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Virgin bosses woo female commuters with 'Shades of Grey' masturbation carriages

Women users of Britain’s busy rail network have welcomed the introduction of Christian Grey-themed masturbation carriages. As sales of the seminal ‘mummy porn’ title soared past 15 million...

26.06.12 2:38pm
Vestigial virgins not all they are cracked up to be 0
arthurminnit 26.06.12 1:54pm
Vestal virgin remains tight lipped 2
cinquecento 26.06.12 1:44pm
Emergency picnic hampers ‘really could save lives’ claim French traffic police

The Ministry of Transport in Paris confirmed yesterday that anyone driving in France must carry an ‘emergency hamper’, designed to ‘minimise risk of hunger in event of mechanical failure at...

NewSuburbanDad 26.06.12 1:20pm
Coe criticised for "Olympic Village People" clamp-down

Olympic brand managers were again accused of "overkill" yesterday, following the dawn  arrest of three  men described by police as "a fireman with a massive pole, a javelin-wielding native...

NewSuburbanDad 26.06.12 1:01pm
Slaughter of first-borns to save country £50 bn in Child Benefit, pledge Tories

In a radical overhaul of the welfare system, David Cameron has set out plans for a measured policy of infanticide that could massively reduce the UK deficit, according to experts. The proposed...

Gary Stanton 26.06.12 12:57pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Man hit by lightning couldn't resist 1
Sinnick 26.06.12 12:54pm
Dour Sco...Oh Bollocks! I've Gone And Done It Again haven't I? 0
Duff 26.06.12 12:47pm
Reading Fifty shades of grey on trains just the gateway to public rabbit use

Sociologists have today announced that reading Fifty Shades of Grey is the gateway for women to progress to hard forms of pornography and even indulging in public self sexual gratification. Thirty...

simonjmr 26.06.12 12:23pm
Queen refuses meeting with Martine McCutcheon 0
custard cream 26.06.12 10:58am
custard cream
Martin McGuinness to use special hook hand to show solidarity with Abu Hamzer 0
custard cream 26.06.12 10:54am
custard cream
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns

With thousands of people are lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers...

custard cream 26.06.12 10:39am
custard cream
Murray aims high – hopefully just over net and before baseline 0
Yikes 26.06.12 10:31am
Kate bemused by edict to curtsy to princesses who don’t use tampons

The Duchess of Cambridge has promised to dutifully obey the Queen’s revised Order of Precedence and curtsy to the “blood princesses” even though she reportedly finds the whole thing a bit odd....

Yikes 26.06.12 10:15am
Flatulent Amateur Golfer worried about follow through 0
seymour totti 26.06.12 8:58am
seymour totti
Prudish Dulux spokeman clarifies "There are only 15 shades of grey" 0
charlies_hat 26.06.12 8:43am
Murray’s Rating Upgraded From “Dour Scot" To British Number One

Scottish tennis playing misery-guts, Andy Murray, is said to be overjoyed at hearing the news that from today and following his status having been upgraded by his Mum’s nationality rating agency,...

Duff 26.06.12 8:43am
Virgin rebirthing scheme exposed

[i]Our Afterlife correspondent reports[/i]: In a dramatic turn of events, just hours after news broke of 72 Richard Bransons greeting a suicide bomber in Paradise, a scheme has been uncovered...

26.06.12 8:19am
Retirement home football team still hoping for first clean sheet. 2
weematt 26.06.12 8:10am
Weaker ants now forced to shop at ALDI say scientists

A report published in the Myrmecological News this week reveals that an increasing number of ants working here in the UK are no longer able to bench-press fifty times their own body weight., The...

Nerys Hughes 26.06.12 8:08am
Newsbiscuit Contributors "A Catty Bunch Of Jealous Queens", reveals study - 2

There seems to be some truth in it....

TiffindeVere 26.06.12 7:40am
Paul Simon and EL James to release 50 ways to relieve your lover 2
charlies_hat 26.06.12 7:23am
wrong place... 0
medici2471 26.06.12 7:21am
Ann Summers launches new '50 Grades of Shea' lubricant. 0
weematt 26.06.12 7:20am
World Wide Fund for Nature steps in as Cockneys become endangered species.

They were almost hunted to extinction by the Krays during the sixties, partly beautiful plumage of the Pearly Kings and Queens. A captive breeding program is underway in a site of special scientific...

Ian Searle 26.06.12 6:53am
Ian Searle
Dismay as suicide bomber met in heaven by 72 Richard Bransons. 2
Maverick 26.06.12 5:36am
Pontiff remains tight-lipped about 'papal prophylactics'

A spokesman for the company behind the new 'Vatican Tickler' range of Pope-shaped condoms has told of plans for an aggressive campaign, as they prepare to insert themselves into a tight market. He...

26.06.12 2:32am
Scottish independence "hangs on Murray's performance"

A senior government spokesman has admitted that if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon, he will become irrevocably British and Scottish independence will therefore be impossible. "There's just no way England...

apepper 25.06.12 11:24pm
BBC finally gives Matt Baker his own Channel.

BBC executives have at last decided to give regional favourite and all round chipper chappy, Matt Baker, his own TV channel. Since the former Blue Peter presenter has been on every BBC TV show since...

wallster 25.06.12 10:42pm
Under 25's to get pocket money 'if they have a tidy bedroom' says David Cameron 0
Mandy Lifeboat 25.06.12 8:07pm
Mandy Lifeboat