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Osbourne told: "Plan to make everyone hate Tories has worked. you can stop now"...

spa99ers 18.03.12 7:05pm
Osborne asks mates for joke ideas for his Budget speech

"Making the budget speech can be a real downer for the whole nation" said George Osborne. The Chancellor returned from his trip to the US to deliver his annual budget speech but has been asking...

paddyparkinson 18.03.12 6:30pm
"Go Compare" opera singer revealed to be Rafael Benitez 0
paddyparkinson 18.03.12 6:18pm
Pessimistic teacher sacked because his class was always half full. 0
Ian Searle 18.03.12 5:26pm
Ian Searle
Restaurants introduce Hors d'oeuvres tracking.

This will let you know when they will be delivered. If you are not at your table when they arrive they can be left in a safe place, on a neighbouring table, or will be returned to the kitchen and...

Ian Searle 18.03.12 5:15pm
Ian Searle
"Twenty's plenty" says Schumacher after F1 failure.

More next wek ...

JustSomeBloke 18.03.12 5:14pm
Homeless may be used as street lighting

Homeless people may be used as street lighting under new government plans to be announced by George Osborne in Wednesday's Budget. The proposal follows the recent use of homeless people as roving...

roybland 18.03.12 4:17pm
Hundreds of injury lawyers injured at work

in stampede to join Bolton Wanderers supporters club...

yussle 18.03.12 4:16pm
IOW fire crew under fire, even slower than usual

Isle of Wight residents were more upset than normal when they learned that it took local volunteer fire officers over two hours to attend a fire at the Ryde Castle Hotel, Isle of Wight. Normally most...

weematt 18.03.12 2:04pm
Police work on theory no one broke into Millibands office, but he broke out.

The public are warned he may be dangerous...

Ian Searle 18.03.12 1:31pm
Ian Searle
Return to traditional values as kids to be told if their best "not good enough" 0
quango 18.03.12 12:18pm
Panic grows as it is revealed that Earth's atmosphere is "over 78% nitrogen" 0
Nick McCarr 18.03.12 11:44am
Nick McCarr
Wife divorces barista who took his work home

A Cafe Nero barista who took his work too seriously is facing divorce. 'As soon as Joe arrived home from the coffee shop, he started,' his wife Jane said, 'banging the milk jug on the table,...

roybland 18.03.12 11:11am
Authorities turn to Drogba for advice about onfield strokes 0
Drylaw 18.03.12 11:07am
I was Peter Tatchell’s secret lover, claims woman.

‘Peter and I had a full and loving relationship’ says Anna Carter, 48, talking for the first time of their when her 22 year relationship with pocket firebrand Peter Tatchell. ‘It was an open...

Mrs Olly Murs 18.03.12 10:09am
Mrs Olly Murs
CoE to offer headquarters franchise in cost cutting move

Following the resignation of the Archbishop of Canterbury the Church of England is to use the franchising business model to decide where its headquarters is located. The CoE is thought to favour the...

weematt 18.03.12 9:01am
Glimmer Of Hope After Germanys Earless Rabbit's Untimely death

The death of Til The Earless Rabbit stunned a nation, gasps of horror could be heard from the Reichstag to the Danube as the unfortunate photographer wiped the unsightly step kill from his shoe. But...

anhodika 18.03.12 12:10am
Tofu rump steaks launched under brand name 'I Can't Believe It's Not Buttocks!' 2
Haywood Manley 17.03.12 7:46pm
TUC rejoice as public linked to private sector pay "Bring on the bonuses!"

more later...

dvo4fun 17.03.12 6:29pm
MPs in poorer parts of UK to be paid less.

George Osborne will announce plans to pay lower salaries to Members of Parliament in poorer parts of the country in his budget next week. The chancellor will argue that MPs pay should mimic the...

Ian 17.03.12 5:28pm
Cameron Gone 'A Wall' Again - Version 2 - 2

This time to the US., "When will the skiver ever put in a full shift?", mutter muggins ministers...

Jesse Bigg 17.03.12 5:10pm
Unpaid jobseekers to debut for Pompey - or risk losing benefits

Crisis-hit football club Portsmouth FC today announced that it would be handing Championship debuts to four new players this Saturday, recruited to complete unpaid work experience under the...

grumblechops 17.03.12 5:09pm
Spanish farmer finds image of Wayne Rooney on sack of potatoes. 1
Lemon difficult 17.03.12 1:25pm
Al OPecia
Saint Patrick arrested in clerical sex abuse probe

Prominent national saint and self appointed first bishop of Ireland, Saint Patrick, is believed to be in police custody this evening after police swooped on a large parade in Dublin city centre this...

jamsieoconnor 17.03.12 12:22pm
Lack or true grit in the workplace causes public sector pay freeze 0
charlies_hat 17.03.12 12:15pm
Public sector workers to have equal pay with the unemployed

The Chancellor of the Exchequer is expected to announce plans to try and equalize the pay in the public and unemployed sectors. "Treasury research has found that public sector workers has a pay...

apepper 17.03.12 12:08pm
North Korea Postpones Plans To Kill You All-Until After Dinner

North Korea has agreed to postpone its plans to kill you, your children, and everyone and everything you’ve ever loved, until it’s replenished its emaciated population with a selection of warm...

UnoEye 17.03.12 11:50am
HS2 swapped for H2O?

Cameroon urged to reconsider HS2 in line with urgent needs for water in the south east, and re consider an urgent need for water., a spokesman said 'those web feet bog trotters would pay us to take...

wilkieone 17.03.12 10:16am
London barman attempts other 3 card suits in pint of Guiness 0
charlies_hat 17.03.12 10:06am
Sobriety Orders, low tech method to be tried first.

A pilot scheme is planned by the government to test the use of Sobriety Orders. This is an approach used in the USA to reduce alchohol inflamed crime. In the USA offenders are required to wear a...

weematt 17.03.12 9:57am