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Widdecombe: Clegg's Conservative initiation the final straw

Ann Widdecombe much loved entertainer with the voice of an Anglican choirboy whose testicles are partially descended, has today rubbished claims that David Cameron's omission from her annual...

irregular apple 26.11.11 1:02pm
irregular apple
UK Farters urged to get insurance

Not having a comprehensive policy could prove costly, UK trumpers have been warned by the Governing Union For Farters. It says those involved in an accident, or found responsible for causing one,...

button 26.11.11 12:56pm
Police warn clubbers of the risks of "legal" high-fives.

[more soon]...

bonjonelson 26.11.11 12:53pm
Tooth Fairy to seek help after admitting "compulsive hoarding" tendencies

The Tooth Fairy today broke down in tears as she admitted she was seeking help for 'pathological orthodontic hoarding tendencies' - a condition which has seen the mythological pixie collect and store...

grumblechops 26.05.12 5:48am
Piers Morgan breeds

World panics...

Shandy 26.11.11 12:24pm
X-Factor to adopt 'Egyptian style democracy'

SyCo, the production company behind The X-Factor, have announced changes in the voting system in an attempt to revitalise this year's show. After much criticism, and a drop in ratings, voting will...

Perks 27.11.11 10:34am
Medical breakthrough as umbilical cord replaced with wireless broadband. 0
MADJEZ 26.11.11 11:59am
Johnson admits world cup strategy was to pass to the big bloke in the centre

Martin Johnson has been forced to admit that England's entire rugby world cup strategy was based upon the idea of passing to 'the big foreign bloke in the centre' who seems to scare people. "We were...

Shandy 26.11.11 11:58am
Teletubbies to stand in for Border Officials at Heathrow. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 26.11.11 11:10am
Al OPecia
'British Plumbers out of sync with clients' claims trading standards

Just fixed the bath tap and this cheesy line popped into my head...

Immunis 26.11.11 11:39am
greg various
CERN to tackle Duckworth-Lewis next

Success in finding the Higgs boson (Hb), the elementary thingummybob predicted by many household-name particle physicists, seems close at hand. With this in mind, boffins behind the £5 Billion CERN...

dvo4fun 28.11.11 7:07pm
Benefit cheat 'Disabled' man danced at wedding in Cana of Galilee 0
button 26.11.11 9:41am
Newsbiscuit Journalist Sacked for Reporting Real Story

‘The pressure to write witty entertainment and worthy puns got too much to bear, eventually I cracked and let everybody down’, claimed Anon1mess, The famed Newsbiscuit journalist and writer of...

Immunis 26.11.11 1:46pm
L’oreal customers will have to prove ‘they’re worth it’.

Following on from the enormous success of their advertising slogan - ‘L’oreal: because I’m worth it’ – the cosmetics giant has announced that from 2012, women will be required to prove they...

Flexicon 26.11.11 5:57am
Apple stores to honor black friday by doubling all prices 0
Dumbnews 25.11.11 11:33pm
Moves to ban 'vajazzling' as doctors discover gigantic cyst in woman's vagina

When 38-year-old Tracey Irving went to her beauty salon for a Brazilian wax, she never dreamed it would have catastrophic results. Tracey explains: "After my therapist had finished she sprinkled...

Flexicon 25.11.11 9:16pm
IOW farmer ridicules wind farm: "as if we don't have enough wind already" 0
Nick McCarr 25.11.11 9:01pm
Nick McCarr
Atom feeling 'positive' despite loss of electron 1
Nick McCarr 27.11.11 9:18am
Adele to deliver Royal Institution Christmas Lecture

In a shock move, the Royal Institution has announced its annual Christmas lecture will be delivered by the pop singer Adele. Entitled "Inflammable Precipitation", the 23 year old will expound on her...

Mrblacker 25.11.11 8:36pm
Patients urge govt. to reconsider asking civil servants to stand in for surgeons 13
26.11.11 9:47am
Levi goes back to his Roots after tasty 'Reggae Reggae' sauce drama.

High Court Judge branded him a jerk...

Bryan with a Y 25.11.11 7:44pm
Bryan with a Y
New government scheme creates jobs for 16 17 year olds. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 25.11.11 10:06pm
wrong bloke. Oops. 7
25.11.11 11:38pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Government to appoint minister to have arguments with John Humphries 5
greg various 26.11.11 11:40am
Al OPecia
December expected to be the most average for 200 years

The meteological office has predicted that Britain will be in the grip of the most typical winter weather since records began. "We haven't had a typical December for many years.", explained a...

apepper 26.11.11 12:06am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Egyptian protests blamed on The Bangles 5
Sinnick 26.11.11 8:47am
Nick McCarr
RFU reveals truth of England's rugby campaign "Just the Bullingdon Club on tour"

More waiter...

dvo4fun 25.11.11 3:15pm
Greek National Debt eradicated after bumper Movember takings

While the bail-out discussions were culminating, the Greek Government were clapping their hands in glee. Unbeknownst to the EU, the entire Greek nation had taken part in Movember, where money is...

brownpaperreporter 25.11.11 4:52pm
Andre fears Jordan snatch 2
medici2471 25.11.11 2:51pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Katie Price's next TV show to be shot in H-Double D. 0
Ian Searle 25.11.11 2:26pm
Ian Searle