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Pope Francis proposes radical solution to sex scandals as castrati re-introduced

Newly elected Pope Francis has a radical solution to the church's child sex scandals with the return of castrati to the choirs around the world. A Vatican spokesman explained: "Any priest found to...

apepper 14.03.13 1:00pm
Queen's problem finally diagnosed - it's 'old age'

Doctors at the London hospitals treating Her Majesty the Queen are getting increasingly annoyed the attitude of the woman they refer to only as ‘ER’, as in “ ’er over there”. “We have...

blacklesbianandproudofit 14.03.13 12:30pm
World in shock as Jim Bowen elected Pope 0
reforse 14.03.13 12:26pm
US golfer gets unexpected hole-in-one 0
Scroat 14.03.13 12:18pm
Pope commissions new 'Maradona & child' painting for Sistene chapel

more soon, (Satan made me do it)...

Squudge 14.03.13 11:53am
Midfield Diamond
Pope claims "Malvinas are Argentinian, and I'm infallible so nuh-di-nuh to you!" 0
Smart Alex 14.03.13 10:12am
Smart Alex
Vatican announce new line of 'Frankie Say' t-shirts. More soon...

MADJEZ 14.03.13 10:05am
Vatican claims ownership of the Malvinas

Its not about the oil, mind...

Rootin Tootin 14.03.13 10:04am
Rootin Tootin
Abu Qatada incensed at not being Pope

Speaking from his luxurious London home he slammed the Conclave for not chosing him. " It's discrimination" he said " Why even the second word of my job title is Preacher but they still didn't choose...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 9:47am
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Arrested Geology Prof says he was only "collecting feldspar for the course".

No more soon...

Al OPecia 14.03.13 9:42am
Al OPecia
"Going a tad too far" as BBC Pope election pundit uses Hawk-eye and Telestrator 7
thackaray 14.03.13 9:30am
New Pope elected - but name "Pope Maradona I" vetoed by Cardinals 0
grumblechops 14.03.13 9:19am
Viewers verdict on 'Papal Big Brother'

"No birds, no booze, no cameras, one nomination. I think they have misunderstood the format. Nice house though"...

FlashArry 14.03.13 9:14am
Catherine Parr preferred horse for her main course, says historian 1
Dick Everyman 14.03.13 9:01am
Nick McCarr
Tesco buy Giraffe restaurants, lauch "Tesco tallest" lasagne. 0
olddoc 14.03.13 8:37am
S&M dungeon gimps furious at removal of gagging order 0
irreverendJ 14.03.13 8:22am
New Pope fined after white smoke violates the EU’s anti-pollution laws 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 4:41am
Gary Gonads
Vatican spokesman says Francis not a sissi. 1
Maverick 14.03.13 4:25am
Gary Gonads
Black Smoke From Vatican Indicates Latest Batch Of Communion Wafers Over-Cooked 0
Textbook 14.03.13 3:55am
White smoke an indication of Vatican Pole smoking

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio has narrowly beaten Polish Cardinal Arek Druc to be elected as the 266th Pope. “It was neck and neck for a while but in the end Jorge smoked that Pole” said ...

Gary Gonads 14.03.13 3:49am
Gary Gonads
New Argentinean Pope to Benedict XVI; “Hitler sends his regards” 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 2:55am
Gary Gonads
Former Nazi starts paying WW2 reparations; “it’s time to pay my Jews” 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 2:08am
Gary Gonads
Vatican under 10s Rugby League team gets 17 new locks – on their bedroom doors 0
Gary Gonads 14.03.13 2:00am
Gary Gonads
France is the first. Argentinian. God's having a laugh. 0
Not Amused 14.03.13 1:37am
Not Amused
New Argentinian Pope promises Nazi continuity due to his Odessa past 0
thackaray 14.03.13 1:18am
Entire royal family moving in together in bid to beat bedroom tax

The Queen announced today that, in a bid to avoid cuts in their civil list payments, the entire royal family will be vacating their various residences and moving in to Buckingham Palace by the end of...

Sir Lupus 14.03.13 12:42am
DLT gutted at being overlooked for papacy 'I have the right experience' 0
antharrison 13.03.13 11:59pm
Bernie Ecclestone responsible for 'Pope F1'.

The Vatican has revealed they sold the commercial rights to the Papacy to Bernie Ecclestone for an undisclosed sum last week. It gave him the final say over who would become the new Pope along with...

MADJEZ 13.03.13 11:51pm
Alcohol minimum pricing dropped to pave way for tax increase 1
Squudge 13.03.13 11:51pm
Tesco shocked to discover they've not bought actual Giraffes 2
Wainers 13.03.13 11:49pm