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Pollution at all-time high despite token recycling efforts; middle class baffled 12
pthr 3 years

Middle class couples everywhere were surprised and dismayed to learn that last year was the worst on record for global carbon emissions. For reasons that are not yet clear, household composting...

Fresh evidence leads to calls for a new inquiry into Humpty Dumpty tragedy 7
ronseal 3 years

Senior sources among all the Kings Army and All the Kings Men fear they are being hung out to dry, as a trial by media seeks a scapegoat for the tragic death of Humpty Dumpty. My Dumpty, known only...

Pensioner declares Starbucks coffee "worth every penny" 0
Re Pete 3 years

Agnes Meadows, an 83-year-old resident of Kilburn in North West London, shocked family and friends by insisting that the £3.19 Skinny Grande Vanilla Latte she bought in a local Starbucks was...

“Ugly and unpopular” boy who “won’t be missed” unexpectedly makes full recovery 5
Qoxiivi 3 years
Football hits new low as Peter Crouch says he's still committed to England Team. 0
seymour totti 3 years

More Soon!...

Charity claims iCloud name 'insulting to people with cataracts' 0
3 years
Sony to sponsor the Red Cross, Magic Circle, Times Square and Bermuda Triangle 0
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Part time cycling lane to open on M1 2
Dick Everyman 3 years

A rush hour experiment begins in July with the opening up of a new part time cycling lane on the M1. Cyclists will be able to use the nearside lane, traditionally called ‘the slow lane’ between...

BBC announces 90's based follow-up to 'Life on Mars ' 5
Smaug 3 years

A spokesperson for BBC drama has announced the long-anticipated third series of 'Life on Mars'. Following on from previous runs set in the 70's and 80's, the show will follow CID in Coventry during...

Crop circles discovered in Boris Johnson’s thatch 0
Dick Everyman 3 years

In a guest interview on Desert Island Discs on Sunday, Mayor of London, Boris Johnson revealed that he may have had an alien encounter after crop circles were discovered in his hair last summer. ...

Government to execute extremists 0
virtuallywill 3 years

That'll show them...

Queen opens Welsh assembly 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Daleks endorse Osborne's economic policy 0
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

Chancellor George Osborne has welcomed the endorsement of his economic policy by the Daleks, the intergalactic robotic killers and respected financial experts. In an independent report, the Daleks...

Red Faced teenage boys organise "Smutwalk" in support of porn buying friend 0
simonjmr 3 years
Council houses tenancy not to be kept within families:William and Kate to object 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Kensington Palace, not Anglesey...

Auditions for ‘Maid in Manhattan 2’ now closed 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Stage blunder leaves 300 stupefied: we won’t book Cheryl Cole again, vow bosses 0
FraserWords 3 years
The Independent launches new paper for Newcastle: 'The Whay-i' 0
Skylarking 3 years

More soon, like...

Inappropriate snaps of Weiner popping out in pants appear on Twitter 0
simonjmr 3 years
Beetles used to create Red Bull now a protected species 0
gaijintendo 3 years

The Red Bull product look likely to change formula this month given that the [i]Limoniscus violaceus[/i] whose blood gives Red Bull its distinctive flavour, has been recognised as a protected species...

Vinyl junkies HMV positive 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Blood on the Tracks...

Ed Balls really does want Britain's economy to recover, honest 0
ronseal 3 years
IMF rejects Ed Balls’ Plan 9 from Outer Space 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Blatter’s committee of wise men to report 'when the fat man sings' 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Troops set to kill hundreds so as to restore order on the streets of Syria 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Bugger 1
rickwestwell 3 years

[edit] Bugger, I've googled it, it's an old joke. The blame is 100% westwell...

May retail sales figures down; retailers blame public for being broke 0
virtuallywill 3 years

A spokesperson for BPSS (British people who sell stuff) of indeterminate gender Holly Goloudly said “Figures were down because of The Royal Wedding©, The Bank Holidays, especially late Easter...

North London Club ecstatic at Sun's headline 'Rooney Signs Up For New Barnet' 0
pinxit 3 years
German E.coli "only following salad orders". More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years
Relief as subject of Rooney’s “head photo” turns out to be his new hair. 0
Dickens or Shakespeare 3 years