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Dyson announce bag-less, no-bin, no filter cleaner

The new Dyson, “The Dyson Black” will soon be unleashed onto to market, the first to utilise Large Hadron technology. No bag, no bin, just a black hole in a tube! Final trials are now underway in...

2
hero2zero 16.02.12 7:09pm
Marko
Man who doesn't want something disappointed because opponent does. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.02.12 6:19pm
dominic_mcg
Man's superior sexual technique fails after forgetting valentines day gift 0
Dumbnews 16.02.12 5:47pm
Dumbnews
Man with flu goes online and diagnoses himself with cancer 1
Dumbnews 16.02.12 5:23pm
Perks
Apple board holds Seance-Ference Call with Steve Jobs to ask WTF Do we do next?

Senior Apple executives are in emergy seance talks with Steve Jobs as they try to hammer out an agreement over what the fuck to do next. Jobs departed this life leaving a lot of questions...

1
ronseal 16.02.12 5:01pm
OldThingy
David Cameron has a "Scottish surname" to get votes against independence

Prime Minister David Cameron has outlined he has a Scottish surname get votes against Scottish independence, he further announced that it mean "bent nose" and that ginger hair, a liking for deep...

0
simonjmr 16.02.12 4:58pm
simonjmr
New review site launches, "myhorrorstory.com" 0
Dumbnews 16.02.12 4:48pm
Dumbnews
Prince Philip seized by bailiffs as Greek debt crisis deepens 0
cinquecento 16.02.12 3:59pm
cinquecento
Paul McCartney is giving up cannabis because of his daughter ..

69 year-old former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, has told Rolling Stone magazine that he is to stop smoking cannabis because of his 8 year-old daughter, Beatrice. In his interview with Rolling Stone,...

0
Gourd Almighty 16.02.12 3:30pm
Gourd Almighty
NHS to move offshore in tax dodge

Following the revelation that 25 civil servants may have paid 18% less tax as a result of having their salaries paid into personal holding companies, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley today revealed...

0
GrahamB 16.02.12 2:41pm
GrahamB
Ticket sales for Houston soar after star’s death.

In an unprecedented move, American Airlines have put on extra flights in the last few days as demand for tickets to Houston, Texas rocketed just hours after news of the R n B superstar’s untimely...

1
Babydaddy 16.02.12 2:36pm
graciesdad
Luvverly Jubilee - Queen's Jubilee agenda to feature live beheadings

Buckingham Palace have today published further details of the forthcoming Jubilee festivities. Monarchy fans queued up outside the palace gates for eight days without healthcare or sanitation to hear...

0
Newsquelch 16.02.12 2:22pm
Newsquelch
Argentine and British government 'stunned' by Falklands decision to join Jamaica

Argentine and British government officials were today said to be 'stunned' at the decision of residents of the Falkland Islands to become part of Jamaica. "In many ways it makes perfect sense" said...

0
graciesdad 16.02.12 2:06pm
graciesdad
Toy Story's Buzz Lightyear in London congestion charge row!

Transport For London today announced a change in its vehicle categorization policy after a review by a Commons Select Committee. The new legislation also includes Space Rangers like Buzz 'Aldrin'...

1
theadministrator 16.02.12 2:03pm
dvo4fun
Nation enthralled as Kate does thing

The Duchess of Cambridge captivated the nation[s]al media[/s] this morning as she travelled to a place and did a thing. Wearing a stunning double crepe wool coat in sumptuous seasonal chestnut...

20
The Paper Ostrich 16.02.12 1:39pm
charlies_hat
Huhne arrives late to court. Blames wife. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.02.12 1:38pm
dominic_mcg
PM talks up Scotland prior to placing on Ebay

PM David Cameron has spoken warmly of Scotland in an attempt to increase the number of bids for the country on Ebay. Cameron hopes to make the forthcoming referendum someone else's problem...

0
apepper 16.02.12 1:33pm
apepper
After success of Ian Paisley and Rangers, Pope switches prayer effort to Dawkins

The Holy Trinity...

0
charlies_hat 16.02.12 1:27pm
charlies_hat
United Nations under pressure to break Bobby Brown’s knees

The United Nations has bowed to international pressure to convene a special committee on Bobby Brown, since the tragic death of his ex-wife, Whitney Houston at the weekend. Talentless wanker, The...

0
Peat1973 16.02.12 12:38pm
Peat1973
Ian Paisley moved out of intensive care, "for his own safety".... 0
theadministrator 16.02.12 12:33pm
theadministrator
UK asks Betty Ford clinic to withdraw clown prince Penn from south atlantic

Clown Prince Penn, the former footman of Pop Queen Madonna, is to continue his controversial self promotional tour of the south atlantic. Britain has called the mobilising of the publicity seeking...

1
ronseal 16.02.12 12:32pm
dvo4fun
Al Jazeera launches controversial new women's midday chat show, Loose Burkas

They're funny, they're sassy and they could have dynamite strapped to their chest - they've sashayed out of the bedouin and into the boardroom. Meet the cast of Loose Burkas, the new lunch time chat...

2
ronseal 16.02.12 11:27am
ronseal
Tank Think-Tank Rethink Tank Thinking

They’re the bullies in the playground of war. The menacing ne’er-do-well on the corner of Aggression Street. The burly, tattooed queue-jumper in the post office of human conflict. We know them...

3
Hugh Jarse 16.02.12 11:17am
Hugh Jarse
Time wasting slogan chanting meeting makers could lead UK recovery says time w..

Independent research carried out by DMM (Dovetailed Marketing Messages) suggests that Britain could be sleepwalking into a triple dip recession if it cuts back on investment on meetings. The...

0
ronseal 16.02.12 11:04am
ronseal
Cameron jets to Athens to seek vital Greek vote in Eurovision Song Contest

David Cameron could pull of a coup for Britain right from under the German's noses. Capitalising on anti Euro dissent, the PM is jetting to Athens for high level talks - which could secure the key...

1
ronseal 16.02.12 10:33am
Golgo13
Wayne Rooney's racehorse to be called "Switcharooney" ..

After weeks of speculation, a press conference at the Cheshire stables where Switcharooney will be trained was told, "Yeah, we're like well chuffed innit. Me an' Colleen were like sat up until the...

0
Gourd Almighty 16.02.12 10:06am
Gourd Almighty
Royal Masturbation Fantasies Up 80% on 2010

A recent poll has shown that of the 2000 men surveyed year on year, there is an uptick of 80% regarding fantasies involving a member of the Royal Family. The poll shows a level of interest not seen...

6
SimonJJames 16.02.12 9:19am
SimonJJames
Argentina tensions escalate as UK deploys Duchess of Cornwall to Falklands 0
cinquecento 16.02.12 8:43am
cinquecento
RAF in moustache shaving protest as derring-do budget slashed 0
cinquecento 16.02.12 8:35am
cinquecento
XXX Olympiad to feature state-of-the-art water sports facilities 0
Golgo13 16.02.12 8:21am
Golgo13