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SAS in Bizarre Extraction Plan

'Not even Tony Mendez could have dreamed this one up’ said source Nick Stone. In an attempt to pay off some of the UK national debt, David Cameron entered into a secret agreement with former US...

Big Ben 29.03.13 12:24am
Big Ben
Crisis Comparison Site Opens Today

"A new way to check whether your banking crisis is any worse than the next country's" - Simples!...

BewsNiscuit 29.03.13 12:09am
Big Ben
Rolling Stones to release new single "Time is not on my side". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 28.03.13 11:59pm
Al OPecia
The Rolling Stones announce just can't get no Sanatogen 1
irreverendJ 28.03.13 11:58pm
Al OPecia
Liverpool Harvester gets a Michelin Star

Staff at a Liverpool based Harvester restuarant were amazed at the announcement yesterday that they had won a coveted Michelin Star. Head Chef, Simon Gillespie who has trained under some of the...

Dick Everyman 28.03.13 11:54pm
Dick Everyman
Pope accused of podiaphilia. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 28.03.13 10:21pm
Joy as thousands discover Bedroom Tax will bring them below the Benefit Cap 0
Iscariot 28.03.13 10:16pm
Easter shock as Jesus accused of bereavement leave scam

In a development that could dent Jesus’ “Mr Perfect” image, archaeologists today announced that they have found his personal file from his job as a carpenter with the Jerusalem Nailers. Leader...

Yikes 28.03.13 9:49pm
Beer duty reduction blamed for binge drinking outbreak

With over half the community on long-term sickness benefits, regulars of Wetherspoon’s Picture House pub in Ebbw Vale normally have to limit themselves to only six or seven pints during the early...

beau-jolly 28.03.13 9:28pm
Africa promised wind-up radios for April fools day 4
Bourbon 28.03.13 8:56pm
Chain-smoking steamboat captain on two packets a day 0
Smart Alex 28.03.13 8:46pm
Smart Alex
Cyprus mourns death of money

Banks in Cyprus re-opened today so that customers could pay their respects at the scene of their money's tragic death. The money was fatally shot on Monday by firearms officers from the German...

cshevlin 28.03.13 7:31pm
Royal Mail complains new mail delivery system is just a postcode lottery 0
custard cream 28.03.13 7:06pm
custard cream
Spate of Shop Window Manikin Thefts Feared.......

As Spare Bedroom Tax about to kick in...

Jesse Bigg 28.03.13 6:39pm
Jesse Bigg
Employee absolutely point blank refuses to attend assertiveness course 0
Smart Alex 28.03.13 5:48pm
Smart Alex
Charity to release headlice

UK based charity PETI, People For The Ethical Treatment Of invertebrates, have today confirmed they are launcing a campaign to release up to 150,000 head lice from childrens hair across the UK. A...

deadstarter 28.03.13 4:46pm
White Vibrator Fuzzy Fanny (WVFF) Cracked

Health Officials have confirmed that the incidence of White Vibrator Fuzzy Fanny (WVFF) has almost been erradicated amongst young females. The introduction of high tech alternatives eg Rampant Rabbit...

Nosey 28.03.13 4:45pm
Papal foot wash now most popular Red Letter Day treat 0
cinquecento 28.03.13 3:57pm
Doctor Who baffled by new Doctor Who series

The Time Lord today admitted he will be baffled by the new series when it was shown the day after tomorrow in 4,759 BC. 'I've watched the whole series next year, and I'm utterly stumped by...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 3:51pm
No safe sex for man with triangular penis 0
sydalg 28.03.13 3:42pm
M&S to stop randomising pre-packed salad ingredients

Marks and Spencer today announced that they will stop randomising the ingredients of their pre-packed salads. The Head of Pre-Packed Salads, Don Mar, said that this would mean the end of salads such...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 3:34pm
John Wiltshire
SA PM confirms Oscar Pistorius will not lead gun salute at Mandela funeral 0
custard cream 28.03.13 3:12pm
custard cream
Liam Byrne appointed new head of Cyprus bank

Former Treasury Secretary Liam Byrne was today appointed head of banking in Cyprus. In an interview, he said: 'Something needs to be done rapidly and urgently, otherwise it will be too late for me...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 1:55pm
John Wiltshire
Oscar Pistorius allowed to go abroad to compete in 12-bore rifle competition

A South African court today cleared Oscar Pistorius to travel abroad to take part in shooting competitions. In his ruling, Judge C Nile said: 'I thought he did running, but apparently he wants to...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 1:45pm
John Wiltshire
Adele 'embarrassed and ashamed' at lack of wardrobe malfunction

Top female singer Adele said today that she was 'embarrassed and ashamed' that she has not had a wardrobe malfunction at any of her appearances, but has instead relied on her ability to sing. In an...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 1:38pm
John Wiltshire
Stones to play Glas-Stannah-bury... 3
Tripod 28.03.13 12:36pm
Midfield Diamond
Gullibility meter ‘set for Spring launch’, says Apple...

The new device, to be worn on the wrist, will monitor the user’s susceptibility to hi-tech wizardry and their willingness to hand over hard-earned cash for every new gadget that comes on the market...

Tripod 28.03.13 12:30pm
2013th anniversary of Jesus getting banged up for crimes he never done

The 2013th anniversary of Jesus of Nazareth getting banged up for a crime he didn't do is to be marked with massive sales of confectionary that is so appalling that the EC refuses to recognise it as...

ronseal 28.03.13 12:25pm
David Milliband leaves politics to spend LESS time with his family. 2
Ian Searle 28.03.13 11:01am
Sports News: Boxing: Webber to Retyre after China

more soon....

BewsNiscuit 28.03.13 10:56am