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Gazza arrested after wetting baby's head 0
Dick Everyman 23.07.13 9:16pm
Dick Everyman
Wills vows:"I want my lad to have everything I never had - and more". 1
Drylaw 23.07.13 9:02pm
Cows "call each other by name". "Moo" seems to be the most popular 2
Not Amused 23.07.13 8:13pm
Local website with shopping cart module ready to take on Amazon 0
Dumbnews 23.07.13 7:06pm
New Prince to be called Symbol. 2
MADJEZ 23.07.13 6:59pm
Isle of Wight proposed as London's one hundred and eighty-seventh airport. 0
Al OPecia 23.07.13 6:50pm
Al OPecia
Pervert Priests Described As "Porn Again Christians" 0
Titus 23.07.13 6:31pm
Earth continues to revolve on its axis without acknowledging the Royal birth

Whats wrong with it?...

AReader 23.07.13 6:29pm
Badgers To Be Paid £500 Each To Move To England

"It's a tough call" said Mr Mochyn Daear, of The Sett, Llwynycaedu "Be vaccinated and stay put, or get paid £500 and move to England. Council tax is higher in England, isn't it, see? And there's...

Titus 23.07.13 6:21pm
New study finds how you look determines how miserable you are 1
Dumbnews 23.07.13 5:59pm
Queen turns down role in Queen movie

Her Majesty the Queen has announced she will not appear in the new biopic about rock band Queen. “One is totally gutted about this, one really fucking is,” the British Monarch told Variety, the...

CulchaVulcha 23.07.13 5:59pm
Lord Sugar irons out business wrinkles

After several days in hiding Lord Sugar has emerged completely wrinkle free following an intensive botox course courtesy of Apprentice 2013 winner Dr Leah Totten. The new look multi-millionaire was...

Dick Everyman 23.07.13 4:45pm
Dick Everyman
Misunderstanding As McDonalds Refuses To Serve Horse

Rider And Her Horse Thrown Out Of McDonalds But Menu Remains Unaltered [Wahey! Another horse news story - remember them?]...

Titus 23.07.13 4:37pm
Carole Middleton: the family are 'disappointed'

After visiting her new Royal grandson Carole Middleton made a statement to the press saying 'despite the hype our first grandson is an ugly little thing and the family is really disappointed. The...

sillybugger 23.07.13 4:31pm
Paedophiles looking forward to photos of Royal baby on internet

Religious leaders The Pope and Archbishop of Canterbury sent their congratulations and best wishes to everybody concerned with the Royal birth and assured the World all their members (many of whom...

farmer giles 23.07.13 3:53pm
farmer giles
Porn clampdown: PM admits “internet not much use now”.

Porn clampdown: PM admits “internet not much use now”...

Ryan 23.07.13 3:43pm
Boy who took his own life, a "waster with no future" says family. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 23.07.13 3:29pm
Royal Couple Grudgingly Thank Hospital For Average Care Received

The Royal couple, His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter,...

thisisall1word 23.07.13 2:56pm
Shepherds and wise men visit royal baby

but are forced to give way to the Middletons...

John Wiltshire 23.07.13 2:55pm
Healthy woman gives birth to heathy child. Obstetrician to be knighted. 2
beau-jolly 23.07.13 1:14pm
Not Amused
Foreigners try to spoil Will and Kate's happiness by dying

It is suspected that several foreigners who have died in natural disasters or in wars have done so to try to deflect attention from the only thing which really matters in life, i.e. the royal baby....

John Wiltshire 23.07.13 1:07pm
John Wiltshire
Pigs and wolf arrested for "blown-down house" insurance scam

At first the plight of the homeless pigs tugged at the nation's heart-strings, and a Daily Mail campaign raised £50,000 for them. “Our readers do love to sob about a cute piglet over their bacon...

sydalg 23.07.13 12:51pm
Nation Eagerly Awaits Jan Moir’s First Column on William and Kate’s Baby

Much of Britain is on tenterhooks today as it looks forward to the publishing of Jan Moir’s first opinion piece since the birth of the new royal baby yesterday. A steady crowd of onlookers and...

TheNewsWalrus 23.07.13 12:44pm
New porn search software makes schoolboy a multi-billionaire

Brian Sharp, a fourteen-year-old from Leicester, has already received more than eight billion pounds' worth of advanced orders for his new software, which codes your web search terms into innocuous...

Arthur 23.07.13 12:41pm
Pope fails to give birth

Tens of thousands of Brazilian pilgrims were left disappointed today, by the pontiff’s inability to produce a Royal Baby. Although Pope Francis promised to bring people to the “open arms of...

Wrenfoe 23.07.13 12:38pm
'Kneel before my crib', demands future tyrant king

Royal baby celebrations across the globe were soured today following the news that the newly-born monarch has already declared himself a 'monstrous tyrant king', demanding all visitors to promptly...

Jesus H 23.07.13 11:50am
Jesus H
Porn to be blocked as Prince William confirms he no longer needs it 0
sydalg 23.07.13 11:50am
Royal circumcision goes drastically wrong....Palace announces "It's a girl!" 0
irreverendJ 23.07.13 11:23am
Doctors sound alarm as vomiting bug sweeps Britain

Doctors across the UK have see a large rise in patients complaining of sudden vomiting, wretching or general nausea. It appears to have a sudden onset, but appears to be particularly prevalent early...

AReader 23.07.13 11:14am
Royal gynaecologist to publish "warts and all" memoir 0
sydalg 23.07.13 10:59am