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Ikea hails success of advertising campaign for new range of negotiating tables 9
The Paper Ostrich 4 years

Home furnishing giant Ikea has announced a rise in profits for the last quarter after a recent ad campaign quadrupled sales of its MILIBÅNND range of negotiating tables. 'We thought we might try to...

News International to launch soft drink Dandy Liar and Murdoch 0
simonjmr 4 years
Unemployment offices besieged by disappointed ex-Murdoch Journalists 0
Tom55 4 years

"Where are our four bed-roomed houses and £60K benefit payments?" asked one disgruntled former hack, "I am almost ready to believe Murdoch has been lying to the public"...

News International and BSKYB in talks to sponsor Deal or No Deal 0
simonjmr 4 years
Australian Gothic 4
red 4 years

New NI chief exec Rebekah White says 'trail has gone cold on my predecessor' 0
pere floza 4 years

Tossing her fiery hair and with her eyes flicking nervously from side to side, the incoming News International editor added "I must repeat that I have no knowledge whatsoever of the whereabouts of...

Man who works down the chip shop turns out to actually be Elvis. 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Plague of Leemings descends on Cornwall town 0
simonjmr 4 years

St Austell was today overrun by a Monsato manufactured plague of Leemings. The convivial host of 5,000 cloned newsreaders swamped the small shopping centre in St. Austell before moving on rapidly to...

Italian Economic Crisis Deepens: Berlusconi seen buying violin. 2
Stan 4 years
02 reveals to Camelot the identity of Euromillions winner 0
Laughingstock 4 years

£161 million is enough to buy a newspaper or start a TV network...

€ millions winner warned not to buy light aircraft and learn to fly 0
simonjmr 4 years

The UK's biggest € millions winner has today been warned not to use their newly acquired wealth to buy their very own light aircraft and take flying lessions. A Camelot psychologist has been...

Female praying mantis diagnosed with male eating disorder 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Bridlington’s chip-stealing seagulls to return to Scotland on Saturday 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Suspended Johann Hari says ‘Forgive them for they know not what they do’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Tabloid journalists welcome news cheque books are not to be scrapped 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Hacking reveals Thatcher wanted Miliband “to pull pants down on BBC” 0
Fred Bayr 4 years

Ed Miliband’s chief adviser was today forced out of the closet which contained his blue ties, blue socks and a David Willets blow up doll. Since taking over as leader in September, Miliband has...

Wind farmer ‘livid’ at botched blow job 3
Dick Everyman 4 years

Lakeland wind farmer Giles Hardacre, has written to the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) after an engineer failed to complete a simple blow job at his 100 acre wind farm. “My main turbine appeared to...

Gok Wan disappears up his own arse in catwalk mishap 9
Dick Everyman 4 years

Legendary fashionista, Gok Wan is recovering in hospital today following a freak accident at the Blue Water shopping centre, in Kent. The host had just announced his line-up of 're-cycled...

Black leggings to blame for male impotency - BMA reports 11
Dick Everyman 4 years

Male impotency levels in the UK have a direct correlation to the upsurge in women wearing black leggings, a study by the British Medical Association has revealed. The study, which was conducted over...

Q:What's your name? A:"Harper Seven" - Strewth is that the time already? 2
Dick Everyman 4 years
Sun urges Times readers to switch to Telegraph in hacking protest. 0
Ostsee 4 years
Ed Miliband fires his Speech writer and political adviser,David said it was fun 0
doggone 4 years

while it lasted...

Ed Miliband tells the Dowler family that the Hacks were wrong while 3
doggone 4 years

negotiations were still going on.He believes that the NOTW had acted in a reckless and provocative manner and they should get round a negotiating table as parents up and down the country had been...

Researcher amazed to discover in archives that an actor was not only 0
doggone 4 years

used for Churchill's radio speeches,one was also used at the Yalta conference as Churchill took his grandchildren to school.When Nick Clegg was told of this, he replied that he was encouraged and it...

MET finds evidence that Nick Clegg’s Sesame Street phone was also hacked 6
Qoxiivi 4 years

Police have uncovered evidence that messages left on Nick Clegg’s private Sesame Street phone were routinely hacked for a short period in 2010. The messages, left by Big Bird and Grover, were...

Carnaval announces new budget cruises that never leave port 2
Dumbnews 4 years
Fury as 50% of tickets for Olympic Beatles gig 'reserved for surviving members' 0
4 years

Ticket allocations for the 2012 London Olympics faced more controversy today. As news that The Beatles will reform for the opening ceremony filtered through, it was disclosed that half of the tickets...

Beckham Confirms Typo in Harper Svens' Name 0
mugwump 4 years

More Swedish meatballs soon...

"Busty Mayoress Pamela Snips Wet Nurses' Ribbon" reports Bognor Argus's new 8
Ironduke 4 years

community reporter. A crowd of bikini-clad nurses cheered as Mayoress Pamela Outhwaite, 46, strode up on a makeshift platform and performed a public opening act with her official, rate-payer funded...

Dog sues over forced sterilisation 1
Christopher Frost 4 years