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Sunderland's sacrificial lamb: Di Canio was the first to raise his arm. 0
deskpilot3 22.09.13 10:12pm
Nephew with hosepipe sprayed uncle 0
Smart Alex 22.09.13 9:10pm
Smart Alex
New TV Series: 'Big Downton House'

Each week, viewers 'phone in to say which [i]Downton Abbey[/i] character they want killed off...

Titus 22.09.13 7:22pm
Yay! Equinox Means Things Now Get Gloomier More Slowly 0
Titus 22.09.13 7:20pm
Bloom to replace Moir as Daily Mail looks to reduce mysogyny levels. 0
Ref Minor 22.09.13 4:00pm
Ref Minor
Miliband accused of doublespeak after wearing two mics on The Andrew Marr Show

and neither work...

Ian Searle 22.09.13 1:18pm
Ian Searle
SPOILER ALERT: On Downton tonight Tom reveals his plans to open a Safari Park

And there's good news for Lady Mary when the garage calls and and tells her that her car will be ready on Tuesday...

Ian Searle 22.09.13 1:15pm
Ian Searle
Meatloaf becomes desperate, and will now do anything for love... including that! 0
Ian Searle 22.09.13 1:11pm
Ian Searle
Apple Store Employee Critical After 'Android Assault'

An Apple store customer service representative is in a critical condition in hospital tonight following a serious assault at the Westfield Stratford City branch. Ian OSwald had been assisting a...

Giroscope 22.09.13 12:49pm
Young Mili Throws Desperate Shapes in Bid To Brand Himself As T'working Class

Mili Serious, the goofy lovable child prodigy from the reality soap At Home With the Milibrands, shocked audiences in Brighton as he cavorted on stage pulling weird faces and doing something strange...

ronseal 22.09.13 11:01am
Miliband Calls Party Workers Sluts In Attempt To Make Labour As Popular As UKIP 0
Titus 22.09.13 8:39am
EDL registers as 'not for prophet organisation' 0
cinquecento 22.09.13 7:58am
Coca Cola search for 'the retard' who came up with bottle label.

[url=]Coke Bottle labelled Retard.[/url] More soon unless told to Retard by a Frenchman...

MADJEZ 22.09.13 6:58am
Mr Target
Party Whip Withdrawn From Woman MP Caught Cleaning Behind Her Fridge

"I can't understand what came over me" sobbed shame-faced Elsie Bigham, who has been a passionate feminist, left-wing campaigner and MP for Northern contituency Coaldale East for 12 years. "I was at...

Titus 22.09.13 12:31am
One in ten fire-fighters 'not fit enough' to be novelty strippers

Hen parties, tree-bound felines and infernos throughout the UK have been put at risk by the paucity of ‘fit’ fire-fighters. Those in active service are expected to pass strident examinations in...

Wrenfoe 22.09.13 12:03am
"Straight talking" Godfrey Bloom announced as new Mail columnist. 1
Ref Minor 21.09.13 9:54pm
Labour fears that one man could destroy conference

Labour officials say they are worried that one man could ruin the party's annual conference meeting this week in Brighton. 'We're very concerned that this man could single-handedly wipe-out all the...

roybland 21.09.13 5:26pm
Artist makes DNA double helix structure with brussel sprouts and cocktail sticks

“As the sprouts decay, I wanted to show the pointlessness of art, life and me.” Immediately receives £100,000 grant from Arts Council and nominated for Turner Prize. “My next project involves...

farmer giles 21.09.13 5:16pm
farmer giles
Hashtag "undeserved" claims dope-smoking Tweeter 0
brownpaperreporter 21.09.13 5:05pm
New US law: gun buyer must have approval of "at least two voices in his head" 4
sydalg 21.09.13 5:00pm
Artist promises to stop suffering for his art and just learn how to draw

An artist from London, who has been stoically suffering for his art for a decade claims he recently had a sudden epiphany. 'I've slept in bed sits covered in suspicious stains, sold priceless...

TobiasBV 21.09.13 3:52pm
Celebration as woman finds Tupperware lid in record time

A Stockport woman was celebrating yesterday as she managed to locate the correct Tupperware lid in less than 15 seconds., “I’m over the moon!” panted Maureen Vine, 54. “I’ve tried all...

Sfox 21.09.13 3:20pm
Damian McBride voted Most Inspirational Troll at the Young Online Bully awards

Damian McBride's new book, Power Troll, looks set to scoop a handful of awards as his behaviour has proved an inspirational example to Britain's next generation of bullies. McBride was hailed as...

ronseal 21.09.13 3:04pm
Grand Theft Auto stabbing suspects "3 stars" claims police spokesman. 0
Ref Minor 21.09.13 2:15pm
Ref Minor
Scottish farmer sells his old paperbacks: admits too many books spoil the croft 0
Smart Alex 21.09.13 2:05pm
Smart Alex
Near miss denied by American official stating 'Noo clear near miss'

or something like that...

Pharcite 21.09.13 1:54pm
Yoga leader resigns as position becomes untenable 0
Pharcite 21.09.13 1:27pm
Twelve year old boy has mid-life crisis

Says he doesn't see the point. Parents apparently complained that he 'isn't even old enough to know how bad life gets.'...

TobiasBV 21.09.13 12:48pm
‘Team GB’ rebranded as ‘Team B’ for next Summer Olympics

In a surprise move, the British Olympic Association has dropped the ‘Great’ due to the impending departure of Scotland from the Union next year. Sebastian Coe, chairman of the BOA said “Well...

rogerg 21.09.13 12:15pm
ITV increases ad-break time to combat cheap commercialism

Bosses say increased ad-breaks were the only option they could think of to maintain some semblance of artistic dignity, on what they were quick to proudly point out is still one of the top four...

TobiasBV 21.09.13 11:50am