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Andy Warhol predicts that in future W.A. Mozart will be famous for 15 minuets 0
Smart Alex 08.10.13 4:18pm
Smart Alex
Nutter leaves organisation he led because 'it's full of nutters like me'

Tommy Nutter today left the organisation he has been leading for 4 years because 'it's full of nutters exactly like me.' Continuing his statement, Mr Nutter said: 'When I started the Extremely...

John Wiltshire 08.10.13 3:07pm
Sunderland appoint Brighton boss to prepare for life in lower divisions

Sunderland FC today announced the appoinment of Gus Poyet as their head coach. (No, me neither.) Poyet, from Uruguay (exactly), was recently sacked by Brighton & Hove Albion for being useless,...

John Wiltshire 08.10.13 3:05pm
Large hadron sues Higgs for whiplash 0
Boutros 08.10.13 2:28pm
BBC catch-up channel will allow execs to catch up with what viewers want to see 0
John Wiltshire 08.10.13 2:11pm
John Wiltshire
Man who forgets to recycle detained as 'British FBI' makes first arrest

A 35-year-old man from the Rusholme area of Manchester is facing a second day under police caution today, after a dawn raid at his two-bedroom terraced house by the National Crime Agency, dubbed the...

Jesus H 08.10.13 1:34pm
Jesus H
Peter Higgs 'determined to find a Higgs boson of sense in government policy'

Professor Peter Higgs, winner of this year's Nobel prize for physics, says his ultimate quest is to find an iota of sense in government policy. At his acceptance speech, Professor Higgs said:...

John Wiltshire 08.10.13 1:23pm
John Wiltshire
Rare photo released of Miley Cyrus not sticking her tongue out

Being examined for authenticity. More soon...

johnnydobbo 08.10.13 1:16pm
All-Wooden New Prison Built, Especially For Metal Thieves....

Guards quite chippy about it...

Jesse Bigg 08.10.13 11:59am
Sunderland appoint new Poyet-In-Residence

[center]We've got a new Poyet-In-Residence., A more balanced approach is in sight., Gus will strengthen the left wing,, Paolo only attacked down the right. We’ve got a new Poyet-In-Residence,...

Midfield Diamond 08.10.13 11:49am
Taliban Say 'We're Learning: Next Time We'll Shoot A Less Articulate Schoolgirl 7
Titus 08.10.13 11:36am
pere floza
Scouts ‘promise’ to do Beelzebub’s biding

In an attempt to placate all faiths, the Scouting Movement of the UK will now extend their vow to include ‘upholding values’, ‘sucking the devil’s teat’ and ‘listening to black metal’....

Wrenfoe 08.10.13 11:00am
Lid Dem supporters technically re-termed 'disciples'

A recent ‘Yahoo’ poll on British politics has found that just a staggering 12 people intend to vote Lib Dem in the next election, meaning that in technical terms, Lid Dem followers shall now be...

TobiasBV 08.10.13 10:55am
Soap addicts in our jails

A few years ago I was just a simple homeless tramp. But now I could pass for an Imperial Leather model. Here is my story. I was a victim of Blair’s Britain and was forced to tie up pensioners to...

Rootin Tootin 08.10.13 10:23am
Shock appearance of doctor on hospital ward explained

There was panic at the Royal Manchester Hospital this weekend when one of the registrars, Dr Ramadan Chatterjee, was spotted on the paediatric ward in the middle of Saturday afternoon. Mothers...

blacklesbianandproudofit 08.10.13 10:05am
EDL accepts Tommy Robinson’s resignation brick-through-window-with-note-on-it 0
Qoxiivi 08.10.13 9:51am
Sunderland become first Club to have three times as many managers as points 0
Midfield Diamond 08.10.13 9:17am
Midfield Diamond
Sunderland name next manager to be fired

Sunderland AFC has today announced the appointment of Gustavo Poyet as head coach. The 45 year-old has agreed a two year contract at the Stadium of Light and will take charge of the Black Cats with...

custard cream 08.10.13 9:03am
custard cream
Match at Buckingham Palace: Unelected Parasites 1, Common Herd 0... 0
Tripod 08.10.13 8:53am
Miley Cyrus/SpongeBob Squarepants feud escalates

The war of words between pop singer Miley Cyrus and paraphyletic phylum-descended entertainer SpongeBob Squarepants has intensified in the last 24 hours. The squeakily-voiced, improbably-shaped...

Skylarking 08.10.13 8:18am
Cabinet reshuffle latest: Three of clubs lost. Snap election cancelled. 0
nickb 08.10.13 7:39am
Government reshuffle: Cameron sacks useless ministers, including himself

In the government Cabinet reshuffle today, David Cameron sacked himself for being useless. Afterwards, he said: 'Our stated policy is to go on blaming Labour for the mess that we are in for many...

John Wiltshire 08.10.13 7:31am
John Wiltshire
New Press Regulation: Lawbreaking To Be Made Illegal

Lawson: "Er I didn't like to ask why the police had not enforced existing laws against 'phone hacking"...

Titus 08.10.13 7:28am
Computer Dating Website Leads Man Having Affair With A Computer 0
Titus 08.10.13 7:22am
Hogmanay in Edinburgh

The line-up for Edinburgh's iconic Hogmanay party has been announced - Annie Lennox, Sinead O'Connor and Miley Cyrus...

forviemedia 08.10.13 5:40am
New dating algorithm finds biggest turn-off is algorithms 0
Dumbnews 08.10.13 3:10am
Stock market closes at lowest level in a week 0
Dumbnews 08.10.13 3:06am
Upset as 'Amazon recommends' becomes honest

Upset has erupted this week after's famous 'Amazon recommends' function has been adjusted by it's site's owners to be more frank with their consumers. Despite 'honesty is the best policy'...

TobiasBV 07.10.13 11:56pm
Daily Mail Reveals That Labour Party Leader Is Ed Miliband

"This is outrageous" claimed a Labour party spokesman. "How dare they intrude into our private grief in this way."...

Titus 07.10.13 11:06pm
Cheryl to replace injured Ashley

Geordie songbird, Cheryl Cole, has been sensationally called up to the England squad by manager Roy Hodgson to replace injured Ex, Ashley, for the vital World Cup Qualifiers. The Chelsea star...

cinnahmon 07.10.13 10:38pm