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‘Romantic’ London Eye becomes world’s first rotating brothel

Visitors to the popular London Eye ferris wheel were last night appalled at the behaviour of the users, stating that the Valentine’s day spirit had gotten unnecessarily raunchy. The Eye had been...

kimllfixit 20.02.12 10:31am
EU bans kilts for non-Scots at weddings

Any non-Scottish people caught wearing kilts at weddings face at least ten years' hard labour in a Polish prison under a new EU ruling. Sales of kilts as far south as Devon have increased ten-fold...

hughesroland 20.02.12 10:29am
Major Clanger
Kate 'has let herself go a bit' reveal Scouse women

As the Duchess of Cambridge blessed the good people of Liverpool with her presence for a photo and some chips, some of the local harridans have taken the time to pick fault with her outward...

20.02.12 10:26am
Major Clanger
Horse prices remain stable 4
1leonardo 20.02.12 10:23am
PM defends inclusion of zebra at NHS overhaul meeting

lots of empty chairs otherwise more soon...

writinginbsl 20.02.12 10:15am
Ghost Of Dead Mother Even More Annoying Than When She Was Alive

Eleanor Drysden, 51, of Leeds, Yorkshire is undergoing unwelcome visitations from her recently deceased Mother, Ethel Bowler, who died last month of natural causes. Eleanor was at her side comforting...

SimonJJames 20.02.12 10:14am
Major Clanger
Thief cuts bicycle to steal lock 1
Dumbnews 20.02.12 10:10am
Major Clanger
'Don't reveal my identity' pleads anonymous witness Terry Jenkins (now 19)

The crown prosecution service has revealed that a record pay-out of £600k was made to the family of a child witness, after his identity was mistakenly disclosed to a violent gang. And now there are...

20.02.12 10:02am
Major Clanger
Man has legs lengthened to reduce BMI. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 20.02.12 10:01am
Entire family wiped out in toaster crumbs avalanche tragedy.

The Home Office has issued urgent new guidance warning householders of the dangers of attempting to empty the toaster crumb tray. The warning follows the tragic case of the Watson family from...

malgor 20.02.12 9:32am
Boxers accused of fighting

Two boxers have been accused of fighting. "This is disgraceful", said a promoter, "they're doing it for nothing."...

apepper 20.02.12 9:28am
EU finds the Campaign for Real Beauty discrimates against beautiful women.

Feb 20th. In a bitter blow for a leading soap manufacture, the high profile campaign for real beauty was found to be discrimatory by the European Court of human rights in the Hague. Speaking...

Jugglia 20.02.12 9:00am
Hundreds of gays too ashamed to admit to secret footballing double life

Hundreds of homosexuals are leading a secret double life as dim bigotted sportsmen, according to the Poofs Fairies and Queens Association., A detailed report unearths numerous gays who are too...

tommyc90 20.02.12 8:26am
Japanese football tax accountant commits hari redknap 0
DorsetBoy 20.02.12 4:41am
Bobby Brown walks from funeral for playing fucking awful Whitney Houston tunes. 0
MADJEZ 20.02.12 1:06am
Cameron offers Scotland to Argentina as goodwill gesture 9
button 19.02.12 9:14pm
Shock as men paid to punch each other almost come to blows

The world of paying men to punch each other for our entertainment was rocked last night, after two men who've been trained to punch each other almost came to blows. "I cannot understand where they...

ronseal 19.02.12 9:11pm
Major detergent spill leads to big bubbles in Little China

[More soon]...

dicky37 19.02.12 7:18pm
New glasses to allow you to see life in 2D 0
hughesroland 19.02.12 6:45pm
Scientists Abandon Search for Life at Utility Company Call Centres

The SETI institute has today announced that it is abandoning attempts to contact life at call centres run by major Gas and Electricity providers. "It is likely that life once existed there, but after...

The All New Jeni B 19.02.12 5:32pm
Iran to stop selling crude oil to UK & France

'from now on you’ll only get witty, urbane and sophisticated oil,’ says spokesman...

John Ffitch-Rucker 19.02.12 2:40pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Is America getting dummer? 4
Dumbnews 19.02.12 12:28pm
Is this the humblest man in Britain? asks new sunday tabloid 0
ronseal 19.02.12 12:01pm
. 0
Qoxiivi 19.02.12 11:46am
Welsh Assembly to keep checks on Plaid voters. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 19.02.12 11:23am
Swedish man trapped in car for two months blames central locking.

'It's amazing no-one in Tescøs car park noticed.'...

MADJEZ 19.02.12 11:06am
Optometrist glad that his glass is half-full 2
Smart Alex 19.02.12 11:01am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Man has dream that isn’t ‘weird’.

Early reports of a dream a man had last night could mark the beginning of a new stage in human evolution, say scientists. Until now, the ‘I had the weirdest dream last night’ introduction to a...

malgor 19.02.12 6:52am
Real world to be rearranged in accordance with actors preferences.

The real world today announced that it would rearrange itself in accordance with the beliefs and desires of the acting ‘profession’. “I finally realised that I’ve been mistaken,” said Mr....

John Ffitch-Rucker 19.02.12 6:06am
Nonsense-spouting "Sun on Sunday" will be perfect post-church read says Murdoch. 7
Haywood Manley 19.02.12 6:04am