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Tony Blair Announces Plans To Return To Public Life As The Queen

Former Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Tony Blair, today announced his intention to return to public life but this time as the nation's unelected figurehead. 'I take nothing...

Carter 20.07.12 5:29pm
The Masked Frog
Offenders are too serious, claims Prison Chief

Earlier today the Chief Inspector of Probation, Liz Calderbank, admitted that the government’s initiatives to reduce the number of serious offenders had failed, as evidence emerged that 90% of...

MiddleofJowhere 20.07.12 5:25pm
Supermarkets accused of milk whitewash 0
custard cream 20.07.12 5:22pm
custard cream
Prison rehabilitation programme no laughing matter

It emerged today that the prison service’s focus on containment of serious offenders is fundamentally flawed. The Chief Inspector of Probation, Liz Calderbank, challenged this attitude, saying...

MiddleofJowhere 20.07.12 5:20pm
Albanian gang named as Official Pickpockets to London 2012. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.07.12 4:41pm
Polish optician admits using nameplate as sight test chart 0
custard cream 20.07.12 4:23pm
custard cream
Cows claim they'd be better off on benefits than grazing after milk price cut

Cows have today spoken of how they can no longer afford the basics, after the average price of a litre of milk was cut by 2 pence. “Grass doesn’t grow on trees,” a Friesian spokesman said....

oblongscone 20.07.12 3:23pm
Tesco cancels milk farmers' deal 'as it's cheaper in ASDA.' 0
Boutros 20.07.12 3:15pm
Cable, Clegg, Cameron and Osborne attack own reflections 0
simonjmr 20.07.12 1:33pm
Spice Girls to close Olympics & ensure everyone leaves the stadium in good time 1
dvo4fun 20.07.12 1:26pm
Failing Optician had "unclear Vision Statement" 1
seymour totti 20.07.12 12:40pm
“What Sort Of Diminutive Sleazebag Would Do That To My Tamara?" Says Bernie 0
20.07.12 11:59am
After farmers blocakde dairies, Francis Maude recommends public stockpile milk

In old petrol cans, next to radiators, or on top of any nuclear waste they may have hanging around. Ernie, a spokesman for the dairy industry, is quoted as saying "You should try and get it past...

Ian Searle 20.07.12 11:31am
Ian Searle
Homeopathy consultants employed by ITV to ensure 1 mins content lasts 1 hour 0
simonjmr 20.07.12 11:14am
Pantomine cows blockade milk plants during Farmers for Justice protests 0
simonjmr 20.07.12 11:11am
Olympic hygiene costs soar - athletes foot bill 0
cinquecento 20.07.12 11:09am
99% of population embarrassed to admit they won't be watching Paralympics.

More awkward silences soon...

MADJEZ 20.07.12 11:04am
Neopagan Rain Gods plan to strike over Olympic T&Cs

Neopagan Rain Gods have threatened to strike during the Olympics in a dispute over pay and conditions, potentially causing dry and summery weather for the entire games period. The Rain Contract for...

kimllfixit 20.07.12 11:01am
Atheletes condemned for accepting tax-free gold medals during olympics. 0
bonjonelson 20.07.12 10:06am
UK receives first F-35 stealth fighter jet from US

But how do we know? you may ask...

martin.chew 20.07.12 9:35am
Man found guilty of killing Dracula: 5 other Counts taken into consideration

Is that legal term, or has my head just made it up? Edit: big tip of the hat to dvo. Much better...

Perks 20.07.12 9:12am
Jobless teen waking scheme to be extended to House of Lords 0
cinquecento 20.07.12 8:28am
Philippa Middleton’s Bottom in Olympic row

Another controversy surrounding the Olympics was revealed today, this time involving Philippa Middleton. A report leaked this week shows that London authorities had planned for the sister of the...

Alfred Noakes 20.07.12 7:52am
British School Disco craze sweeps Beverly Hills

High schools across Beverly Hills are ditching traditional prom nights in their tens as the "British Secondary School Leavers' Disco" craze sweeps the neighbourhood, it was reported yesterday. "Who...

NewSuburbanDad 20.07.12 6:24am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Man Become First To Complete Internet: Now Hates Cats

Dan Brooks, a 33 year old office manager from Bolton, has become the first person to complete the Internet by viewing every page and clicking on every link. 'At first it was easy,' Brooks said. 'I...

Carter 20.07.12 5:46am
Entrepeneur launches for sharing nothing 0
Dumbnews 19.07.12 11:24pm
Wiggins auctions 'buggers grips' in anticipation of Le Tour victory 0
custard cream 19.07.12 9:40pm
custard cream
Cows urge boycott of Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

In an open letter to the Moo Statesman, COWPAT (Cows Of Wales Political Action Trust) group have urged supermarket shoppers to stop buying recipe books for delicious beef meals., "These celebrity...

Quercus Bundle 19.07.12 9:27pm
Quercus Bundle
Cockfosters wins "funniest named tube station of the year" for 10th year in row

The coveted prize, polled by the number of passengers who snigger when the name is mentioned, was followed closely by Arnos Grove and Shepherd's Bush. The competition, sponsored by Hiscox, has grown...

quango 19.07.12 9:18pm
Catholic man on the run after ordering Orange mobile 3
Scroat 19.07.12 8:46pm