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PM plans to eliminate poverty by killing off poor people

More to follow...

apepper 25.06.12 4:45pm
Independent Scotland's money to be called the Currency Unit or CU. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 25.06.12 4:35pm
English urge Scottish ‘Better Together’ campaigners to ‘shut the fuck up’

Voters in England are urging politicians from all three major parties to just let Scotland vote for independence, and be done with it. Terry Smith, a spokesman for the no-pressure group ‘Haven’t...

Runestone Cowboy 25.06.12 4:11pm
"Chuggers" to switch to "choplifting"

After mounting concern over the tactics of their High Street charity collectors, TAG Campaign has responded by promising their operations will now be much more discreet. “Collectors will now...

Yikes 25.06.12 4:08pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Unspotted clause in contract forces phone giant to rebrand as “Yodafone"

Mobile phone supplier Vodafone has lost a legal dispute over a clause in an advertising deal with Lucasfilm which will oblige the communications giant to rename itself "Yodafone". The dispute has...

grumblechops 25.06.12 3:18pm
Scotland IP to vote on withdrawing from UKIP 0
bonjonelson 25.06.12 2:48pm
RBS software upgrade downgraded to substandard and poor. 0
weematt 25.06.12 1:54pm
Random drug cheats to be introduced for London 2012 Olympics

In a bid to raise the excitement during the Olympic games, the IOC have announced they will be fielding athletes pumped full of performance enhancing drugs, into some of the games Blue ribbon events....

Iamthestig 25.06.12 1:30pm
Egyptian President assures Christians and women they will be persecuted fairly. 5
Al OPecia 25.06.12 1:28pm
Police investigate mystery disappearance of England flags from millions of cars

Police up and down the UK are investigating the mass disappearance of England flags that where once attached to cars. The mysterious multi-theft happened at about 22:25 on Sunday evening. A...

Perks 25.06.12 12:05pm
England Regains Form after Jittery Start

There must have been a lot of butterflies in English stomachs last night before the kick-off against Italy, as disgruntled fans whose expectations had been dashed by seeing their team get through the...

Cymraeg 25.06.12 11:58am
British women's waists too big say short-armed men 0
roybland 25.06.12 11:15am
Keith Chegwin Emerges From Hiding And Vows To Get Even With Edmonds

Madcap 70s TV star Keith Chegwin has emerged from a two day self-imposed bout of hiding and in a sensational rant blamed it all on his erstwhile pal, Noel Edmonds and his obsession on playing...

Duff 25.06.12 10:11am
Cameron Says Jimmy Carr Made A ‘Fair Call’

Jimmy Carr called the PM a f****ing c**t and the Prime Minister surprisingly appears to agree., In an unprecedented turn of honesty David Cameron took time out from extremely vitally important talks...

daneade 25.06.12 9:56am
"But athletics hasn't been popular since Linford Christie!", England realises.

Track and field sports are about as nationally relevant as the original Karate Kid film, England suddenly realised yesterday. As another GBP1,000,000 was transferred to the bank account of the...

barrowboy 25.06.12 9:55am
Cameron admits Lonesome George has been sluggish and slow paced for last 2 years 0
charlies_hat 25.06.12 9:44am
Shock as mediocre team that can't take penalties loses on penalties 0
Oxbridge 25.06.12 9:43am
England do well against Italy until forced to kick the ball forwards 0
Midfield Diamond 25.06.12 9:19am
Midfield Diamond
Egyptian president's success attributed to popular song by Duffy 0
Sinnick 25.06.12 8:59am
Euro banknotes to be printed on Greece-proof paper 0
jimmydodger 25.06.12 8:54am
RBS getting back to normal operations, fears FSA 0
cinquecento 25.06.12 8:48am
Kate downgraded to 8th in line to the throne in early morning toilet queue. 0
Tomfinger 25.06.12 8:45am
Urge to interview people early indication of Parkinson's

Scientists have determined that Parkinson's disease can be diagnosed early from a compulsion to conduct interviews, advertise life insurance or talk about Geoffrey Boycott...

apepper 25.06.12 7:27am
Michael Jackson's tombstone "getting whiter" 4
grumblechops 25.06.12 7:20am
Egypt leader Mohammed Morrissey says 'Please please let me get what I want' 0
MADJEZ 25.06.12 7:04am
Old Woman who lives in a shoe to loose her housing benefit

She told a reporter she has so many children she doesn't know what to do...

Ian Searle 25.06.12 6:14am
Ian Searle
Contributor Duff Accuses Fellow Newsbiscuit Writers Of Cronyism

In a staggering outburst earlier today Newsbiscuit contributor, Duff, has hit out at what he sees as blatant cronyism and the wholesale formation of little cliques all over the popular online...

Duff 24.06.12 10:49pm
England win in competition to not get stuffed by the Germans : Italians furious 0
FlashArry 24.06.12 10:24pm
Hosepipe ban inspectors work slowed by flooding

Government inspectors charged with enforcing the hosepipe ban have complained that flooding has disrupted their work; "We've had to use frogmen to check that hosepipes aren't being turned on.",...

apepper 24.06.12 10:20pm
Shock as team who've lost 26 out of 27 International tournaments knocked out.

More whining soon...

MADJEZ 24.06.12 10:19pm