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Ferry company shocked by 100 car pile-up during Isle of Wight crossing. 0
Smart Alex 06.09.13 12:40pm
Smart Alex
Leonard Cohen & Morrisey to pen new England 2014 World Cup Song

A day late I know...

Scronnyglonkle 06.09.13 12:26pm
FA announces competition to write England’s World Cup song...

Greg Dyke, the new chairman of the Football Association, has announced an X-Factor-style competition to find the next England World Cup song. “We’re looking for a song that sums up how the...

Tripod 06.09.13 12:25pm
Plight of water voles addressed by union

The Nation Union of Riverbank Creatures (NURC) opened its conference in Bournemouth this morning with stark warnings about the state of wildlife in Britain. Greville Westhope, General Secretary,...

Coco 06.09.13 12:14pm
Man with hatred of garden ornaments intrinsically Gnomophobic 1
simonjmr 06.09.13 11:58am
MOD cuts mean Royal Logistics corp to be outsourced to Mumsnet 0
simonjmr 06.09.13 11:56am
Nelson Mandela's battle against acne to be published: The long walk to freederm 0
simonjmr 06.09.13 11:53am
'One Direction' to fork.

(beat that for succinctness)...

Boutros 06.09.13 10:22am
International Boyband "G-20" to split

started writing but had nowhere to go...

moanygit 06.09.13 10:22am
"Bollox To The Syrians" Says Cameron To His Press Team "But Dress It Up A Bit" 0
Titus 06.09.13 10:19am
Government to prevent crashes by telling motorists not to crash

The Secretary of State for Transport, Patrick McLoughlin, today ordered motorists not to crash. He said: 'This government is determined to stop car crashes. The one on the Sheppey crossing was a...

John Wiltshire 06.09.13 10:08am
Daily Mail website to be given Moral Panic button

The world’s most visited news website, Mail Online, is to be fitted with a special panic button that readers can use to express their sense of moral outrage. Clicking the button will automatically...

Ludicity 06.09.13 9:38am
John Wiltshire
Man sues government for not putting warning signs on top of buildings

Nigel McKenzie, 37, of Basingtoke Hospital, is taking the government to the Eurpoean Court of Justice over its failure to put signs on the top of every building in the country warning of the...

John Wiltshire 06.09.13 9:27am
John Wiltshire
Cult Leads To Newsbiscuit Neat-O Suspicions

A Leeds market trader that sells a range of discount northern style cloth hats was surprised to learn he had inadvertently started a cult. Due to the bargain nature of the hats all of which cost...

Flugelbinder 06.09.13 8:53am
G20 summit stalls as Putin jinxes Obama

The G20 summit and the vital discussion on Syria suffered a major setback today as President Putin successfully jinxed Obama, after they had inadvertently said the word ‘bomb’ at the same time. ...

suki 06.09.13 5:23am
Bugs totally chilled out except tense leech

Neato (sorry)...

Psycadelic Squirrel 06.09.13 3:20am
Psycadelic Squirrel
Sheppey Crossing dense fog pile-up: police search CCTV for clues 1
Arthur 05.09.13 11:53pm
Sheppey crossing pile-up: one person charged

Kent Police today said that one person had been charged in connection with the Sheppey crossing pile-up, in which 130 vehicles were involved and dozens injured. Having interviewed all concerned, the...

Arthur 05.09.13 11:41pm
Dismay Among Farmers As Army Burns Crops Of Illegal Apostrophes 0
Titus 05.09.13 11:38pm
ITV unveil 2014 line-up.

Hot on the heels of their 2013 hits 'Your Face Sounds Familiar', 'Celebrity Splash', 'Big Star Little Star' and 'Even More You've Been Framed', ITV Chief Executive Farhad Omar has revealed what he...

WatcherMark 05.09.13 11:09pm
Paddy Berzinski
Everything Everywhere conga causes massive pile up as it reaches Sheppey Crosing

Kevin Bacon on the run - police advise the public not to approach him or risk being bored to fucking death. (had to omit an 's' from crossing to fit...

raudus 05.09.13 10:58pm
IOW branded 'a small island no-one pays attention to' 8
Squudge 05.09.13 10:56pm
Cameron to be first UK Prime Minister to avoid starting a war since Chamberlain 3
Arthur 05.09.13 10:50pm
Wayne Rooney admits desperate measures to get out of being on Strictly. 0
deskpilot3 05.09.13 10:32pm
Shard architect reflects on his design. And vice versa. 0
Maverick 05.09.13 10:07pm
Orphan tree asks if it's a son of a beech or a son of a birch.

I dunno, but its mother was a great piece of ash...

Maverick 05.09.13 10:06pm
Dyson complains not enough good banks to put his money in

Billionaire Sir James Dyson, who made his fortune out of various sucking up thingamajigs, has berated the poor quality of British Banks. "There just aren't enough good banks for me to put all my...

Andrew Mack 05.09.13 8:57pm
Andrew Mack
63 million people injured in Sheppey pile-up according to Injury Lawyers 4 You

More claims soon...

ianslat 05.09.13 8:02pm
Pharmacist refuses to give medicine to Alzheimer's victim who forgot his address 0
Arthur 05.09.13 7:07pm
Value of punctuation falls to two pound's a pound, says Ofsted report 0
Arthur 05.09.13 6:56pm