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Man Utd and Chelsea set to go head to head for 'the next next next Pele'

14 year old Sao Paulo academy player Junior dos Santos Riviero Lima da Estrada Flagrinho, better known by his nickname Bob, is said to be the subject of interest from both Manchester United and...

3
Vertically Challenged Giant 13.10.11 10:09am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Apple admit to accidentally haunting millions of iPhones in latest update

The iOS update to version 5 was tainted with the spirits of former FOXXCON employees who were suicided for leaking trade secrets. Hmm. I feel like a socialist with a fold-able table and a loud...

0
gaijintendo 13.10.11 8:31am
gaijintendo
New Blockberry helps you look stylish while not taking any calls

. There's a joke in there somewhere....

0
ronseal 13.10.11 8:23am
ronseal
OCD lottery winners hand back £1m of £101m 'to make it tidy' 4
Clarky 13.10.11 8:24am
Perks
Steve Jobs to upgrade Moses' tablets. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 13.10.11 7:44am
Al OPecia
Zoo workers training NHS nurses

Zoo workers are helping to train NHS nurses in the UK, the health secretary Andrew Lansley has announced.,  , Mr Lansley said that some zoo workers could fairly be described as 'angels', so...

2
roybland 13.10.11 8:43am
dvo4fun
Campaign for Better English calls for Water Regulator to be renamed "FromWat" 0
brownpaperreporter 13.10.11 7:25am
brownpaperreporter
Fuel-starved families driven to beg under coal-ition

‘Got any loose coal, mister?’ – that’s the cry echoing round our city centre streets, as the coalition government’s tough green energy measures begin to take their toll on consumers. With...

8
Clarky 13.10.11 9:33am
Perks
Dr Conrad Murray appointed head of NHS Reforms

Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray has been appointed head of the controversial NHS reforms. "He's really impressed me", said Health Secretary Andrew Lansley, "and he seems just the man to push...

0
apepper 13.10.11 6:27am
apepper
Closet Agoraphobic Finally Comes Out

Tony Bateman, trainee assistant stationary cupboard organiser, has finally been coaxed from his cupboard refuge after a 7 hour stand-off with colleagues at the HR department of Bedford Hospital. "We...

0
kga6 13.10.11 6:25am
kga6
Blackberry outage leaves millions feeling unimportant 3
Dumbnews 13.10.11 8:16am
Boutros
Facebook changes delights stalkers 0
Dumbnews 13.10.11 12:54am
Dumbnews
Fox To Inquiry: Did You Chaps Ever See "Fight Club"? It's A Bit Like That 0
Textbook 13.10.11 12:38am
Textbook
Now Dale Farm is an 'art project', claim travellers.

In a last desperate bid attempt to evade eviction, Dale Farm travellers have petitioned Basildon Council for the former scrapyard to be reclassified as installation art, taking their cue from Tracy...

2
Boutros 13.10.11 11:32am
Boutros
Bomber's plan descibed as 'absolute pants'

More later...

0
spoole2112 12.10.11 11:27pm
spoole2112
IKEA recalls catalogue after failing to point-out Swedish children not included

Furniture giant IKEA today recalled its 2012 catalogue after many potential middle-class purchasers were disappointed to discover that the five and six year old child extras used to give depth to the...

3
antharrison 13.10.11 7:56am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Poll shows Hitler more popular than man who created "Go Compare" adverts

Please, the blasted adverts are just insurance comparison websites, one after the other...

5
JohnA 12.10.11 10:54pm
JohnA
MBA marketing student "Unwittingly acted a bit C2"

Denise Turner a 23 year old MBA student, studying on the first year of her course, has admitted that far from acting as a regular ABC1 citizen she may have unwittingly displayed behaviour which could...

9
antharrison 13.10.11 11:46am
beau-jolly
RyanAir to offer no frills colostomy surgery to frequent flyers

Keen to upstage Virgin Rails plan to encourage rush hour travellers to cuddle, shy and retiring boss Michael O'Leary has suggested taking out all but one of the toilets on his planes, to increase...

4
witless 13.10.11 8:04am
witless
Unemployment figures to fall as Government agrees being a mum is a full time job - 2

Unemployment figures are expected to fall drastically over the quarter as the government pledges to agree with an often thrown around phrase, and recognise 'being a mum' as a full-time job. ...

30
Perks 13.10.11 2:13pm
thisisall1word
Lunatic fringe bomb Barnet shop - police comb through wreckage

might need a trim. Going anywhere nice this weekend?...

1
vertical 12.10.11 8:18pm
witless
London rioters in jail being retrained as stock takers

easy for them to pick up claims Liberal think tank after dismissing recycling operatives idea...

0
witless 12.10.11 7:13pm
witless
Gay Lifestyle Magazine asks Do Trans Fats cause gender confusion? 0
vertical 12.10.11 5:57pm
vertical
News just in via Blackberry - Queen Victoria’s coach crashes in Blackwall Tunnel

being pursued by paparazzi...

2
witless 13.10.11 7:51am
witless
Underpants bomber pleads dirty

Bold later...

0
virtuallywill 12.10.11 5:17pm
virtuallywill
Shanklin residents complain of "deafening silence" from Quaker Meeting House

I had a whole story to go with this, but I've forgotten what it was...

7
JohnA 17.10.11 7:35am
writinginbsl
Cameron - "I love the Fantastic Mr. Fox."

PRIME Minister David Cameron today announced that he is a huge admirer of the Fantastic Mr. Fox and reads it to his children every night at bedtime. He said: "It's a tremendous book. In it he has...

0
delightfullyodd 12.10.11 4:57pm
delightfullyodd
Sharp Rise in Employment of Unemloyment counters

As the Jobless figures increase, this has been partially offset by the increase in the number of people employed to count them. A recently employed spokesman for the unemployment registry said "I was...

0
Rowly 12.10.11 4:55pm
Rowly
Plane bomber changes plea; "my pants were on fire"

More to follow...

0
apepper 12.10.11 3:36pm
apepper
Blackberry outage; if you've any ideas, you'll have to keep it to yourself

The Blackberry mobile phone network has collapsed; if you've a Blackberry phone and have lost service then, send a postcard or sealed envelope to Blackberry with the telephone number of the person...

0
apepper 12.10.11 3:35pm
apepper