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Santa agrees to make less mess next year

Following a host of complaints about sherry glasses strewn about living rooms, mince-pie crumbs on the carpet and piles of coal dust on hearths, Father Christmas has confessed that he may have been a...

Midfield Diamond 29.12.12 11:00pm
Tess Goes
Consumers warned Gayday Loans are a pain in the arse to repay. 4
MADJEZ 29.12.12 10:42pm
Tess Goes
£1 fish man voted Poundland Employee of The Year 1
custard cream 29.12.12 10:25pm
Tess Goes
eBay prostitute offers zero insertion fees... 1
Queen of Tarts 29.12.12 10:15pm
Tess Goes
Tracey Emin awarded a CBE for “getting pissed and being gobby with it”...

Tracey Emin has been recognised with a CBE in the New Year honours list, continuing a long tradition of honouring people who, by definition, have been handsomely rewarded already. According to the...

Tripod 29.12.12 10:01pm
custard cream
Rockin' All Over The World - on a shoestring

Holidaymakers looking for advice on where to go in 2013 can now benefit from a new initiative from publishers Crowded Globe: a CD of classic pop and rock songs about destinations around the planet,...

Sir Lupus 29.12.12 9:03pm
Sir Lupus
Cleese/Palin/Obama to star in 'A Fish Called Cliff' 0
Boutros 29.12.12 8:52pm
New Years Dishonours published in Palace prank

Number Ten and the Palace are said to be 'stunned' by the news that the wrong New Years Honours list has been published. According to the Palace, there was a minor lapse in security on Boxing day,...

Squudge 29.12.12 3:52pm
Fabricant "disappointed" after Sir Wiggo headline confusion. 0
reforse 29.12.12 1:30pm
Sir Bradley Wiggins to star in new series of Knight Rider 1
custard cream 29.12.12 12:51pm
Sheen, Muscle and Whippy knighted in New Year Honours 1
Idiot 29.12.12 12:19pm
Judge demands divorcing couple give wedding guests their Saturday afternoon back

In presiding over the divorce proceedings of Wayne and Traycee Metcalf, Mr Justice Benson ruled that it is profoundly unjust that they were both regaining the freedoms they enjoyed when they were...

Ian 29.12.12 12:16pm
Emergency measures announced for 2013 summer holidays

The Environment Minister, Richard Benyon has today announced emergency measures for the British Summer Holiday, to be brought into effect in the New Year. "Every year we have the same crisis, summer....

Squudge 29.12.12 12:05pm
'Cliff deal' successfully negotiated - Summer Holiday never to be shown again 3
charlies_hat 29.12.12 11:52am
CSI Norfolk: DNA evidence implicates father, brother, uncle, nephew, anyone... 0
Ian 29.12.12 11:03am
Police hunt mass poisoner Nora Virus. 1
MADJEZ 29.12.12 11:00am
Savile on the fiddle again – in the spirit world!

Disgraced TV star and basin-haired pop nonce Sir Jimmy Savile, has carried on with his vile, sexual abuse of children – in the afterlife. According to a leading psychic Savile has simply slipped...

woodsy 29.12.12 10:58am
Moving & poignant side of Little & Large revealed by BBC2 seasonal programming

Tonights BBC2schedules include :"Just call me Syd - a moving documentary about Syd Little's attempts to become a solo performer apart from his regular partner Eddie Large retired after heart...

Solomon Hughes 29.12.12 12:05am
US teacher blasts pupil for late homework 0
Dick Everyman 28.12.12 6:51pm
Dick Everyman
Scientists reveal truth behind The Creation

Day 1 In the beginning physicists created a new earth and a new heaven using sound scientific principles and the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). And the new earth was without form, but they agreed...

Dick Everyman 28.12.12 6:36pm
New EU ruling on Life Insurance puts extra strain on the NHS.

Following the new ruling by the EU that life insurance premiums for men and women must be equal as from 21 December 2012, statisticians have concluded that men and women now have the same life...

JoshSpringer 28.12.12 5:44pm
Mother loses court battle to give child 'pretentious' name

A seven-year-old boy can be given a normal name against his mother's wishes, a judge has ruled. Psychologists argued that unless Carbon Dioxide Rogers receives a normal name soon he could face "a...

Idiot 28.12.12 5:13pm
The All New Jeni B
Septic blackhead-related deaths on the rise, US military reports 0
Idiot 28.12.12 4:42pm
Police slammed for not taking 'Marmalade Theft' seriously

Manchester police have been heavily criticised after refusing to act on a tip-off about a marmalade theft. Instead, the 'Peelers' dismissed the warning as a hoax, which ultimately led to a...

28.12.12 3:56pm
Christmas lunch finishes. Nation celebrates one more sleep until dinner. 1
exigo 28.12.12 2:56pm
PM: Public holidays and TV airtime ‘must reflect UK’

To reflect the ever-changing ideological make-up of the UK, from 2015 Boxing Day will be known as ‘National Atheism Day’ number 10 has announced. In line with Christian leaders on Christmas Day,...

Reg Herring 28.12.12 2:06pm
Dick Everyman
Supermarkets to hide everything in latest Government health initiative

Following on from the ban on tobacco promotion supermarkets across the UK will be forced to hide almost everything under the counter or behind shutters from next April. The Department of Health said...

Dick Everyman 28.12.12 2:04pm
Antarctic drillers pause in quest to find Thatcher's compassion reservoir

more later...

dvo4fun 28.12.12 2:00pm
Dick Everyman
New EU Green Energy technology from Brussels

As countries across Europe struggle to reduce their CO2 outputs and reliance on fossil fuels, there is a small green cabbage like bud of hope that may just save the day., The possibilities of...

danster 28.12.12 1:57pm
Thunderbird wine causes drunken tramp brawl at Gerry Anderson funeral 1
charlies_hat 28.12.12 1:55pm