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Local man still waiting for that sudden moment when life takes a quick turn 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Racism in Scotland to be protected as "part of cultural heritage". More soon. 16
Al OPecia 4 years
LulzSec hack Police website with fake story of own arrest 7
4 years

LulzSec have successfully faked their own arrest by hacking the Metropolitan Police website. The shadowy group of computer hackers are wanted for a spate of attacks on the web, including the...

Man apologises to commuters for selfishness after failed railway suicide bid. 20
Corrigan 4 years

Yesterday, he caused nearly twenty-five minutes of travel chaos to rush-hour passengers travelling from Manchester Oxford Road station. Today, ex-psychiatric patient John Morton, 45, offered an...

Indian restaurant ban for diner ‘not in the right spirit’ 0
Midfield Diamond 4 years

A man who had been banned from his local Indian restaurant for wandering into the kitchen instead of staying in his seat has been allowed back in. Mr. Alexander Graham was initially asked to get out...

Hungarian wheel-changing Grand Prix interupted by 'too much driving' 1
dvo4fun 4 years

complain top mechanics. More later...

Government looks for another Royal Wedding 0
Dun Dunkin 4 years

"Ideally we'd like 2 a year to keep people's minds off the economy."...

Government warns untested nasal tanning product could result in brown nosing. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Showbiz agent at Amy WInehouse funeral inconsolable at loss of business cards 9
ronseal 4 years

An awful, numbing sense of loss descended on Barry Osbourne at Amy Winehouse's funeral service yesterday, after he discovered he'd left his business cards at home. For the ambitious music business...

Perverted dwarf goes down for a short stretch. 2
be reasonable 4 years
US to Appeal WTO Ruling on 37.8541178 Litre Cowboy Hats 0
mugwump 4 years
Somali Pirates Claim 'Life is Cheap' Policy, Keeps Inflation in Check 0
mugwump 4 years
Regulator accuses nasal tanning spray manufacturer of 'corporate brown-nosing' 0
pinxit 4 years
Charlie Sheen Set To Appear In The Charlie Sheen Show 0
thesplodge 4 years

Word is spreading that Charlie Sheen could be back on British TV screens as he is set to appear on the new installement of Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 5. However, a term in his rather lucrative...

Congress passes emergency "glass ceiling" legislation 3
NewSuburbanDad 4 years

Congress vowed to get the USA back on track yesterday through passing a  vetting procedure designed to fast track the "right people to lead our nation into the future" into senior posts in...

Public urge police 'to keep shooting women' 2
4 years

Readers of national newspapers were outraged this week by a deliberately misleading headline. After taking the time to read an article that they hoped would fuel their anger and give them something...

Kings of Leon to abdicate 2
virtuallywill 4 years

more later...

Sporting world shocked by unprecedented act of sportsmanship. 0
be reasonable 4 years
High Speed Musical 2 ‘may not now go ahead’ 1
Zadok the second 4 years

The government’s plans to deliver high-speed musicals between London and Birmingham have been dealt a severe blow. The results of a public consultation show that only 3% of people living next to...

Man charged with lacerating. Most got 6 out of 10. 0
jut1972 4 years
Tesco first to offer 24/7 prayer 2
jut1972 4 years

The supermarket giant have combined the power of prayer with the power of cillit bang. Catholics can find penitence in the wine and spirits section, with followers of Judaism allocated to fresh...

Eastern European woman 'not a sex-traffic prostitute' says incredulous policeman 0
roybland 4 years

Police who raided the home of a twenty-seven -year old Eastern European woman were astonished to discover she had not been brought to the UK from a poor village in Romania by an international gang of...

Glasgow police warn of more-fake money scam 1
Andrew 4 years

Police in Glasgow are warning consumers about a spate of even faker Royal Bank of Scotland £20 notes. The fake fake money is being used to buy goods from online adverts, mixed into piles of genuine...

After 150 years of weather forecasting Met Office hoping to get it right soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
TV comedy executives expecting record numbers of blowjobs at Edinburgh Festival 1
ronseal 4 years

Television executives with the powers of commissioning new programmes are set for a 'blow job bonanza' this Edinburgh Festival, according to a study. The situation has been created as fewer TV...

Mayor hails Olympics youth employment 'Look after your car mister?' initiative 0
pinxit 4 years
Humans NOT be replaced by automated Huffington Post blog machine 0
ronseal 4 years

The Huffington Post UK has scrapped plans to sack all its human contributors and replace them with an automated op ed machine that, its makers claimed, would be equally straight-jacketed, predictable...

Clegg calls snap Olympics. 'We're ready, so why not?' 0
Griffin 4 years
Everyone within a 50-mile radius of the hacking scandal to resign 1
Qoxiivi 4 years

Fallout from the hacking scandal has claimed yet more jobs following the resignations of everyone within a 50-mile radius of anyone potentially implicated in the practice. David Morgan, a vending...

Two badly burned after Salford plane crash they are charged 50 quid 0
guffaw 4 years

by local scallies to be pulled out...