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Record champagne vintage expected ... 0
De-scribe 3 years

..Moet soon...

Budget reaction - world “tut” record claimed 0
De-scribe 3 years

The prolonged “tut” of reproof heard across the UK in reaction to the Chancellor’s Comprehensive Spending Review on Wednesday could be a world record for nationally expressed mild disapproval,...

Iain Duncan Smith: "Look further afield for spare change" 0
ruthless1 3 years

Iain Duncan Smith advises those hit by the spending cuts to “Look further afield for spare change. Down the sides of the sofa for instance…” “It is time to put the ‘big society’ into...

Embattled toilet attendant quits over employers ‘lack of ambition’ 4
Gary Stanton 3 years

Darren Rice, a toilet attendant at the Blue Planet Aquarium in Ellesmere Port has announced his intention to leave the organization in the January transfer window, citing a lack of willingness on the...

Good news for prossies everywhere as Wayne Rooney signs a 180,000 a week 0
arrghgarry 3 years

5 year contract ,Wayne added it was never about the money . Scouse alert ...

A lot of face book users come to the conclusion that either 0
arrghgarry 3 years

they or their friends are are assholes...

Dr Kelly's knife in back, bullet in chest and decapitation 4
ramblesnake 3 years

could have been loud cry for help. say Government medical experts...

Stretched French pickets agree delayed retirement 0
malgor 3 years

At an emergency meeting this morning, members of the Union des Picketiers Francais agreed to delay their retirement age by several years, citing ‘much work still to be done’. ‘I should have...

Guess the date of Thatcher's Death and Win a Metro! 5
De-scribe 3 years
Cheerleading to become a sport 0
ramblesnake 3 years

men in raincoats to give encouragement from side-lines...

Wayne Roonie re-signs 5 year contract for Man United 1
bonjonelson 3 years

[well, I assumed it's a joke]...

London cycle hire scheme to be extended to all UK to help jobless 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Moon’s Cheese “Could be Harvested” says NASA 0
De-scribe 3 years

Following the news that there are oases of water-rich soil which could sustain astronauts on the Moon, NASA has announced a further research project to examine the feasibility of exploiting the...

Rooney re-signs as only Exeter City wanted him after his poor world cup. 0
Basil_B 3 years
Angelina Jolie announces plans to adopt entire African country 0
dogwheels 3 years

Actress Angelena Jolie has announced plans to adopt an entire African country in what some are seeing as a clear bid to upstage adoption rival Madonna. Madonna, real name Pauline, is the...

Abuse shouting Utd fans move away from Rooney house to let Everton fans back in 0
Basil_B 3 years
Striking Aerobics Instructors Step Up Protest 1
De-scribe 3 years
Cameron says the Government itself is cutting back and all cabinet meetings 0
arrghgarry 3 years

will be downgraded from chocolate hobnobs to custard creams,However when asked if some cabinet members would be able to bring in their own Chocolate hobnobs and claim them on expenses ,like a...

“Cowboy builders wrecked my home” claims housewife 0
De-scribe 3 years

“From the moment they arrived and tethered their horses to the garden fence, I knew there was something wrong”, said Mrs Rita Arnold, of Chorley., “They kept having to “mosey off into...

Prostitutes say they will take to the streets if Rooney leaves Manchester 2
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Oxford man left homeless as new lexmark printer goes mad and blows up his house. 2
Basil_B 3 years

Speaking to local reporters outside the charred remains of what was once 129 Marlborough Crescent, the still shaken former owner Michael Worthington tried to explain away the bizarre encounter he had...

Google admit street view maps around Isle of Skye "piss poor" 0
Erlang 3 years

Google today pulled offline their street view maps of the Skye area, due to "piss poor quality issues" Google stated that no-one in the area uses them for mission critical navigation and that as...

Nuclear submarine HMS Astute 'grounded on "stealth" rocks' 0
3 years

The Royal Navy's newest and largest attack submarine HMS Astute has got into difficulty off Skye, the Ministry of Defence (MoD) has confirmed. An eye-witness said the rocks - described as the...

Rooney protesters shout abuse at Madamme Louise's massage parlour in Manchester. 0
Basil_B 3 years

'There was more chance of him being in there than at home' remarked one of the protesters...

Furious onboard row about XFactor caused submarine grounding, confirms MoD 0
JayGee 3 years
Morgan Freeman to play Bilbo in 'The Hobbit' 0
bonjonelson 3 years

[more soon]...

Job seekers see the funny side as cuts force councils to withdraw bus services 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Amnesty International admits to running secret prison in Ukraine 1
bonjonelson 3 years

Amnesty International have today revealed that for the last four years they have been helping to run a secret prison in the southern Ukranian region of Crimea. "We, to be honest, were somewhat...

Satirical anti-war Poet to be posthumously honoured 3
De-scribe 3 years

More Sassoon .., ., ., ., ., ., ., (with apologies to bonjonelson)...

World's smallest orchestra unveils the Nano Tuba 2
bonjonelson 3 years

[more bassoon]...