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Guide Dogs Christmas catalogue brings welcome diversion from hot weather

People across the UK are reported to be delighted by the arrival of the latest Christmas catalogue from the Guide Dogs for the Blind Association. With the unremitting hot weather, the thoughtful...

Dick Everyman 21.07.13 5:03pm
Excitement over royal baby 'not as great as that for new iPhone'

Excitement over the royal baby is not as great as that over a launch of a new iPhone, according to analysts. 'Although there is a lot of public interest in the imminent arrival of the royal baby,'...

roybland 21.07.13 4:33pm
Fat cats to get tax breaks “to release trapped wind”

Wealthy businesspeople, many of them Conservative voters, are to get tax relief for the release of trapped wind, which could help keep energy prices down. Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne...

CulchaVulcha 21.07.13 2:57pm
Kate's baby abducted by aliens 3
sponge finger 21.07.13 1:27pm
Newsflash: retardorical - word of the week 4
Sinnick 21.07.13 11:30am
Kate falls out with Charles as he insists on homeopathic pain relief

More soon I want the reporters off my cycle route...

Not Amused 21.07.13 11:02am
Not Amused
Cameron demands internet providers block images of Boris Johnson. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 21.07.13 10:52am
Al OPecia
Batman/Superman combo tops the "w**k-bank"

Teenage boys throughout the known world have been fervently tearing down posters of buxom Katy Perry, to make way for images of the forthcoming film devoted to the "Man of Steel" & "The Caped...

Wrenfoe 21.07.13 10:42am
Dyslexic outrage in Islamic community as US bomb Great Barrier Reef "molluscs"

More later...

Wrenfoe 21.07.13 10:00am
Baby Tweets "Go Away And Leave Me Alone. I'm Quite Happy Where I Am, Thank You" 0
Titus 21.07.13 9:31am
Baby Delay Due To Storks' Strike & Gooseberry Bush Clearances

Allegedly. More (or at least [i]something[/i]) soon we hope...

Titus 21.07.13 9:21am
PRISM unfollows Ricky Gervais

In a move that has created zero impact in the Twitter world but significant surprise in the Intelligence gathering community, the NSA's data mining program has ceased to monitor the multi-award...

Wrenfoe 21.07.13 9:00am
French Abandon Cycle Racing as National Sport

Following nearly 30 years of failure to win their own major national sporting event, and folowing the particular humiliation of the event being won two years is succession by riders from, of all...

Titus 21.07.13 7:58am
Successful Cover-Up By News Media Of Birth Of Royal Baby

News hacks have sucessfully managed so far to keep totally secret the successful birth of a happy, healthy, bouncing new royal baby more than three days ago. "We didn't want to eclipse news of...

Titus 21.07.13 7:34am
Man Tries To Eat His Way Out Of Belmarsh Prison

A man who cannot be named for legal reasons but who is believed to be one of two men currently preparing to assist the courts with the trial and conviction of the killers of soldier Lee Rigby has...

Titus 21.07.13 7:16am
It's a girl!

You read it on NewsBiscuit first ...

Arthur 21.07.13 12:52am
Lindo Wing surrounded by obstetricians cunningly disguised as press reporters

(But sober) ...

Arthur 21.07.13 12:49am
William Hill giving 14:1 on royal baby being white 4
Arthur 20.07.13 10:25pm
Jesus H
St Mary's Hospital Staff Beg Hacks To Stop Singing 'Why Are We Waiting?'

"The continual slow handclapping is beginning to get on our tits a bit as well" complained a senior obstetric consultant. But the landlord of nearby pub the Fountains Abbey said "Nah, no worries...

Titus 20.07.13 9:50pm
get off Sponge 6
sponge finger 20.07.13 9:15pm
Quasimodo orders whisky - 'The Bells, the Bells' 0
Smart Alex 20.07.13 9:09pm
Smart Alex
New Korean joke: I say, my dog's got no tongue. How does it taste? Delicious! 0
Smart Alex 20.07.13 9:07pm
Smart Alex
New motorcycle gets you faster to where you shouldn't be 0
Dumbnews 20.07.13 8:49pm
Alas Smith 7
beau-jolly 20.07.13 7:55pm
China discovers new source of energy by setting fire to country 0
Dumbnews 20.07.13 6:45pm
'Boomerang kids' to post reviews of home on Tripadvisor

A new version of Tripadvisor is to be launched, enabling adult children who return to the parental home - so-called 'boomerang kids' - to write critical reviews of the services provided by their...

Clarky 20.07.13 5:11pm
Alcoholism Shows Women Not Quite As Equal As They Like to Try To Pretend

much to the fury of all the ranting feminists. "Oi, you, you with the teshticles - are you lookin' at my pint? [hic] I'll bloody shlap you, you chauvinissh chivinaus schauv sauvignon " [falls...

Titus 20.07.13 4:38pm
EDL throw bottles at The Police, Sting uninjured

Full bottles later...

virtuallywill 20.07.13 2:32pm
Ramadan TV Specials

As it's the holy month of Ramadan and to get everyone in the spirit, TV companies have announced a series of specially themed programmes, including: Ready, Steady, Don't Cook, a lighthearted...

custard cream 20.07.13 1:24pm
custard cream
MP's Vote for Pay Cut

In an unprecedented move last week, MP’s voted unanimously for a 5% cut in salary and a cap on other benefits to be implemented with immediate effect. All MP’s including the Prime Minister and...

Scarlett productions 20.07.13 12:35pm
Scarlett productions