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Old Mother Hubbard to be prosecuted by RSPCA. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 15.11.11 7:01pm
Al OPecia
Motivated immigrant put in charge of border control after new deportation threat

Following Government plans to start forcibly deporting immigrants once a target level has been reached, it is believed that a team of immigrants are the perfect subgroup to regulate further...

kga6 15.11.11 6:48pm
James Gilmour, step-son of legendary David Gilmour, released from prison.

Young, rich, soft skinned James, 21, admitted that he spent most of his time in jail with his back against The Wall...

Bryan with a Y 15.11.11 5:55pm
Bryan with a Y
‘Stonehenge is just scaffolding’ claim experts

After many tens of years of investigation, the meaning behind the ancient monument of Stonehenge on Salisbury Plain may finally have been discovered. Mike Smith Professor of Useless Knowledge and his...

Immunis 24.11.11 7:41pm
Redknapp admits that enforced rest was more taxing than he thought it would be.

Full details due Jan/Feb 2012...

Bryan with a Y 15.11.11 5:38pm
Bryan with a Y
'Eastenders' Billy Mitchell confirmed as carrying Olympic Torch

Cash4Gold franchises await details of the exact route...

Bryan with a Y 15.11.11 5:30pm
Bryan with a Y
Somerset man finds dead bird in Tesco salad

"It totally put me off my Chicken Korma it was accompanying I'd made with Loyd Grossman korma sauce" said Steve Pilkington Steve Pilkington from Somerset, said his girlfriend was sick after the...

simonjmr 15.11.11 4:39pm
Steve Backley to head up Olympic Ground-To-Air Task Force 3
Drylaw 15.11.11 9:07pm
'Cruel Is Cool' says 70's comedy veteran

Speaking at the premier of his latest observational sit-com to be aired on BBC2 later this week, comedy veteran Dicky Jarvis told us why he thinks the timing is just right for a new cutting edge...

Gerontius 15.11.11 4:59pm
Protestation as Pole becomes permanent 'Pusey Pleb'

A typically sleepy village in Oxfordshire was awoken this week by the revelation that the local village idiot was in fact from Poland. Wojtek Labrowska took up the position in Pusey, following the...

Perks 15.11.11 6:11pm
Simon Cowell concedes that the prefix "Fi" omitted from X factor titles 0
simonjmr 15.11.11 2:43pm
Ryanair to charge passengers for breathing

Thrifty airline Ryanair have stunned travellers with their latest announcement that use of oxygen on all flights will be charged at £50 per 100 litres. Ryanair will ensure mandatory use of their...

Shandy 16.11.11 4:11pm
Al OPecia
Critics slam Grossman cover of Lennon's 'Instant Korma's Gonna Get You' 0
Skylarking 15.11.11 1:08pm
Suspicion falls on record viewing figure for The Only Way is Dover

overheard: pliz, vich way to a slum...

vertical 15.11.11 1:05pm
US announces staged withdrawal from ‘spillage in aisle 14’

US President Barak Obama has promised that all US troops will exit from Tesco Extra, Chingford by 2019 ‘at the very latest’. The staged withdrawal, is set to begin in earnest September 2013 –...

Skylarking 16.11.11 9:22am
"Freddie Starr ate my Korma" says Lloyd Grossman. 0
pinxit 15.11.11 12:00pm
Experts regret trying to shed light on boy raised by moths - 2

A boy discovered during an expedition to the forests of Bulgaria may have been raised by moths, according to anthropologists. A group of scientists had set out to catalogue unknown species from the...

24.02.13 11:35am
Camel toe makes Freddie Starr vomit. "That's a first" say ex-wives. 0
pinxit 15.11.11 11:55am
Bunga Bunga replaced by the Full Monti 5
simonjmr 15.11.11 9:16pm
Flybe incident prompts Ryanair to charge supplement for full set of wheels 0
medici2471 15.11.11 11:10am
Darth Vader hoping to add Nobel Peace prize to his recently awarded Oscar 0
simonjmr 15.11.11 11:02am
Steven Segal to take over running of London Police

Responibilities for running an increasingly lawless capital are to be given to the smoothest man in Hollywood, it was annouced last night. His buttery smooth voice, A-List slicked hair, and martial...

Shandy 15.11.11 9:32am
Aussie medics baffled by cause of Freddie Starr's illness 1
medici2471 15.11.11 10:19am
Rootin Tootin
Ground-to-air missiles on standby for London Olympics, but Trident misses out...

in ticket ballot...

ianslat 15.11.11 9:13am
Lord Coe: "Ride-On Missile" Britain's best bet for winning Olympic 100 m. Gold 2
dvo4fun 15.11.11 10:06pm
Proposed "right to sack Chief Constables" supported by John Terry 0
dvo4fun 15.11.11 8:56am
Missing star Neil Morrissey “is considerable danger to society”

The 55 year old Men Behaving Badly star, who has been on the run since Saturday, has been linked to the banned underground Real Ale organisation CAMRA. ...

Newsquelch 15.11.11 8:52am
Government to run out of ministers by November 2012

According to the office of national statistics, the government is using up ministers faster than they can be replaced and will run out before the end of 2012. "The rate of resignations is...

apepper 15.11.11 8:20am
Faberge bacon found

It was a find that confused, then delighted Russian historians and students of decorative arts. A wavy strip of white gold, five centimetres long, artfully encrusted with garnets and rubies, with a...

nickb 15.11.11 2:17pm
New Italian leader's penis promises restraint.

In a specially arranged press conference, the penis of newly appointed prime minister Mario Monti vowed not to emulate the excesses of its predecessor. It also refused to comment on any of the...

nickb 15.11.11 6:01am