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Man flunks interview for Nightclub Doorman as he admits to being good with peopl 0
ronseal 4 years
Tony Blair called in to arbitrate on poodle row 0
Clarky 4 years

Tony Blair has been asked to bring his years of political experience to bear on a vexed question: should poodle owners be allowed to use hairspray on their pooches’ topknots? Flying in to take up...

Simpsons cannot continue without key cuts, says Fox 0
simonjmr 4 years
Ed Milliiband "speaks fluent SEO" 1
Boutros 4 years

To some, the craft of search engine optimisation takes a little practice. But not for Ed Milliband. Getting those all-important keywords into the first paragraph comes naturally to the Labour leader....

Knox rearrested for speeding on airport road 4
vertical 4 years
SKY satellite set to crash land on Portsmouth pub 6
Boutros 4 years
Human Rights Cat confusion could have been caused by typographical error 1
nickb 4 years

The Home Secretary’s claim that an illegal immigrant could have avoided deportation “because of an act he had with his wife” may be the result of simple typographical error. “I’m not...

New iPhone 4 features revolutionary 'S' after the 4 1
roybland 4 years
Welsh Assembly to solve budget problems with “Unlimited cash from England” 4
Mathna 4 years

The Welsh Assembly is to follow Scotland’s example and grant itself unlimited access to money provided by the English Taxpayer. The move, which will see every Welshman , woman and child given a...

Maya defends Feline Rights Act. 0
spoole2112 4 years

More later...

Blow for England fans as Johnny Wilkinson declared fit 1
4 years
Man stuck holding his penis for 5 hours after BT failure 7
Perks 4 years

A man in Cumshot-in-Avon has been found stuck holding his penis watching a computer screen just saying 'buffering', after a major power cut at a BT Exchange. The 22 year old, John Thomas, a master...

Mass evacuation as small flare mistaken for whopping great big planet 9
Screenie 4 years

Jeff Briggs was out walking his dog, Andrew, when he saw it. ‘I was just walking along when suddenly, out of nowhere, there it was; Jupiter, a massive gas giant usually found at least 893 million...

Now EC red tape demands energy labels...on PETS 15
4 years

The latest meddling by Brussels bureaucrats has been slammed by British animal charities. Not content with informing consumers about the efficiency of the Great British fridge-freezer, the treatising...

Rugby's Aussie Kiss Scandal Blown Out of all Proportion 0
medici2471 4 years
Boss of lap dancing company to strip to raise money for his heart transplant. 2
John Ffitch-Rucker 4 years

The boss of lap dancing company Spearmint Rhino has been told by his cardiac surgeon "if you want a bypass, I’m not doing it on the NHS - we haven’t got a microscope powerful enough to see that...

Milk Tray man finally caught after stalking women and leaving tawdry chocolate 3
ronseal 4 years

After decades of terrifying lone women, during which he broke into their homes and left chilling calling cards comprising of cheap chocolate boxes, the Milk Tray Man has finally been apprehended....

Cats Protection calls for Theresa May's deportation 0
roybland 4 years
Illegal immigrant deportation 'postphoned' until "he's used up his minutes" 2
kga6 4 years

Today, Theresa May confirmed that an illegal immigrant would "be having his human rights abused" if he were to be deported before he'd had chance to "use up his minutes". The Asian man, who due to...

Daily Mail stories "arrive faster than the truth". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 4 years

Thanks for the inspiration thisisall1word...

‘Thames Water is green’ claim utility bosses 1
Midfield Diamond 4 years

After an Environment Agency report branded Thames Water the UK’s biggest polluter, the firm has been quick to defend its progress on environmental issues. Claiming that just a few minor incidents...

Opportunity Knox 0
medici2471 4 years

Shocked residents of Perugia took to the streets outside the court house last night to celebrate the appeal court judges' verdict that there had been no murder. Speaking in broken English and out...

UK economic troubles to be eased with 'Every Fallen Leaf Worth a Fiver' day 2
dicky37 4 years

In a dramatic 24-hour initiative designed to help the public quickly generate cash within a beleaguered economy, UK banks will for tomorrow exchange fallen leaves for crisp five-pound notes., The...

Rabbits caught in headlights set to receive 'on the spot' fine 0
kga6 4 years
Italian Prosecution Service to Hire Jeremy Kyle. 11
delightfullyodd 4 years

Following the successful appeal of Amanda Knox and the other guy, Italian Courts have offered ITV1's bear bater Jeremy Kyle a lucrative deal to be the head of their prosecution service. Speaking...

UK Passports to Include New "Yes Please! LOL!" Sex Status for Fucking Dullards 4
thisisall1word 4 years
Panpipe the cat allowed to stay in UK - owns pet Peruvian man 0
Drylaw 4 years
Classic british pastime of queueing to get massive overhaul 19
Screenie 4 years

Within the next few days the government will announce measures to increase the productivity of the UK's workforce with a radical new approach to queueing. Walk in queueing centres, open 24 hours,...

Theresa May promises installation of a moral compass in every high street 0
simonjmr 4 years
Panic Buttons to be installed with Panic buttons 0
simonjmr 4 years

"In case of emergency and you need help with activating the panic button - please press the PANIC panic button". More soon...