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Cardinal Says No to Gay Marriage Proposal

“I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment”, said Cardinal Keith O’Brien yesterday as he announced his controversial rejection of life partner Stephen Codrington’s proposal of marriage...

Ablative Fabsolute 09.03.12 5:04pm
Ablative Fabsolute
Disco Inferno singer's widow has "no idea" what song to play at his cremation 0
grumblechops 09.03.12 4:33pm
Journalist sacked after failing to mention hair colour of female murder victim.

More implicit sexism soon...

John Ffitch-Rucker 09.03.12 4:09pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
'Mansion tax' will see increase in 'Monopoly Money'

Hasbro, the makers of the famous Monopoly game, have joined Labour in coming out in support of the Government's proposal for a 'mansion tax'. They have even called for them to go further and...

Perks 09.03.12 4:05pm
Spectators shocked by orderly debate at Prime Minister’s Questions

Spectators in the public gallery at the House of Commons were shocked this week by what has been described as a ‘civilised, grown-up and orderly debate’ on key political issues, with no heckling...

Vertically Challenged Giant 09.03.12 3:48pm
Glut in supply of photos of Harry dancing with scantily-clad women set to worsen 0
Al McHogan 09.03.12 2:38pm
Al McHogan
World Wildlife Fund to set up refuges for battered fish.

"Apparently a particular problem in Scotland", says spokesman...

Al McHogan 09.03.12 2:33pm
Al McHogan
World's seabirds "falling". More soon.

no wonder they're going extinct...

Al OPecia 09.03.12 2:06pm
Al OPecia
Hamilton improves laptime after pressing the red button

Unfortunately he had just changed his video feed to Sebastian Vettel!...

gwalker2805 09.03.12 1:36pm
Men-only clubs "illegal" says W.I.

International Women's Day - My arse!...

beau-jolly 09.03.12 1:06pm
Judge Lifts Super Injunction on Walkers Crisps Mystery Flavour's identities 0
paddyparkinson 09.03.12 12:49pm
Sweeney remake leads to growth in cardboard box industry. 0
seymour totti 09.03.12 12:46pm
seymour totti
Milibands engulfed in siblings discount scandal

Even at the peak of the MPs' expenses debacle, the Miliband brothers were routinely claiming a siblings discount wherever and whenever they could, the Parliamentary Scandals Committee revealed today....

Boutros 09.03.12 12:39pm
Apple to introduce new product prefix.

Apple Corporation, makers of the iPad and iPod, have announced their intention to launch a new series of products with a new two letter prefix. An Apple spokesperson explained "Successful as 'i' has...

weematt 09.03.12 12:35pm
Adoption:Cameron makes it easier to get rid of unwanted children, Clegg worried. 0
MADJEZ 09.03.12 12:03pm
Product branding association formed - uBetterNot

Leading brand owners have formed an association (uBetterNot) to protect their rights to the use of a symbol (usually lower case alpha ) joined to another (usually capitalised) word. A well known...

weematt 09.03.12 11:31am
Catholic Church excommunicates God: Pope Benedict XVI unrepentant. 0
Shaun McGrath 09.03.12 9:57am
Shaun McGrath
Basil Brush tragically gassed in urbane fox cull 0
cinquecento 09.03.12 9:39am
The French Foreign Legion seeks independence after Sarkozy comments

Sarkozy to deport himeself in retrospect for his Hungarian Grandfather staying in France. More soon...

simonjmr 09.03.12 8:56am
Apple in dispute with China over iChing

more litigation predicted...

nostra da mouse 09.03.12 8:52am
Helen Mirren ready to replace deceased Queen for Diamond Jubilee celebrations

Following advice from top level contingency planning experts, it is understood that the Government has taken steps to ensure that the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations will not be marred by her...

Stan 09.03.12 8:52am
Osborne introduces hefty tax on girdles 'to alleviate pain of squeezed middle' 0
pinxit 09.03.12 6:26am
Apple announce new device for pressing clothes; the iRon.

More to follow...

apepper 09.03.12 12:03am
Owners of 4g iPad3 eagerly await upgrade of Britain 0
cinquecento 08.03.12 11:48pm
Disaster waiting to happen happens. 1
nickb 08.03.12 11:42pm
Best things since sliced bread reach 50 billion

The number of things that are the best since sliced bread, yesterday reached a startling 50 billion when Southport pensioner Dave Dunn (79) declared that, 'these free bus passes are the best thing...

roybland 08.03.12 8:49pm
Hottest gadgets on the market still lightbulb, iron and kettle

Sandwich toasters, irons, kettles and lightbulbs continue to dominate the Top Five Hot Gadgets list, produced by Maturity Times magazine. The list has provoked fury among many of Britain's digital...

ronseal 08.03.12 8:26pm
Apple sue J-Cloth by mistake

Computer and phone giant Apple have accidentally sued the manufacturers of the J Cloth cleaning material. "It was an easy mistake; they look so similar.", explained an Apple spokesman...

apepper 08.03.12 8:00pm
Agnostic accused of indecision responds “oh, I don’t know..." 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 08.03.12 6:58pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Customer feedback survey draw winner ‘Quite Unsatisfied’ with prize

The winner of a prize draw for participants in an on-line customer satisfaction survey has expressed his disappointment at the fountain pen he won, using an on-line survey regarding the win. Mr...

Midfield Diamond 08.03.12 6:45pm
Brian Malloy