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Out of touch Rooney spotted buying a Twix 0
Lunny 3 years

Man United and England star Wayne Rooney has been spotted living up to his lavish lifestyle in Cheshire today as he bought a twix. Not only that but sources can confirm that it was infact a king...

Raped Darfuris protest their Kensington style Housing Benefit social cleansing. 0
the coarse whisperer 3 years
Boris seemingly quite happy with Kosovo style street cleansing though 0
Gerontius 3 years

Don't expect any more soon...

Ministerial 'big cheese' at DEFRA to visit Port Salut 0
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Man 'holding all the cards' turns out to be postman 5
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Firemen Want Extra 10k and 'Comfy Chair'. 2
Dun Dunkin 3 years

and chocolate fingers at tea time and flexitime so it fits in with their other job, reduction of pension age from 50 to 40 and the dismantlement of capitalism...

Man jailed for selling Emin fakes that were better than originals 0
roybland 3 years
Tory dossier set to claim that Brown 'was going ga-ga' 0
TheDuck 3 years

https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=8b5cb3e9a8&view=att&th=12bf27b5448bde6e&attid=0.1&disp=emb&zw A damning new Tory dossier will aim to 'prove' that Gordon Brown was...

Mystery buyer for Nobby Stiles world cup winners medal is Wayne Rooney. 0
Basil_B 3 years

It's about the only way he's ever going to gets hands on one. Apparently he outbid John Terry, Ashley Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Stephen Gerrard and Frank Lampard to get it...

Contraceptive gel actually superglue 6
Mr.3374 3 years

to be applied to the girl's knees...

Waitrose introduces scanner to detect customers with piercings 3
dicky37 3 years

After a spate of incidents across UK stores Waitrose is to introduce a device to scan shoppers for piercings on entering to help keep out ‘undesirable elements’. Waitrose initially responded to...

To Avoid Unexpected Boiler Bills, Keep Your old One, As the New Ones Are Crap 1
IABP 3 years

More Homecare Policies Soon...

Piers Morgan arrested for allegedly planning two shows on the BBC 10
dogwheels 3 years

Director General praises role of security services in an operation that has "saved the licence fee payer hours of pain and torture". Clarkson still at large...

Scientists to record dreams - porn industry "excited" 1
dogwheels 3 years

A team of American scientists claim to have developed a machine that can record dreams as they happen, in a move that has excited the adult movie industry. Leading porn film producers have said the...

Road signs to include Cockney translations in preparation for Migrant Londonders 2
Moggsy 3 years
Deranged Pixie who drowned victims in bubble bath was just Elf & Matey gone mad. 5
wallster 3 years
Eddie Murphy to play all 33 Chilean Miners in comedy biopic 5
finneyp 3 years

more to follow (I'm more creative when I've been down the pub you see)...

Cameron urged to use caution over euro vettoe with french proposals. 0
Basil_B 3 years

'Apparently the reason that they are all snail eating garlic smelling arrogant backward french tossers isn't enough anymore' quipped the confused PM ' I thought getting involved in matters concerning...

Bear Grylls sued by trade descriptions for never grilling any bears. 0
Basil_B 3 years
UK elections to be replaced by television phone poll 0
dogwheels 3 years

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has announced that the traditional UK election system is to be scrapped and replaced by an X Factor-style phone vote. Mr Clegg, who is responsible for constitutional...

Chaos predicted as mathemeticians adopt literati fashion 0
andhrimnir 3 years

The world as we know it is about to change. Following the announcement of the British Library study into the changes in pronunciation "following fashion", the Institute of Mathematics and its...

Government to offset austerity measures by distributing free porn. 0
simonjmr 3 years
Budget blow for Cameron as EU leaders refuse to accept reversed charges 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
New realism sees Man Utd starting to buy medals rather than titles 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Cameron to urge EU to please fuck off. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years

Cabinet all Clegged up...

DIscovery of more Dead Sea Scrolls could have been Classified Ads section! - 23 66
Rowly 3 years

Translation has Just begun of the most recent discovery of Scrolls from Qumran, Near the Dead Sea. First indications that they are part of an advertising supplement to the original Scrolls from...

John "Cougar "mellen camp denies he has been shagging 2
arrghgarry 3 years

young attractive men after his divorce...

'Political Correctness gone mad' deemed politically incorrect 2
Moggsy 3 years

'The truth is that Political Correctness has been diagnosed with mild depression, this type of labelling only serves to marginalise and ridicule those with mental health issues' says a source close...

‘2 weeks in the sun’ clause discovered in Declaration of Human Rights 0
ArseBiscuit 3 years

A major rethink of the coalition’s deficit reduction plan is underway after UN lawyers discovered a forgotten clause in the Declaration of Human Rights, enshrining forever the entitlement of all to...

Courtney Cox asks to reshoot a few scenes from scream 4 0
arrghgarry 3 years

After David Arquettes continuing blabbing about his and her sex life...