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ITV unveil 2014 line-up.

Hot on the heels of their 2013 hits 'Your Face Sounds Familiar', 'Celebrity Splash', 'Big Star Little Star' and 'Even More You've Been Framed', ITV Chief Executive Farhad Omar has revealed what he...

WatcherMark 05.09.13 11:09pm
Paddy Berzinski
Everything Everywhere conga causes massive pile up as it reaches Sheppey Crosing

Kevin Bacon on the run - police advise the public not to approach him or risk being bored to fucking death. (had to omit an 's' from crossing to fit...

raudus 05.09.13 10:58pm
IOW branded 'a small island no-one pays attention to' 8
Squudge 05.09.13 10:56pm
Cameron to be first UK Prime Minister to avoid starting a war since Chamberlain 3
Arthur 05.09.13 10:50pm
Wayne Rooney admits desperate measures to get out of being on Strictly. 0
deskpilot3 05.09.13 10:32pm
Shard architect reflects on his design. And vice versa. 0
Maverick 05.09.13 10:07pm
Orphan tree asks if it's a son of a beech or a son of a birch.

I dunno, but its mother was a great piece of ash...

Maverick 05.09.13 10:06pm
Dyson complains not enough good banks to put his money in

Billionaire Sir James Dyson, who made his fortune out of various sucking up thingamajigs, has berated the poor quality of British Banks. "There just aren't enough good banks for me to put all my...

Andrew Mack 05.09.13 8:57pm
Andrew Mack
63 million people injured in Sheppey pile-up according to Injury Lawyers 4 You

More claims soon...

ianslat 05.09.13 8:02pm
Pharmacist refuses to give medicine to Alzheimer's victim who forgot his address 0
Arthur 05.09.13 7:07pm
Value of punctuation falls to two pound's a pound, says Ofsted report 0
Arthur 05.09.13 6:56pm
David Milliband Ansaphone hack leaked "David, David,...are you there...please?". 0
Al OPecia 05.09.13 6:36pm
Al OPecia
Company admits cost of developing mule condom "not money well spent" 0
sydalg 05.09.13 6:36pm
Pub deliveries union launches "Campaign for Real Strikes". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 05.09.13 6:34pm
Al OPecia
Cameron given vital cloakroom attendant role at G20 0
custard cream 05.09.13 5:08pm
custard cream
David Frost denies interviewing Richard Nixon

“Who the fuck are you” he said, before conking out in the nursing home...

farmer giles 05.09.13 4:51pm
farmer giles
Apostrophe population "must be cull'd"

Following widespread alarm at the “frightening reproduction rate” of what used to be Britain's favourite punctuation mark, the Government has decided to embark on a massive deletion drive, using...

sydalg 05.09.13 4:40pm
Football fans deserve more say football fans

Fans of Manchester United/Manchester City/Chelsea/Arsenal/Liverpool/Tottenham insisted today that, this season, nothing short of winning the Premier League/UEFA Champions League would be good enough...

blacklesbianandproudofit 05.09.13 4:14pm
Not Amused
Philosopher killed in wood as "falling tree" experiment goes tragically wrong 2
sydalg 05.09.13 4:04pm
“Isle of Wight Skyscraper” blamed for alleged milk-souring incident.

A pint of milk was “partially soured” by the sun’s rays reflected from the Isle of Wight’s second tallest building near Ryde, yesterday. The milk was the property of Mrs Janine Smythe. ...

nickb 05.09.13 3:53pm
Gillingham woman praises fiance after surviving 72 hour bender

Trina Cortina, a mobile hairdresser from Gillingham, has told how she 'fought back the emotion' when her soon-to-be husband, Colin, finally returned home after a fifth consecutive all weekend...

Robopop 05.09.13 3:51pm
Dead Afghan troops should offer "perfect replacement" for dead Nato troops

The top British commander in Afghanistan says the country's own military is proving to be an "effective force" despite rising casualties. Lt Gen John Lorimer claims Afghan troops have demonstrated...

grumblechops 05.09.13 1:54pm
Iain D-S: Universal Credit is "poor value" which is why we are giving it to them

more soon....

Not Amused 05.09.13 1:11pm
Not Amused
FA Chairman backs English managers except at the Clubs he supports

The Chairman of the Football Association Greg Dyke has spoken out against foreign ownership, foreign managers and foreign players at some of the Clubs under the FA’s jurisdiction, but not others. ...

Midfield Diamond 05.09.13 1:11pm
Midfield Diamond
The Samsumg Galaxy Gear...Its very nearly a wristful! 0
davetwojackets 05.09.13 1:02pm
U2s Adam Clayton marries model village 10
simonjmr 05.09.13 12:30pm
Ian Collier
Porn Star 'Misty Conditions' Defends Film Shoot On Sheppey Crossing

Low budget adult movie company 'Up The Exhaust' have this morning had to defend their choice to film their latest movie "Drive It In" on the A429 Sheppey Crossing in Kent., It is believed that...

Flugelbinder 05.09.13 12:18pm
Teachers Reveal Lesson Planning Truth

The two biggest Teachers Unions have revealed that they intend to strike for a day sometime in the lead up to Christmas. As it turns out, all that 'lesson planning' that teachers claim to be so busy...

Flugelbinder 05.09.13 12:13pm
Dyke would have gone for England win in 2018

Greg Dyke chairman of the English FA admitted would have liked to set the more ambitious goal of England winning the 2018 World Cup. After discussions with legal experts, however, he was advised...

Ian Collier 05.09.13 12:13pm
Ian Collier
Wife who shot husband during sex claims 'he had it coming' 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 05.09.13 12:00pm