39pm
Al OPecia
Psychic barber decides to go back to his roots

Popular psychic Gordon Smith, famously known as “The Psychic Barber”, has announced he is giving up mediumship and is returning to his barber’s shop in Glasgow. “I had seen it coming for a...

Nails UK 11.05.12 2:39pm
Nails UK
Jerry Springer sues Leveson Inquiry over TV show format copyright breach

Lord Leveson could find himself the subject of an extraordinary rendition, for stealing TV show formats from Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer is reported to be hopping mad over obvious similarities...

ronseal 11.05.12 2:04pm
Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury's have led angry calls for the Royal Family to 'stop fannying about for the Jubilee' after news emerged that 40 fully-stocked supermarkets have been...

The Paper Ostrich 11.05.12 1:47pm
Far Right London March - "was a success" says racist white Metropolitan Police 0
thackaray 11.05.12 12:37pm
Cameron told Brooks to "Keep your head up"

I'm struggling to think of a punchline. Nothing springs to mind at all. I'm sure there's some way I could twist this into something funny or rude, but words escape me...

Sinnick 11.05.12 12:34pm
As Coalition parties renew vows drought ends in some parts of UK 0
simonjmr 11.05.12 11:48am
Second underwear bomb as Rebekah Brooks pants on fire. 0
MADJEZ 11.05.12 11:36am
Osama Bin laden did corporate video for Abbey National 0
ronseal 11.05.12 10:54am
Explosive in pants bomb identified as 'chicken phall'.

More destroyed undergarments soon...

Thor 11.05.12 10:19am
Keep your head down Dave, pleads Rebekah

Mmmmore soon...

medici2471 11.05.12 10:16am
Town Hall future in doubt

The future of the iconic Town Hall chain was in doubt last night as its owners struggled to find investors ready to take on the troubled brand. Town Hall has been a mainstay of Britain’s urban...

Bravenewmalden 11.05.12 10:09am
Olympic fag lit

The official Olympic cigarette - a Rothmans - was ceremoniously lit in Athens yesterday, and the smoker will run threequarters of a mile with it before the next smoker gets a light off it, takes a...

nickb 11.05.12 8:59am
Queen to be a judge on "Civil Service's got talent". Less soon. 1
Maverick 11.05.12 8:28am
Orbital Tower unveiling fails as large sheet gets stuck. 0
weematt 11.05.12 8:15am
43,000 mile taxi journey still avoided going south of the river 0
Duncan Biscuit 11.05.12 7:59am
Duncan Biscuit
Marks & Spencer pants label ‘should have raised suspicions’ admits al-Qaeda 0
Duncan Biscuit 11.05.12 7:58am
Duncan Biscuit
Leveson promises Brooks more tits on the front pages 0
Duncan Biscuit 11.05.12 7:57am
Duncan Biscuit
Tight squeeze for Vidal Sassoon as coffin has short back and sides 0
charlies_hat 11.05.12 6:55am
Prince Charles predicts reign 4
Rootin Tootin 11.05.12 6:53am
Mitt Romney in re-make of "Beyond the Fringe". 0
Maverick 11.05.12 1:11am
Mr. Muscle banned from competing at London Olympics

The British Olympic Association say they have banned a leading bathroom and toilet cleanser from competing at the London 2012 Olympics after the cleaning fluid failed a random drugs test.,...

Nerys Hughes 11.05.12 12:24am
Help LordsTrust to re-house a peer

Safely tucked up in their riverside home, Britain's lords would appear to have an ideal existence. But their cosy habitat is now under threat, which is why we're asking you to help 'Re-house a Lord'....

10.05.12 11:29pm