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UK returns to 1970s after getting 0.2% shitter in first three months of 2012 0
Old Hat 25.04.12 9:34am
Old Hat
Ben Elton condemned for turning his back on his mockney roots

Ben Elton has been accused of forgetting where he originally pretended to be from, after moving to Australia and becoming a fawning royalist. "He used to pretend he was a south London geezer from...

5
ronseal 25.04.12 9:16am
Geoff Shreeves informs the Barcelona team they won't be playing in the final 0
Rootin Tootin 25.04.12 8:58am
Rootin Tootin
James Naughtie to be given retrospective award by Psychic Association

hat tip to medici2471...

0
weematt 25.04.12 8:50am
weematt
Barbecue and School Fête ban leads to Hottest Summer on Record 0
acwanaut 25.04.12 8:22am
acwanaut
Culture Secretary denies being Jeremy Hunt

In a surprise move aimed at rebutting claims that the government was secretly colluding with the Rupert Murdoch Empire, the Culture Secretary has denied being Jeremy Hunt. A statement from the...

0
nickb 25.04.12 8:21am
nickb
Men master technique to ‘tune-out’ nagging

With science now saying that the gap between male and female life expectancy could drop to zero by 2030, men everywhere are heralding a new golden age of tuning-out their loathsome, nauseating wives....

7
Old Hat 25.04.12 7:43am
Old Hat
Petrol shortage solved by extending hosepipe ban to fuel pumps 0
charlies_hat 25.04.12 7:07am
charlies_hat
Study confirms football fan hypothesis – the referee is a wa****

99% of referees do indeed ‘polish the whistle’, according to a new study released by the Kinsey Institute into the accuracy of football fan theories of sexuality. Kinsey Institute UK spokeswoman...

0
Yikes 25.04.12 6:40am
Yikes
The Initiols 'CEO' Now Have A whole New Meaning

At one time in our no-so-distant past the term 'CEO', meaning 'Chief Executive Officer', was invented to replace the perfectly good word 'President' as the title for the person heading up a company...

0
25.04.12 4:26am
Commentators cautious of cockups as Cunt hits headlines

Oh bollocks!...

0
grumblechops 24.04.12 11:39pm
grumblechops
al-Qaeda terrorist busted putting leaves on railway track. 0
Maverick 24.04.12 10:41pm
Maverick
Drought Latest: David Walliams to walk down the Thames for charity 1
yussle 24.04.12 10:10pm
Ironduke
Footballers union : "Can Rangers transfer ban include other clubs ?"

A representative of the Millionaires Branch of the Professional Footballers Union has welcomed the recent 12 month transfer ban on Rangers, but claims that this does not go far enough, and should be...

2
FlashArry 24.04.12 9:29pm
FlashArry
Exposed Hunt flaps under pressure 0
Mandy Lifeboat 24.04.12 9:03pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Planned Amazon funeral service is heaven for some, hell for others

Amazon boss Jeff Bezos is quietly confident new plans for an Amazon funeral service will further boost their collosal profits. Speaking at a press conference today Mr Bezos said: "we've been looking...

0
Mandy Lifeboat 24.04.12 8:47pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Chelsea fans in Barcelona "probably just heading to bed now" 0
grumblechops 24.04.12 8:43pm
grumblechops
Comedians stockpile Jeremy Hunt jokes

Comedy writers have started to panic over the possible departure of Jeremy Hunt from the government. "Jeremy Hunt is half my act.", explained one writer who wished he wasn't so anonymous. "Now I've...

1
apepper 24.04.12 8:27pm
arthurminnit
Bumble Bee applies to Europe after being accused of breaking Laws of Physics 0
Ian Searle 24.04.12 8:11pm
Ian Searle
Nicholas Parsons left powerless as Tories cut benefit of doubt 6
button 24.04.12 7:55pm
button
Ed Miliband Calls for James Murdock to Resign

.. he has already ! .. (Miliband)good somebody is listening to me at last...

0
HenryMJUK 24.04.12 7:40pm
HenryMJUK
Quantum physicists explain before Wimbledon, Murray is both British AND Scottish 5
bonjonelson 24.04.12 7:06pm
bonjonelson
'Wife's voice' option to be available on TomTom's new 'Sat Nag' 4
Haywood Manley 24.04.12 5:51pm
writinginbsl
Man wakes to find new Tesco in right ear

Stephen Bath, a 44 year old Office Manager from Watford was astonished to find that a Tesco Metro Store had opened for business in his ear canal. After waking from a deep sleep suddenly by the sound...

1
Rizzo 24.04.12 5:49pm
writinginbsl
Old man reminisces the time when ugly things today were cool 0
Dumbnews 24.04.12 5:35pm
Dumbnews
BAFTA’s; No Sherlock? Shit! 0
Thor 24.04.12 5:34pm
Thor
James Naughtie dreading tomorrow's top news item. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 24.04.12 5:07pm
Al OPecia
French election version of "Question time" to be titled "je ne sais quoi"

more who knows when...

1
Scronnyglonkle 24.04.12 5:03pm
Scroat
Garth Crooks an "outstanding candidate" for England job, says FA chairman

The Football Association today dismissed criticism of its efforts to pick a new manager of the English national team, insisting an appointment would be made by “2020 at the latest”., FA chairman...

0
clicktingstampz 24.04.12 4:49pm
clicktingstampz
New lavatory endurance record set by boy with games console

An 11-year old boy has beaten the previous record for sitting on a toilet after spending an entire weekend in the smallest room. Grabbing his Nintendo DS, Jack Connolly announced that he was...

1
Midfield Diamond 24.04.12 4:01pm
JohnA