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Alex Ferguson finally masters time travel

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has finally discovered the secret of time travel following a lifelong quest. Ferguson, famous for constantly looking at and tapping his watch at the end...

0
ianslat 13.03.12 9:41am
ianslat
Gvt shrugs its shoulders at claim UK nuclear energy could end up in French hands 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.03.12 9:34am
Duncan Biscuit
Gvt. still trying to get an appointment to meet GPs to progress NHS reforms 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.03.12 9:34am
Duncan Biscuit
Southerners could be reduced to drinking their own urine

Many getting in practice by drinking local beers...

1
yussle 13.03.12 9:09am
The All New Jeni B
Cameron advised that he is being badly advised.

Four former FoE directors have told David Cameron that he is being badly advised over UK's nuclear power plans., "Of course I am badly advised" retorted Cameron, "You don't think I come up with so...

0
weematt 13.03.12 8:44am
weematt
Complaints pour in after Witness Protection Scheme sells customer data

Chicago police are currently investigating a crop of kidnappings and murders of people in the federal witness protection scheme. The connection between the victims has been traced to the sale of...

3
Immunis 13.03.12 7:55am
Immunis
Shock as man trained to shoot foreign people shoots some foreign people

more later...

1
dvo4fun 13.03.12 7:43am
arthurminnit
Fears grow that student walkout may precipitate collapse of UK economy

Wednesday's planned walkout by tens of thousands of students protesting against government reforms to higher education could lead to the collapse of the UK economy, plunging the country into a 1930's...

1
roybland 13.03.12 7:16am
Griffin
Jazz mad councils abondon special Clio Lanes after they cause more jams.

More shibbaddy-dup-a-dee-bee-wha-bopp soon. Nice!!!...

4
Ian Searle 12.03.12 11:45pm
malgor
Many double arm amputees are voting with their feet

more later...

2
dvo4fun 12.03.12 11:19pm
JETFAB
South-East Facing Hosepipe Ban, Gardeners to Water in North-West Direction 0
thisisall1word 12.03.12 10:43pm
thisisall1word
Gay bishop attacks straight marriage

More to follow...

0
apepper 12.03.12 10:04pm
apepper
Lib Dems diagnosed with "locked-in-coalition" syndrome 1
Mandy Lifeboat 12.03.12 9:57pm
JustSomeBloke
Catholic clergy up in arms over gay marriage ban

"If they're not going to allow gay marriage," said Father Ben Dover today, "What in heaven has been the point of all the work we've put in grooming and sodomising the flower of the youth of our...

1
JustSomeBloke 12.03.12 9:19pm
JustSomeBloke
NHS Direct to be replaced with reading the Daily Mail

The latest attempt at reforming the National Health Service by ‘Minister for the sick and clumsy’ Andrew Lansley is to save money by scraping NHS Direct and encouraging ill people to read the...

1
Immunis 12.03.12 7:10pm
dvo4fun
Eric Joyce quits as Labour MP to join US Army in Kandahar 0
cinquecento 12.03.12 4:48pm
cinquecento
Shinawatra weleashesh new shingle "I did it Thai way". 0
Ian Searle 12.03.12 4:37pm
Ian Searle
Tudor re-enactor tobacco smokers face hose and pipe ban 0
simonjmr 12.03.12 3:58pm
simonjmr
No Met leak culture - claims senior News International Exec on behalf of Met 0
simonjmr 12.03.12 3:17pm
simonjmr
Sales of rope and paracetamol soar in wake of hosepipe ban

Morose, no?...

4
Qoxiivi 12.03.12 2:34pm
dvo4fun
Costa to ban loyalty-card abusers

A Woking man who used a loyalty card to obtain discount cups of coffee from his local Costa coffee shop has been branded a ‘shameless coffee whore’ by store manager Brad Fuller after being...

4
Earl Van Dyke 12.03.12 2:32pm
dvo4fun
Porn stars can now claim for 'peepee eye' for unwanted facials. 0
MADJEZ 12.03.12 1:43pm
MADJEZ
Shinawatra set to up his game following Whyte's failure of 'fit and proper' test 4
Midfield Diamond 12.03.12 1:29pm
Midfield Diamond
Nick Clegg: "Go back to your constituencies, and prepare for oblivion"

I honestly hadn't realised the LibDems had a spring conference. Not exactly high profile, then. It would be nice if someone could do a parody of Cleggie's speech, though I guess the moment has gone...

2
Sinnick 12.03.12 1:16pm
Sinnick
Farmers' markets a threat to Britain's high streets, says report

Britain's high streets are blighted by the spread of farmers' markets and their weird customers, according to retail expert Mary Portas. 'It's not just the unsightly appearance of these outlets...

0
roybland 12.03.12 12:51pm
roybland
'Right-to-die' opposers say people should be left-to-die 0
charlies_hat 12.03.12 12:32pm
charlies_hat
Oranges not the only fruit, confirms fructotaxonomist 0
cinquecento 12.03.12 12:25pm
cinquecento
Rare Brie wins 2012 Kraft's 0
simonjmr 12.03.12 11:52am
simonjmr
Kate Middleton woos crowds with 'Fuck Morrissey' t-shirt 1
12.03.12 11:48am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Oppose gay marriage, say ageing transvestite child molesters 0
Oxbridge 12.03.12 11:48am
Oxbridge