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Hart to return to Krak ‘one’ òw!

Blue Joe to follow Buffon’s Porn Regime Following Sunday’s inevitable penalty shoot out loss to the Azzurri, England’s ‘non-stopper’, Joe Hart, has decided to ditch the high tech approach...

0
Njinski 26.06.12 4:16pm
Njinski
McGuiness not amused as Queen uses '800v' hand buzzer during historic handshake 0
thackaray 26.06.12 4:12pm
thackaray
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns

With thousands of people lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers -tour....

1
custard cream 26.06.12 3:51pm
dvo4fun
Blood stocks crisis as transfusion service says “Virgins only”

Blood stocks in the UK are at an all time low as the blood transfusion service made a controversial decision last week to change the sexual history questions on its donor health check. Previously,...

2
Nails UK 26.06.12 3:39pm
Nails UK
LOCOG confirms crackdown on Olympic Brand-Breakers

The London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (LOCOG) says harsh penalties have been agreed with the Government and the IOC, for anyone in the UK caught watching the Olympics while in...

0
Mrblacker 26.06.12 3:36pm
Mrblacker
Bailiffs Reposess False Limbs at Bankrupt South London NHS Hospital

Bailiffs today were sent into the Queen Elizabeth Hospital by creditors as the near bankrupt trust has run up debts of £69 Million. Amid scenes of chaos, prosthetic limbs were being seized by...

2
Scronnyglonkle 26.06.12 3:06pm
Scronnyglonkle
Lloyd Webber: "New Jesus Show Not A Smokescreen For Free Prime Time Advert!"

In a bitter dispute between ITV and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber that looks set to escalate over the coming weeks, the popular peer is vehemently denying that he has duped ITV with his new talent show,...

1
Duff 26.06.12 2:56pm
Scronnyglonkle
Hodgson blames 'lack of tatoos' for Euro exit.

As the inquest into England’s European Championship exit continues, manager Roy Hodgson has identified the squad’s general lack of tattoos and stupid hairstyles as one of the key factors behind...

2
TheNewsWalrus 26.06.12 2:49pm
custard cream
Virgin bosses woo female commuters with 'Shades of Grey' masturbation carriages

Women users of Britain’s busy rail network have welcomed the introduction of Christian Grey-themed masturbation carriages. As sales of the seminal ‘mummy porn’ title soared past 15 million...

12
26.06.12 2:38pm
Scroat
Vestigial virgins not all they are cracked up to be 0
arthurminnit 26.06.12 1:54pm
arthurminnit
Vestal virgin remains tight lipped 2
cinquecento 26.06.12 1:44pm
beau-jolly
Emergency picnic hampers ‘really could save lives’ claim French traffic police

The Ministry of Transport in Paris confirmed yesterday that anyone driving in France must carry an ‘emergency hamper’, designed to ‘minimise risk of hunger in event of mechanical failure at...

8
NewSuburbanDad 26.06.12 1:20pm
writinginbsl
Coe criticised for "Olympic Village People" clamp-down

Olympic brand managers were again accused of "overkill" yesterday, following the dawn  arrest of three  men described by police as "a fireman with a massive pole, a javelin-wielding native...

1
NewSuburbanDad 26.06.12 1:01pm
writinginbsl
Slaughter of first-borns to save country £50 bn in Child Benefit, pledge Tories

In a radical overhaul of the welfare system, David Cameron has set out plans for a measured policy of infanticide that could massively reduce the UK deficit, according to experts. The proposed...

10
Gary Stanton 26.06.12 12:57pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Man hit by lightning couldn't resist 1
Sinnick 26.06.12 12:54pm
writinginbsl
Dour Sco...Oh Bollocks! I've Gone And Done It Again haven't I? 0
Duff 26.06.12 12:47pm
Duff
Reading Fifty shades of grey on trains just the gateway to public rabbit use

Sociologists have today announced that reading Fifty Shades of Grey is the gateway for women to progress to hard forms of pornography and even indulging in public self sexual gratification. Thirty...

3
simonjmr 26.06.12 12:23pm
Duff
Queen refuses meeting with Martine McCutcheon 0
custard cream 26.06.12 10:58am
custard cream
Martin McGuinness to use special hook hand to show solidarity with Abu Hamzer 0
custard cream 26.06.12 10:54am
custard cream
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns

With thousands of people are lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers...

0
custard cream 26.06.12 10:39am
custard cream
Murray aims high – hopefully just over net and before baseline 0
Yikes 26.06.12 10:31am
Yikes
Kate bemused by edict to curtsy to princesses who don’t use tampons

The Duchess of Cambridge has promised to dutifully obey the Queen’s revised Order of Precedence and curtsy to the “blood princesses” even though she reportedly finds the whole thing a bit odd....

3
Yikes 26.06.12 10:15am
Yikes
Flatulent Amateur Golfer worried about follow through 0
seymour totti 26.06.12 8:58am
seymour totti
Prudish Dulux spokeman clarifies "There are only 15 shades of grey" 0
charlies_hat 26.06.12 8:43am
charlies_hat
Murray’s Rating Upgraded From “Dour Scot" To British Number One

Scottish tennis playing misery-guts, Andy Murray, is said to be overjoyed at hearing the news that from today and following his status having been upgraded by his Mum’s nationality rating agency,...

8
Duff 26.06.12 8:43am
simonjmr
Virgin rebirthing scheme exposed

[i]Our Afterlife correspondent reports[/i]: In a dramatic turn of events, just hours after news broke of 72 Richard Bransons greeting a suicide bomber in Paradise, a scheme has been uncovered...

1
26.06.12 8:19am
FlashArry
Retirement home football team still hoping for first clean sheet. 2
weematt 26.06.12 8:10am
dvo4fun
Weaker ants now forced to shop at ALDI say scientists

A report published in the Myrmecological News this week reveals that an increasing number of ants working here in the UK are no longer able to bench-press fifty times their own body weight., The...

4
Nerys Hughes 26.06.12 8:08am
FlashArry
Newsbiscuit Contributors "A Catty Bunch Of Jealous Queens", reveals study - 2

There seems to be some truth in it....

30
TiffindeVere 26.06.12 7:40am
arthurminnit
Paul Simon and EL James to release 50 ways to relieve your lover 2
charlies_hat 26.06.12 7:23am
weematt