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Taliban commander hails success of internet roll-out.

Qari Ahmadullah, 47, a district commander and community outreach worker in Kandahar province, has hailed the success of a pilot scheme to supply local teenagers with laptops and access to the...

John Ffitch-Rucker 12.01.12 10:35am
New ‘Ed Mil-ogram’ set to take birthday party scene by storm

Forget Stripograms and Kissograms, the latest craze for birthday parties is an Ed Mil-ogram. This new offering will see the Labour leader deliver a message of your choice and then spend the evening...

Vertically Challenged Giant 12.01.12 10:34am
Friday Nights In Thorne, South Yorkshire Will Never Be The Same Again.......

.Since the death of shopkeeper, Billy Tomkins (nicknamed Billy The Swill) due to his prowess of removing vomit, in next to no time, from his shop doorway., Mourners are thus advised not to drink too...

Jesse Bigg 12.01.12 10:26am
Jesse Bigg
A23 southbound closed after child’s backpack sheds load over both carriageways

Drivers travelling from London to Gatwick or Brighton are being urged to re-plan their journeys and allow extra time after southbound traffic was brought to a standstill this morning at around 8:00. ...

Newsquelch 12.01.12 10:24am
Popular Russian "Down And Out" Antifreeze Drinks To Be Exported To UK.....

.Initial target will be British tramps, but could go nationwide if the recession worsens...

Jesse Bigg 12.01.12 10:00am
Jesse Bigg
Teacher paid £80k after leaving work says she "was doing a lot of marking" 0
charlies_hat 12.01.12 9:53am
Nicolas Sarkozy confirmed as "world's smallest frog" 0
simonjmr 12.01.12 9:50am
The 100 year collision course with James Corden

In 1910, an British engineer called John Pottersby made a number of predictions about what the world in 2010. How did he do? 10 predictions that Pottersby got right 10 - Squeezy Marmite “The...

Newsquelch 12.01.12 9:49am
Funny names invented to relieve tedium of US campaign, Mitt and Newt confess

Worthy of more later ?...

Clarky 12.01.12 9:33am
Cameron To Sell Off Scotland To McDonalds.......

."The Burghers of Edinburgh are lovely, dear."...

Jesse Bigg 12.01.12 9:32am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Ken Loach to direct Happy Feet “ The Heroin Years”

Ken Loach is to direct the sequel to Happy Feet after David Cameron called on the UK film industry to produce more blockbuster movies and less depressing shit about council estates. Cameron said...

Gary Stanton 12.01.12 9:30am
Dickens or Shakespeare
Alton Towers unveil new 'Coalition Coaster'

Alton Towers have today unveiled the latest thrill ride in their collection. The 'Coalition Roller Coaster' has been launched as the theme park's most ambitious ride yet with many twist and turns,...

Perks 12.01.12 9:15am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Scots to vote on independence from Westminster...

subsidising their free university places, free prescriptions, free elderly care, etc...

Smart Alex 12.01.12 9:06am
pere floza
UK to be renamed "The Untied Kingdom". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 12.01.12 8:42am
Al OPecia
Scots independence latest: Tartan Army applies to join NATO 1
Stan 11.01.12 11:13pm
Cinema-goers excited over 3D version of film about invisible aliens

With sci-fi blockbuster ‘The Darkest Hour’, based on an invasion by hostile aliens who cannot be seen, set to hit the UK’s cinemas this weekend excitement is building amongst film fans, eager...

Vertically Challenged Giant 11.01.12 11:02pm
Runestone Cowboy
British film industry urged to focus more on pornography and wizards

Britain's film industry is facing a radical overhaul, as ministers urged studios to stop making arty, elitist guff that can only be understood by philosophy students and focus more on wizards,...

11.01.12 10:52pm
George Michael and Michael Barrymore lined up for Celebrity Bog Browser 0
ronseal 11.01.12 8:14pm
Gardener Loses Plot. - 2

Or, if you prefer, Solicitor Loses Will...

sredni vashta 11.01.12 7:57pm
BBC wins in legal bid to film torture, Attenborough keen to narrate 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:54pm
irregular apple
Gary Glitter spotted on Greek holiday 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:51pm
irregular apple
Coalition urges Brits to select winning numbers for EuroMillions 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:50pm
irregular apple
Cameron keen to introduce tax breaks for philistines 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:49pm
irregular apple
Tesco security staff wary as hundreds more little chefs fall on hard times

Security staff at Tesco are bracing themselves for a massive shoplifting spree of miniature proportions following reports that hundreds more ‘little chefs’ have fallen on hard times. ‘We are...

Qoxiivi 11.01.12 7:43pm
Psychiatrists say Michael Gove just doesn't add up 0
roybland 11.01.12 7:37pm
Habitable planets in Milky Way

accidentally eaten by hungry trucker. More soon...

John Ffitch-Rucker 11.01.12 6:27pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Scotland to be released on compassionate grounds

Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced that Scotland is to be released from Britain on the grounds of ill-health. Legal advisers for the country, which was sentenced to be part of Great...

ianslat 11.01.12 6:26pm
Heston Services keen to distance itself from Blumenthal

"We serve simple, basic shite, instead of poncy, expensive pseudo-scientific shite," a spokesman said today...

Scroat 11.01.12 6:01pm
Little Chef to be known as Nano Chef

little more follows...

roybland 11.01.12 5:54pm
Scottish freedom fighters fail because of 'funny money'

Today, it has emerged, that a group calling themselves the Scottish Transitional Council have returned back to Glasgow following a failed attempt to fight in England to achieve liberation and...

Perks 11.01.12 5:47pm