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British fashion writers slam London looters’ dress sense 0
antharrison 4 years

With London Fashion Week commencing in a little over a month, Britain’s fashion writers, presenters and commentators have united to criticise the poor dress sense adopted by many of the weekend’s...

Poor "cannot afford to riot" as cost of petrol bombs soars 0
bonjonelson 4 years
Ocado to introduce online looting. 1
the coarse whisperer 4 years
Cameron praises 'outstanding' coverage of London riots at pool bar 2
Darkbill 2.0 4 years

Prime Minister David Cameron last night praised the placement of two giant plasma screens in the pool bar at his luxury hotel in Italy. Mr Cameron who is on holiday in Tuscany said they offered him...

Clegg returns and declares "everything's OK now" before bursting into flames 0
FraserWords 4 years

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg returned from holiday to take charge of Britain and issued his rallying call at a packed press conference: “Everything will be all right now.”, Mr Clegg paused...

Semi-naked Worthing pensioners loot Oxfam shop. 1
rebel not taken 4 years

Bored Worthing pensioners have caused outrage in the South Coast resort after another night of rioting and looting. A gang of rowdy geriatrics were spotted outside the town's Oxfam Shop with piles...

Sting blamed for recent outbreaks of luteing. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 4 years
Trophy-collecting trawlerman admits to possession of fish fingers 2
pinxit 4 years
The month's news in brief: Hacking in Luton. Looting in Hackney. 0
pinxit 4 years
IRA to close with loss of over 1,800 local jobs 0
William Pumpton 4 years

One of the last local terrorist organisations has today went into administration, putting over 1,800 local jobs at risk. To be confirmed at a press conference later on today, held in a secret...

More looters arrested after police find they checked in to shops on Facebook 0
Vertically Challenged Giant 4 years

Police in North London have made a further 50 arrests relating to the recent riots following the discovery of a Facebook group titled “I love lootin!!!”. The breakthrough came when police...

Robert Peston's online reports to be punctuated in Peston 5
virtuallywill 4 years

The loss of America's AAA credit rating(pause) shoutsloudly that there is risk in lending to America - which at a time of great stress in financial markets could be very...

Police and Kaiser Chiefs dispute whether riot could have been predicted. 7
MADJEZ 4 years
Whole Kosher thing ‘based on bronze-age weight-loss fads’, claims archaeologist 2
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

Dr Ilan Greenberg of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem announced yesterday that the whole concept of “Kosher” might be ‘a bit Atkins, a bit Dukan – you know, the usual weird shit’,...

Long queues at grand opening of Molotov Cocktail bar in north London 1
charlies_hat 4 years
Unrest spreads to Richmond as locals fear disruption to recycling collection 1
Long Distance Clara 4 years
PC world contact rioters to sell extended warranties on all looted goods 2
charlies_hat 4 years
Market traders seek safety of apples as soft fruit volatiliy continues 0
button 4 years
CBI report encouraging rise in demand for half bricks in London area. 0
MADJEZ 4 years
Anthony Worrall Thompson Fire Pit Clarification 0
custard cream 4 years

La Hacienda, the makers of the popular garden product the Fire Pit, endorsed by celebrity chef Anthony Worrall Thompson, today made the following statement: "La Hacienda wish to inform customers of...

Stock Market concern as Gold credit rating downgraded from Au to Ag 4
pinxit 4 years
Michael Winner tells Tottenham to “Calm down, dear” 1
Matt T 4 years

After two nights of unprecedented rioting and arson, the Met Police have unveiled their new weapon in the fight to restore order to the streets of London: Michael Winner. In what the Police are...

Brixton Footlocker looting: Police seeking rioters seen hopping from the scene 0
Long Distance Clara 4 years
Looters who stole TVs returned last night to steal One For All remotes. 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

HDMI cables soon...

Charity Shops outwit looters. 0
rebel not taken 4 years

High Street Charity shops are defying the looters by leaving all their clothes strewn all over the pavement without price stickers on...

Cadbury to launch new product: Taliban Fingers. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Chilly freezer aisle shoppers to be given free cuddle 0
jp1885 4 years

Shoppers of frozen foods at Waitrose are in for a treat as of today, for the upmarket superstore chain will be offering a free cuddle to anyone who ‘looks a bit chilly’ after emerging from the...

Looting is the new growth industry, says CBI. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Wasps ask ‘What’s the point of people? Do they actually serve any purpose?’ 10
Vertically Challenged Giant 4 years

As the summer progresses, more and more wasps are starting to emerge from their nests in search of food, leading to the annual question from frustrated wasps of ‘What exactly is the point of...

South London man offers ‘self offence’ classes 0
jp1885 4 years

The rapid descent of Britain’s inner cities into a seething pressure cooker of poverty, fear and violence has inspired a South London entrepreneur to ‘cut out the middleman’ by offering classes...