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DNA database gaping hole to be filled by Lollipop Ladies

A shocking 11,266,000 motorists, OAP’s and one legged jay hoppers are missing from the national DNA database, it emerged last night. The convicts, all of whom are at liberty, may have been able to...

1
witless 13.10.11 9:14am
witless
Military expert praises masterly tactics of ‘Minister of Defensiveness’

A military expert has praised Liam Fox’s handling of the current press skirmishes, calling him ‘an excellent Minister of Defensiveness’ and a ‘master of ducking and diving, almost on a par...

0
Clarky 12.10.11 10:24am
Clarky
Wheelchair hits eel pair and kills oper 0
RJWinter 12.10.11 10:18am
RJWinter
Werritty tipped as new defence minister 1
roybland 12.10.11 10:14am
medici2471
New shop fitting design award looks for creatives who are “counter-intuitive”. 3
nickb 12.10.11 2:12pm
witless
Supreme Court rules that forced marriage is to be encouraged 0
medici2471 12.10.11 10:00am
medici2471
Homeopathic sex therapist tells man to give his wife 0.000000001 3
Runestone Cowboy 12.10.11 7:48pm
nickb
Desperate Blackberry users switch to conference pears 1
Runestone Cowboy 12.10.11 9:59am
writinginbsl
Prime Ministers questions to include 5 minute reality TV discussion every week

In a bid to be more street, our elected members will discuss the X factor, Strictly come dancing, big brother, Katie Price and any other tat that passes for entertainment, as these are the real issue...

0
Iamthestig 12.10.11 9:06am
Iamthestig
"Don't Ask ,Don't Tell" unacceptable response to MoD probe 0
medici2471 12.10.11 9:02am
medici2471
Ban on 1500m and 800m runners from attending 2012 Olympics slammed as racist. 0
wallster 12.10.11 9:02am
wallster
UK and U.S. special forces free Woolwich Ferry

British and U.S. special forces staged a daring raid to free the Woolwich Ferry which had been hijacked by pirates off the coast of North Woolwich today. The pirates surrendered and were arrested...

2
witless 12.10.11 10:02am
writinginbsl
The Sweeney Series 8 Episode 4

"Hello, Liam." "Hello, Mr Regan." "Excuse George and I barging in like this but we had a whisper you might be up to something..comprende?" "Me Mr Regan? You should know better than that. I've...

0
Drylaw 12.10.11 8:06am
Drylaw
Radio News to warn listeners about items with flash photography

A familiar TV news catchphrase is to make its way onto radio, warning listeners about upcoming reports that feature the sounds associated with flash photography. A BBC spokesman said last night...

4
nickb 12.10.11 10:21am
nickb
Fox buggered by accusations

Liam Fox today questioned the reporting of a [s]buggery[/s] burglary which took place in his flat around the time of the General Election. “My wife was stranded in Hong Kong due to the volcanic...

1
witless 12.10.11 9:18am
Drylaw
Gringotts - "Wizards to Switch to Euro"

In a surprise announcement, the wizarding bank Gringotts has announced that the Galleon is being discontinued and in 2014 the wizarding community will switch to the euro. "I know it seems a bad...

1
apepper 12.10.11 9:27am
Ostsee
Fox can explain everything "It's all on the Blackberry server"

Defence Secretary, Liam Fox, has a document that completely explains the apparent misunderstanding about the position of Adam Werritty. "It clears up everything; why he was in my office, why he was...

0
apepper 12.10.11 4:48am
apepper
I'll warrant there's nae harder man than George Alagiah - Scots fan 0
Drylaw 12.10.11 4:28am
Drylaw
John Craven to Host the X-Tractor.

FORMER Newsround presenter and all round countryfile good guy John Craven has been announced as the host of BBC's new reality show The X-Tractor. Expand on this perhaps folks?...

4
delightfullyodd 12.10.11 10:00am
writinginbsl
Interest in airline grows as Branson and Stelios join to launch Easy Virgin. 10
Perks 16.10.11 9:46pm
vertical
Saudi Ambassador regrets not offering Iranian delegate a Ferrero Rocher 0
Perks 11.10.11 10:08pm
Perks
Man United to take over London Olympic stadium to be closer to their fans. 4
MADJEZ 12.10.11 6:56am
nickb
Olympic stadium to become a Starbucks. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.10.11 9:29pm
dominic_mcg
Sting Claims Credit As Special Forces Rescue Pirate Held Ship

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15261734...

1
The All New Jeni B 11.10.11 9:17pm
Steve Jobs' coffin not expected to have windows. 1
wallster 11.10.11 9:01pm
button
Widowed fruit and veg seller finally 'back on the market'

[More soon]...

1
dicky37 11.10.11 9:03pm
button
Bomb disposal engineers to help elderly switch on central heating

The government Is deploying crack army bomb disposal units to help Britain's elderly switch on their central heating this winter.,  , Fred (86) and Ethel (85) Wilkinson said they've been trying...

2
roybland 11.10.11 8:39pm
JohnA
Squirrel Hedge Fund Leader Claims "This is the Wrong Time To Stockpile Nuts" 2
thisisall1word 12.10.11 9:22am
vertical
Fox in right job. Look how good at defence he is, quips PM 2
Clarky 11.10.11 7:35pm
Clarky
Rooney writes to UEFA to reduce ban

Dear Mr UEFA Must be a Euro thing as it was Dear Jim when I was a kid. Anyway, as bans go, three's a bit harsh ennit? And I was hoping that with my serious face and an extra weave due next week I...

0
brownpaperreporter 11.10.11 6:03pm
brownpaperreporter