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Miliband Condemns Cameron for Weather Control.

Efforts to stigmatise smokers have “crumbled to ash” over the last three months said Labour leader Ed Miliband. He explained that under Toby Blaire, smoking changed from being a regular part of...

Ian Collier 09.08.13 8:10am
Speculation Grows Over Anticipation Of Possible Birth Of Royal Panda

More and more and more later...

Titus 09.08.13 8:08am
Travellers call for the public to have more power to evict unwanted Eric Pickles 0
Ian Searle 09.08.13 6:22am
Ian Searle
Man inadvertently burns down house after transferring his log fire to his TV

John Keets of Newport Bay, Pembrokeshire wanted to be able to have a fire all year round but found the stifling summer heat a problem so he came up with the idea of transferring the visual aspect of...

ChairmanMouth 09.08.13 12:46am
Double Antelope Land cancel Bloom's upcoming diplomatic tour of the White Forest 0
ChairmanMouth 08.08.13 11:55pm
German Ambassador complains about Godfrey Bloom " o/ " troll tweet.

There we go 2 stories in one ticker...

Ref Minor 08.08.13 11:30pm
Ref Minor
Crying loser's to be barred from social media

Social networking sites have acted against cyber bullying by promising to ban losers who cannot take a joke from joining. Originally, the sites were planning to increase staff to police their...

Hooch 08.08.13 10:42pm
Goalkeeper let in 10 goals after applying silicon tape to gloves 0
custard cream 08.08.13 9:07pm
custard cream
Community shocked by woman prancing around with all her clothes on 0
Dumbnews 08.08.13 8:49pm
Arthur to triple his earnings as lucrative brand

Arthur 08.08.13 8:41pm
Ageing Nanna thinks she's emigrating to Bingo Bingo Land. 0
Maverick 08.08.13 8:24pm
Cameron threatens Spain over Gibraltar

Cameron threatens to send an aircraft carrier to Gibraltar to show the Spaniards who is boss, but is shocked to learn that he doesn't have any...

Starchy 08.08.13 7:37pm
Let's get fracking

Following announcement that 2011-12 UK population growth was the highest in the EU, David Cameron urges Europe to get fracking like the Brits. Berlusconi says he is already on side...

Starchy 08.08.13 7:14pm
Award-winning farmer said to be outstanding in his field. 4
sredni vashta 08.08.13 6:13pm
sredni vashta
Crossrail developers admit 'we lost the compass'

Crossrail developers admitted last night that they may inadvertently have build the line on an east-west alignment instead of the intended north-south because they had 'lost a compass'. Speaking late...

Woundedpride 08.08.13 5:55pm
UK to float 'over-sized' babies off the coast of Gibraltar

Stymied in their attempt to build an artificial reef, the Foreign Office has been covertly placing British women in Spanish hospitals to give birth to a flotilla of plumptious secret agents. Once...

Wrenfoe 08.08.13 5:40pm
Totally unskilled farmer ‘shit in his field’ 2
farmer giles 08.08.13 5:25pm
Northern delicacy found in South

The 15-ton ball of fat found recently in a sewer in Kingston is the world's largest suet pudding. Speaking on condition of anonymity, Detective Superintendant Chalfont St. Giles described it as...

britwombat 08.08.13 5:02pm
Met Police launches Britain's first automated honey trap for Trolls

The Met Police has defended its use of HTT (honey trap for trolls) the first automated online victim designed to draw the collective stings of the world's cyberpaths. HTT was sent out onto the...

ronseal 08.08.13 4:24pm
'School of Hard Knocks' to become 'University of Life'

Minister David Willetts was pleased to announce a third for-profit institution has been granted the title of university. The School of Hard Knocks has a reputation for low fees, a broad curriculum...

Wrenfoe 08.08.13 4:21pm
Putin threatens to boycott US gay clubs

The Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has upped the anti in the continuing dispute with the USA by threatening to stop his regular attendance of New York gay clubs where he is known as "Vlad the...

apepper 08.08.13 4:05pm
Government accused of using subliminal messaging to 'bury bad news'

The secret world of governmental subliminal messaging has been blown wide open today. In what has been described as the biggest government leak since the last one, records show that the Tories have...

Lens Cap 08.08.13 3:48pm
Local man annoyed nobody has heard of his favorite bands 0
Dumbnews 08.08.13 3:46pm
Scarecrow said to be - oh never mind... 0
John Wiltshire 08.08.13 3:08pm
John Wiltshire
Al-Qaeda Leaves Note 'We Tried To Bomb Your Embassy Today But You Were Out'

"Please telephone to let us know when you will be at home to receive our attack, or alternatively visit our website for details of how to come to our headquarters to be blown up at a time of your own...

Titus 08.08.13 3:07pm
John Wiltshire
Unintelligent cowpat said to be shit in its field 0
farmer giles 08.08.13 2:52pm
farmer giles
Charlotte Green appointed as new voice of God

Former BBC Radio 4 newsreader Charlotte Green will take up the role as the heavenly and divine voice next month where she will issue commandments from on high to her many followers. The decision...

Ludicity 08.08.13 2:26pm
sredni vashta
Putin invites Stephen Fry over to the Kremlin for a nice cup of tea

…and a traditional Russian polonium fairy cake...

farmer giles 08.08.13 1:42pm
farmer giles
NHS publish radical plan of 'zero hospital killings'

The NHS today published a radical plan not to kill people in hospital. The Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said today: 'OK, call me weird, call me wacky, call me off the wall, but this bizarre idea...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 1:37pm
John Wiltshire
Loans for chocolate now available from Willy Wonga

Owner of the world's largest chocolate factory, Willy Wonga, today announced that he will make payday loans available for his Wonga Bars. He said: 'I realise that not everyone can afford 75p for one...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 1:32pm
John Wiltshire