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Updated AA Riotplanner available via any good social networking site 0
Iamthestig 4 years
England clear winner of the prize for World's youngest criminals. 0
Awkward Facts 4 years

A generation of effort by planners in the education, justice and child-care systems has been rewarded with the greatest density of under-age villains in cities since Columbia's street urchins were...

Eton to extend hand of friendship to Polar Bear families. 1
Drylaw 4 years

In a dramatic move yesterday, the governors of elite Eton College announced a new Polar Scholarship programme. Under the proposed scheme, Polar Bear youngsters, or "cubs", who exhibit the right...

LOCOG "not worried by negative effect of riots" on next year's Olympics 0
Iscariot 4 years

"We've already sold all the tickets and the money's in the bank."...

Metropolitan police deploy RoboCop to assist with riot control 2
Vertically Challenged Giant 4 years

The Metropolitan Police’s Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin has announced today that the force’s latest recruit, RoboCop, will be sent into action immediately with his first duty being to bring the...

Looters told to take stock...of their behaviour 0
Iamthestig 4 years
London to get super injunction 0
whickerman 4 years

Riots can’t be reported., Can only refer to the increasing popularity of non-traditional methods of, obtaining popular consumer goods...

Football game breaks out during Tottenham riots 0
Nick McCarr 4 years
NHS say upsurge in middle-class leg injuries due to 'riot reaction knee-jerks' 0
pinxit 4 years
Over-competitive playground dad swings child into orbit 2
jp1885 4 years
Looters to self-regulate 0
whickerman 4 years

After the conspicuous success of self-regulation for the press and MPs, looters are to be asked to regulate themselves. Rather than being arrested or hit by big truncheons they are to face the far...

Thousands of blackberry using businessmen to be rounded up. 0
whickerman 4 years

After the widespread use of Blackberrys by looters , the government has called on citizens to detain anyone using these devices. Previously you might just have been annoyed by some self important...

London glazier firm, under investigation of Blackberry Messaging offences. 0
Erlang 4 years

More pane later?...

Wombles cut short Italian holiday to begin London clean up 0
shitsu_tonka 4 years
Birmingham rioters cause over £16 of damage 2
Qoxiivi 4 years
Nike Unveil New "Social Justice" Range of Trainers 0
Drylaw 4 years
Cameron cuts short holiday to be seen cutting short holiday 3
roybland 4 years
William Hague denies SAS involvement in burning down of Allied Carpets Store... 0
William Pumpton 4 years

More to follow...

BBC to revamp Ashes to Ashes 2
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

The BBC has confirmed that it is to remake Ashes to Ashes next year, but reverse the concept. A CID detective falling into a coma in 1981 wakes up in 2011 to find a radical Tory government making...

Rioters tell BBC they're rioting at cuts in services coming into force next year 0
ronseal 4 years

Rioters have been so dismayed at proposed cuts in services, mooted to come into play in the next budgeting period, that they've started looting shops already...

Crack riot police unit set to pounce at first site of middle class softies 0
ronseal 4 years

A tough unit of riot police will spring into action - as soon as they spot some middle class softies. The police, who've not been evident so far, could finally get the chance to flex their law...

Cops On Camera recommissioned for 25 more series. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
BlackBerry underclass riot 0
roybland 4 years
Elite ex Bullingdon Club members to re-form for one off gig in London 0
charlies_hat 4 years
Polari and Cockney Rhyming Slang In Cottaging Scandal. 11
rikkor 4 years
Public school ponce to sort out rioters 0
roybland 4 years
Disappointment as ‘lost’ Stieg Larsson novel revealed as ‘Plinky the Pixie' 0
jp1885 4 years
Sky buys rights to all wedding, birth videos 0
jp1885 4 years
Council to trial paper bin bags 0
jp1885 4 years
Queen to receive elocution lessons after condemning London 'raahters' 0
The Paper Ostrich 4 years

The Queen and senior members of the Royal Family are being given emergency training in the intelligible pronunciation of 'riot' in order to respond effectively to the week's events in London. The...