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An Open Letter to Andy Murray

Dear Andy, With the annual Wimbledon hooha upon us again and your endearing personality once more filling our screens, it may be worth reflecting on the following: - No one is in the slightest bit...

0
custard cream 24.06.12 2:30pm
custard cream
Gary Glitter appointed to roll-out new 'O' Level programme 0
Underconstruction 24.06.12 2:02pm
Underconstruction
Madame Cholet denies 'rubbish in bed' claim 0
Underconstruction 24.06.12 1:46pm
Underconstruction
We're all in this together, apart from those 25 and under

no shelter later...

0
virtuallywill 24.06.12 1:45pm
virtuallywill
'Mud' fan's wasted trip to Isle of Wight 0
Underconstruction 24.06.12 1:44pm
Underconstruction
Bono on the Bill for Gove

In a groundbreaking effort to raise literacy levels, Minister for Education Michael Gove has announced “The Alphabet Tour” for this Autumn. An eclectic mix of artists, including ABC, D-Ream, JLS,...

0
Iggy Pop-Barker 24.06.12 12:39pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Queen Actually Scheduled To Meet Paddy McGuinness.

What was thought to be a historic meeting between the Monarch and the Sinn Fein MP is actually a meeting about the possibility of a Take Me Out Royal Special, it has been revealed. One of the...

0
Hooch 24.06.12 10:59am
Hooch
Greece knocked out - England through to the last 6

As Greece followed the Czech Republic crashing out of Euro2012, England progressed to the last 6 of a major overseas tournament for the first time in over 20 years. "Joining the likes of your...

8
Mr Target 24.06.12 10:38am
Mr Target
Last of the summer swine of a swirl...

hits West Yorkshire...

0
Jesse Bigg 24.06.12 10:24am
Jesse Bigg
France........... 0
Jesse Bigg 24.06.12 10:13am
Jesse Bigg
MoneyBiscuit: Allied Irish Bank shares could be worth a punt 0
Nails UK 24.06.12 9:48am
Nails UK
New Law Sounds Death Knell For HR Departments

Coalition plans are well advanced, that if implemented, will trim excess layers of fat from UK businesses and will spell the end of Human Resources Departments everywhere. A bill is to be rushed...

0
Duff 24.06.12 9:31am
Duff
Major religion 'most definitely waffle' states PM in retort to Archbishop

More soon....

0
24.06.12 8:17am
Vince Cable's rinsed labels mince table

Whilst other politicians appear to be playing a permanent game of one-upmanship, it was good to see Vince Cable doing something positive for Britain. The Business secretary took it upon himself to...

2
The Masked Frog 24.06.12 7:31am
Ian
Homeopathic Contraceptives Found To Contain Tiny Amounts of Babies 4
TiffindeVere 24.06.12 7:18am
Ian
London 2012 Cockney cull condemned as savage and unnecessary

International condemnation is mounting after plans to cull up to 5,000 East London cockneys in advance of the 2012 Olympic Games were leaked to the media. The plans, allegedly authored by Lord Coe...

5
bonjonelson 24.06.12 7:14am
RickH
Wombles "may be" evicted as Olympic security ramps up

Great Uncle Bulgaria and his family could be "cleansed" from their ancestral lands. LOCOG has referred The Womble family to The Borders Agency to determine immigration status: none of the family...

1
Iscariot 24.06.12 12:04am
Iscariot
ITV 2 An Instrument of The Devil

The schedule on the digital channel is pure evil, it has been revealed. The discovery was made by Father Timothy Earl. ‘I was just making up the latest patch of my famous Holy Water, old family...

1
Hooch 23.06.12 11:18pm
FlashArry
Tibetan spiritual leader to wed : Dalai Mail exclusive 3
Drylaw 23.06.12 9:36pm
Scroat
McGuinness' voice must be dubbed by an actor when he meets the Queen 0
bonjonelson 23.06.12 8:55pm
bonjonelson
Queen to present McGuinness with ticking "clock" in parcel

The Queen is to present former IRA commander Martin McGuinness with a symbolic ticking parcel. Precision built by specialist MI5 "clock-makers", the time-piece is described as the "ultimate alarm...

1
apepper 23.06.12 8:29pm
dvo4fun
Tots to learn politics with new BBC series of "Dimblebeebies"

Under fives are to have their  own BBC current affairs programmes, made by the producers of In the Night Garden and Teletubbies.  The Dimblebeebies are a pair of brothers who are far from dim....

3
nickb 23.06.12 7:06pm
Skylarking
Rooney lashes out at Oxlade-Chamberlain for '..calling Roy Hodgson a Polyglot!'

Because "The gaffer shouldn't have to put up with language like that from anyone!" according to the follically augmented toe-brained simian simpleton...

0
Jammydodgers 23.06.12 3:54pm
Jammydodgers
Duke of Edinburgh seen buying Joy Buzzer in preparation for McGuinness handshake 0
Nails UK 23.06.12 3:48pm
Nails UK
Innuendo Watchdog To Be Launched As Part of Cameron's 'Big Society'

An independent governing body that will monitor practitioners of smut-laden innuendo is to be launched later this year as part of a government scheme to "reinstate a basal level of moral decency in...

3
TiffindeVere 23.06.12 3:37pm
Nunnion Splendacular
Noel Deals Blow To Ofcom

Neat-bearded celebrity presenter, Noel Edmonds, was feeling a great deal better today following an Ofcom ruling that found him not guilty of misrepresentation during the hosting of his hit Channel 4...

0
Duff 23.06.12 3:18pm
Duff
Network Rail renames flooded West Coast line, "The train flume". More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 23.06.12 3:12pm
dominic_mcg
NatWest fix computer erro$£$£(2,,,.

More to $£"!¬(")...

0
apepper 23.06.12 2:39pm
apepper
John Terry agrees to shake Queen's hand despite her being 'a bit foreign'.

John Terry agrees to shake Queen's hand despite her being 'a bit foreign'...

0
monty 23.06.12 12:18pm
monty
IOW festival boss refuses refunds. Says terms are bog standard for industry. 0
weematt 23.06.12 10:59am
weematt