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Liverpool to reward 500 fans - allowing them to leave Fulham game early tomorrow 0
MC One R 3 years
UK released 69 prisoners by mistake last year, 70 according to the US 4
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
New book for Xmas: "1001 Pigments You Must See Before You Dye" 5
Nick McCarr 3 years

cough cough...

Smethwick Hospital cost cutting replaces A&E doctors with Carry On characters 2
brownpaperreporter 3 years

In a brave but bold cost saving move, Smethwick councillors have saved £4.6m by replacing all their doctors with Carry On characters. Leading the way is the new Director of Surgery, Dr Carver,...

Conservationists confirm copies of Metro more of a threat than Japanese knotweed 0
simonjmr 3 years
Santa set to replace reindeer with Toyota Prius derivative .... 0
Stan Laurel 3 years

Santa set to replace reindeer with Toyota Prius derivative to offset environmental concerns. After several years apparently wrestling with the problem of methane emissions, it has emerged that...

Iron-willed Biscuiteer eschews anti-blast underpant posting 2
MrChigleysAunt 3 years
Donald Ruins Scots Festivities by Finding Trousers 2
wolfie 3 years

After decades of suffering chilled nethers, repeated exposure charges, and tucking his shirt into his pants, Donald finally looked in the wardrobe, and found his trousers had been there all along,...

UK Cow Association revokes opposition to US death penalty 0
JaimieX 3 years

A spokescow for the bovine lobby group, UKCA, has announced its members have voted to petition the US supreme court in hopes of expediting the death warrants of all death-row inmates. In a statement...

Selfridges Beats Rivals and Opens for Christmas 2011 3
Matt T 3 years

Leading London shiny things emporium, Selfridges, has opened its Christmas Department extra early this year by only selling gifts for Christmas 2011. West End shoppers are used to the ever earlier...

Wikileaks plagiarism revealed - "we just copied some stuff from newsbiscuit.com" 0
Trini 3 years
Tories to create jobs, clear snow drifts and improve social housing.. 0
VictorMeldrew 3 years

Igloos for all!...

Nick Clegg Announces New Govt Policy 'All Female Staff To Wear Short Skirts' 4
Dun Dunkin 3 years

'Off the back of the Lib Dem Spygate the Govt have learned some important lessons about the fun you can have with power', said a spokesman.'We've been missing out'...

Dartmoor Mammoth captured 1
Bismarck 3 years

The mystery of the Woolly Mammoth seen roaming on Dartmoor was solved this afternoon when a police marksman succeeded in tranquilising the creature with a dart. On closer inspection the animal proved...

Bookmakers slash odds on weather being main news item this weekend 0
Bismarck 3 years
Panic in parliament as Eric Pickles crushed under own weight 1
mtskull 3 years
Wooly mammoth seen on Dartmoor 0
Bismarck 3 years
government dismisses 'New Ice Age' claim as opposition scaremongering 0
Bismarck 3 years
Scientists unveil potential stem cell therapy for male pattern blandness. 0
VictorMeldrew 3 years
Freezing weather' worst seen' since yesterday 0
Bismarck 3 years

more later...

Outrage as last flight of the Harrier fails to be commemorated by Franklin Mint 0
VictorMeldrew 3 years
Australian denies homophobic accusations in song about national bird 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

Look mate, its just a fucking kookaburra...

Scottish Transport Minister resigns as the sun comes out in Edinburgh. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Fears that North Korean office party high jinx could trigger nuclear strike 1
roybland 3 years

The US is worried that fun and games at Christmas office parties in North Korea could lead to a nuclear strike on South Korea according to confidential cables appearing on WikiLeaks. 'There is a...

Ex Minister Says Machine Guns should be Decriminalised 0
Dun Dunkin 3 years

An ex home office minister said the war on guns is a waste of money and that machine guns should be legalised and made available through coffee shops.'There are plenty of sensible responsible users...

Shopping for landfill: eight more days to go... 2
Doylem 3 years
CPS demand Assange judge adds 12 Labours of Hercules to bail condition. 10
Erlang 3 years

1.Slay the Nemean Lion., 2.Slay the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra., 3.Capture the Golden Hind of Artemis., 4.Capture the Erymanthian Boar., 5.Clean the Augean stables in a single day., 6.Slay the...

Clegg denies desire for Coition Government 0
roybland 3 years
Assanges' new site to deal only with solid evidence: Wikidumps 0
VictorMeldrew 3 years
Men's socks and handkerchiefs must have Christmas gifts retailers say 0
roybland 3 years