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Man divorced after blaming Blackberry for forgetting to use condom 0
SingingHinny 3 years

'Hopefully, he'll remember to pop in after the birth.' says wife, 'I've put reminder in his fucking calender.'...

Heir to the 17th Baronetcy offers to pay for Trident out of his own pocket 0
roybland 3 years

Heir to the 17th Baronetcy George Osborne MP has offered to pay for the Trident replacement out of his own pocket. Mr Osborne, who is Chancellor of the Exchequer, declared at the last Tory...

Chuckle Brothers investigated by trading standards. 3
wallster 3 years

Ooh look, a bandwagon...

Iraq Inquiry: Prescott Intelligence Questioned 1
thisisall1word 3 years

& I should point out I spelt this originally as;, Iraq Inquirey: Prescott Intelligance Questioned...

Unemployed Bulls defiant, despite sweetbreads not having any balls.. 1
Sharpehunter 3 years

Bulls in Catalonia who were recent victims of unemployment remain defiant, despite another blow to their livelihoods as the EU launches a campaign to encourage the eating of sweetbreads.. Igor...

Man tries to improve MPG by pushing car down the fast lane of the M6. 2
Basil_B 3 years

Mr Stuart Tolley of Solihull has since been arrested and charged with dangerous driving offences., His brief doubts leniancy will be given for Tolley's claim that ' I got it up to 1000 miles per...

Outrage as Con-Dem introduce Tash Tax, Chuckle Bros' at a loss.. 0
Sharpehunter 3 years

Barry Chuckle said "I may as well be dead" to the astonishment of most journalists and reporters who thought he already was! Clegg (notorious for not being able to grow a tash) claimed that there...

Scots Justice Secretary "may go on holiday in US while Senate inquiry visits UK" 1
rickwestwell 3 years
New A Team movie's sequel will be called B Team. 0
Basil_B 3 years

There are already plans for their to be more follows up which will be titled C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z Team. The actors have already been cast for most of those films but by...

Pole sick of being abused and storms out of bar! 2
Sharpehunter 3 years

Franciszek Ksawery Waleskowiskioff commonly known as Dave, walked out in protest claiming that he was sick to death of being abused by curvaceous, scantily clad, near pornograhpic nubile young...

IDS to privatise Benefits System 3
rosewing 3 years

Ian Duncan Smith today announced the privatisation of the benefits system in an effort to close the deficit. Early frontrunners for sponsorship are Heinz with a re introduction of soup kitchens,...

Prescott Intelligence doubtful says Iraq Inquiry 1
jayjay22 3 years

John Prescot`s intelligence is "not very substantial" according to the Iraq inquiry., Previous reports of his brainpower were based on false information and "tittle tattle" they say., In an...

Newsbiscuit to scrap 1,2 & 3 stars, basically they are bloody pointless. 5
Sharpehunter 3 years

Newsbiscuit today caused consternation amongst budding comedians and satirists when they announced that they were going to revamp the star rating system. A study has revealed that stars 1 (one), 2...

Match of The Day to Pay For Trident Deterrent! 0
Converter 3 years
Success predicted for new singer who incidentaly sounds a bit like Amy Winehouse 2
Skylarking 3 years

Industry insiders and media pundits are unanimously predicting massive chart success for a hotly tipped new female singer whose name temporarily eludes us, but she does sound rather like that Amy...

Clegg struggles to understand the concept of helium after losing balloon at Zoo 0
Basil_B 3 years

Nick Clegg was left in a mass of tears yesterday after his penquin shaped helium balloon blew off after he let it slip from his grasp at London Zoo. ' We decided that we needed to pad out the summer...

Coalition government launch lovebook.com to raise literacy rates 0
fun and games 3 years

In a bid to raise British literacy rates the coalition government has launched lovebook.com as a central plank of its education strategy. Children will be encouraged to borrow a book, read it (or at...

Scientists Ponder Destroying Evidence After LHC Discovers Allah Particle 4
thisisall1word 3 years
Life expectancy of Japanese plummets as dead people's ages no longer included 1
gaijintendo 3 years

Meanwhile, the life expectancy in Glasgow drops below 30 for the first time as the 47th Greggs opens in Calton. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-10809128 (I have hear this story before,...

Hitler's return halted by horrific moustache-shaving incident. 2
SingingHinny 3 years

Plans to revive Hitler have been scuppered after vandals desecrated his final resting place. Much like Dracula and other minions of Darkness, Hitler can be resurrected if the remains of his mortal...

Radical 'Benefits' overhaul - Get People Back into Work! 0
Sharpehunter 3 years

David Cameron, the straight talking, shoot from the hip leader of the Con-Dem Coalition has today unveiled an incredible new strategy to overhaul the Social Security system. David advised on-lookers...

Shock as Evening Standard publishes photo of Boris Johnson without a bike. 2
Stan Laurel 3 years
Workers caught stealing from suitcases at airport 6
arrghgarry 3 years

in other news ,beer makes you drunk ,macdonalds 3 times a day makes you fat and politicians lie. Editor gets idea to start a state the bleeding obvious column...

Labour leadership to be decided by egg-and-spoon race 0
roybland 3 years

The Labour party is to choose its new leader by staging an egg-and-spoon race. ‘Members are tired of the old fashioned and lengthy balloting method,’ a Labour spokesman said. ‘We think an...

Paedophile community condemns Wee Jimmy Krankie blow up sex doll 1
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

The Paedo-Pound Shoppers Army (PSA) the political wing of the kiddy-fiddler community, which aims to gain acceptance through legitimate legal activity, has issued a formal apology for the Wee Jimmy...

Calcium pills don’t prevent os teop orosis fractures 0
roybland 3 years
Cameron's nationwide cuts starts with setting Liverpool adrift of the UK 1
brownpaperreporter 3 years

The Prime Minister has approved the latest plan to cut £300m of budget from Social Services but separating Liverpool from the rest of the UK. "With growing unemployment, a population with no desire...

Scientists Prove that Married Men Don’t Live Longer, It Just Feels Like It 2
Quaz 3 years

It has been one of the great arguments of the age. Studies show that married men live on average ten years longer than single men, yet single men and eminent club comedians have consistently...

Osama bin laden in possible UFC contract 0
BlackAndroid 3 years
Tabloids, legal experts explode in outraged confusion over 'Wikipaedo' site 1
Pabst Blue Ribbon 3 years

Tabloid editorials drifted into a sickened, confused outrage, as legal experts convened to deliberate over whether the controversial 'Wikipaedo' site could be said to have transgressed anyone's human...