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Shell to replace petrol pump price gauge with random number generator 1
brownpaperreporter 4 years

that never drops below 140...

UN declares "No Pun" zone for satirical websites. 4
BillyBitzer 4 years

More soon…...

Osborne gets carried away with “whole hawk thing” 2
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

The Chancellor confirmed today that watching oil companies like a hawk meant “jolly well acting like one”. Perched on David Cameron’s forearm during Prime Minister’s questions, Osborne made...

Supermoon blamed for petrol price increase. 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years
Flt Lt Geoff Miller, RAF (Libyan Ops), The Charismatic but Greasy-Haired, 3
4 years

Furtive, Lurking 42 Year-Old has just been designated 'Mission Creep' for Libya...

Scrabble players welcome inclusion of FYI, LOL, and OMG in the OED. 1
Ian Searle 4 years
Killed-off‘Archers’ actor unlikely to repeat Radio Actor of Year success in 2012 1
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Irishman not sure if Guinness tastes better at home 1
4 years

More to follow to be sure...

Enquiry into mass murderer finds that he murdered people 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

The lastest million-pound enquiry into a mass-murderer murders has found that the people he murdered were officially 'murdered'...

Garage mechanics to be given compulsory sex equality training 4
John Wiltshire 4 years

As part of the Lib Dems' conditions for forming the coalition government, all garage mechanics in the UK are to undergo compulsory sex equality training., The Lib Dems' spokesperson on equalities,...

Man presumed using a bluetooth headset actually having a breakdown 0
simonjmr 4 years
Nancy Kissel sings : My milkshake puts all the boys in the ground, 0
simonjmr 4 years
Royal wedding night to be released on 23
jp1885 4 years

A recording of Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding night will be available to view on popular adult website within hours of the happy couple fully consummating their marriage...

59p app brings down government 3
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

The iPhone became the latest piece of technology to trigger regime change yesterday as a 59p app caused the collapse of the entire British establishment, and war with America.   The incident...

Ambulance thieves berated by NHS for bringing down average response times 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years

In an attempt to evade police after their robbery on a jewellers, thieves hijacked a nearby ambulance. With one driving and the others in the back, they set off with the sirens going. The gang...

Final series of 'My Family' to end in mass slaughter 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

The BBC has promised that the next series of My Family will be the last, as it will end in the mass slaughter of all the cast members., A BBC spokesman said that the programme had gone on for 11...

Charlie's Angels 0
Billy Pilgrim 4 years Charlie’s Angels[u] Charlie Sheen has volunteered to help sort out Colonel Gadaffi., As a result...

Acker Bilk on stand-by for Libyan operations after MoD admits theft of clarinet 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Invidious is the most offensive word, research claims 4
simonjmr 4 years
NATO put in charge of No Fly zone, US in charge of accidental civilian deaths 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Ofcom bans the media from using the phrase "big fat". 2
Tammy Flugh 4 years

"The big fat general public has had enou.. oops!", a spokesman said this afternoon...

Police Officer arrested for impersonating a traffic warden 0
Des and Stan 4 years

A police officer has been arrested and charged with the offence of ‘impersonating a traffic warden’ which carries a fixed penalty of 60 days’ imprisonment (reduced to 30 days if commenced...

Wiltshire police extend 2-for-1 offer to murderers 0
timyarby 4 years

More later...

Harry to get best man speech tips from Roy “Chubby” Brown 3
beau-jolly 4 years

[More f***ing later]...

Cameron and Obama issue statement on mission creep. 'Sarkozy has to go' 3
pinxit 4 years
Government indignation intended to get Britain growing vegetables 0
OldThingy 4 years

Bigger cabbages next...

British Gas to sell petrol 6
greg various 4 years

British Gas has today announced it is to expand its energy business into the petrol retail market. It will shortly be seeking suitable sites throughout the country and aims to revolutionise the...

Schoolchild found taking cocaine given lines to do in detention 3
Qoxiivi 4 years
French air force shrugs off "aggressive" claim after missile attack on toy plane 0
nilbymouse 4 years

"Are we policing this zone or not?" shrugged Col Thierry Burkhard...

Facebook profile falls foul of new ASA powers to police websites 3
Andrew 4 years

After reading the Facebook profile of Harrogate shop assistant Jane Walker, which described her as "single" and "interested in men", friend and admirer James Burns made a move on her in the kitchen...