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Daleks endorse Osborne's economic policy 0
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

Chancellor George Osborne has welcomed the endorsement of his economic policy by the Daleks, the intergalactic robotic killers and respected financial experts. In an independent report, the Daleks...

Red Faced teenage boys organise "Smutwalk" in support of porn buying friend 0
simonjmr 3 years
Council houses tenancy not to be kept within families:William and Kate to object 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Kensington Palace, not Anglesey...

Auditions for ‘Maid in Manhattan 2’ now closed 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Stage blunder leaves 300 stupefied: we won’t book Cheryl Cole again, vow bosses 0
FraserWords 3 years
The Independent launches new paper for Newcastle: 'The Whay-i' 0
Skylarking 3 years

More soon, like...

Inappropriate snaps of Weiner popping out in pants appear on Twitter 0
simonjmr 3 years
Beetles used to create Red Bull now a protected species 0
gaijintendo 3 years

The Red Bull product look likely to change formula this month given that the [i]Limoniscus violaceus[/i] whose blood gives Red Bull its distinctive flavour, has been recognised as a protected species...

Vinyl junkies HMV positive 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Blood on the Tracks...

Ed Balls really does want Britain's economy to recover, honest 0
ronseal 3 years
IMF rejects Ed Balls’ Plan 9 from Outer Space 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Blatter’s committee of wise men to report 'when the fat man sings' 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Troops set to kill hundreds so as to restore order on the streets of Syria 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Bugger 1
rickwestwell 3 years

[edit] Bugger, I've googled it, it's an old joke. The blame is 100% westwell...

May retail sales figures down; retailers blame public for being broke 0
virtuallywill 3 years

A spokesperson for BPSS (British people who sell stuff) of indeterminate gender Holly Goloudly said “Figures were down because of The Royal Wedding©, The Bank Holidays, especially late Easter...

North London Club ecstatic at Sun's headline 'Rooney Signs Up For New Barnet' 0
pinxit 3 years
German E.coli "only following salad orders". More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years
Relief as subject of Rooney’s “head photo” turns out to be his new hair. 0
Dickens or Shakespeare 3 years
New platform announcement at Cambridge Station "Mind the Funding Gap". 0
Al OPecia 3 years
High Court "in contempt", creates injunction paradox, disappears up own arse 0
QorbeQ 3 years

The absurdity of creating legal instruments which deny their own existence was highlighted today after a judge was caught mentioning a so-called super injunction whilst in the process of granting it....

'Photo was protest against banana import quotas' claims New York Congressman 0
Griffin 3 years
Music is killing home taping, warns WithIT, think tank headed by Baroness Jay 0
ronseal 3 years

If the British Government continues to ignore current industry trends, it could surrender its world leader in Home Taping, says WithIT, a new industry think tank headed by Baroness Jay and Dame Suzi...

Ryan Giggs switches main sponsor from Duclolax Lite to Imodium Plus Ultra 0
antharrison 3 years

As Ryan Giggs sought refuge in Spain from his furious brother, his agent confirmed that he has changed his main sponsor from Ducloax Lite, a product which gently aids digestive processes, to Imodium...

'My secret shame' shocking confession of woman who hasn't slept with Ryan Giggs 9
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

26 year old Catherine Davies from Cardiff has exclusively revealed to the Sun newspaper that she is the mystery British woman who has not slept with Ryan Giggs. Following mounting speculation on...

Communism "Didn't Work" States Controversial College Teacher 1
Bigmouth 3 years
Kate and Wills to gut Kensington Palace, attach a conservatory, then sell it on 5
Qoxiivi 3 years

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are to follow in the footsteps of other contemporary first-time homeowners by ‘doing up’ Kensington Palace and then selling it on. “Apparently the last person...

Apple announces iCloud along with iSunny spells and iScattered showers. 0
MrG123 3 years
Hurricane Rick embarks on US tour as part of Republican presidential bid 2
simonjmr 3 years
Ryan Giggs explains decision to become electricity meter man: power turns birds 0
ronseal 3 years

Ryan Giggs has explained his decision to become an electricity meter man once his playing days are over and the lure of a premiership footballer no longer attacts women. 'Power is the ultimate...

500lb gorilla, elephant in same room; cause catastrophic "double awkwardness" 3
pthr 3 years

A 40th birthday party was thrown into disarray last night by a truly mortifying conjunction of animals. "It was pretty grim," our source told us. "It was bad enough with just the gorilla, but when...