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Jamie Oliver calls for a King Edward Potato to be put in every school 1
Ian Searle 21.05.12 9:00am
God denies putting together heavenly house band

"It's just pure coincindence that Donna Summer, Robin Gibb and the drummer from Crowded House all died within a few days of each other" said a spokesman for the Lord Almighty in Rome today.....

simonjmr 21.05.12 8:59am
Chelsea victory parade now twinned with Olympic Torch Relay 0
seymour totti 21.05.12 8:16am
seymour totti
Bullseye based opera "La Bowen" to be premiered at Glyndbourne this summer 0
Scronnyglonkle 21.05.12 6:51am
Shock as Robin Gibb turns out to be Al-Megrahi 0
charlies_hat 20.05.12 11:05pm
Johnson makes 'Boris haircut' compulsory for all London law-enforcement staff, Sue Akers, head of the Met's inquiries into phone hacking...

Clare Ellen 20.05.12 10:20pm
Clare Ellen
“We want our own global summit too!” says UB40

On the final day of the G8 meeting, Britain's number one reggae band has called for established alphanumeric combinations everywhere to be granted their own international summits. G8 discussions of...

Clare Ellen 20.05.12 9:10pm
John Terry has decided not to call David Cameron as a character witness

Apparently he has said some bad things...

Ian Searle 20.05.12 7:17pm
Ian Searle
"Moving From Scotland" Increased Al Megrahi Longevity Claim Doctors 2
thisisall1word 20.05.12 6:59pm
A Wagonload Of Monkeys
John Terry To Become Professional Trophy Lifter

Nearing the end of his playing career John Terry took the first steps towards the new stage in his life; lifting trophies won by other people. The Chelsea defender has faced criticism that his aging...

Hooch 20.05.12 6:44pm
A Wagonload Of Monkeys
Unemployed encouraged "to not work at home" during Olympics

People out of work are being encouraged not to be unemployed on public transport during the Olympics. "Just as we're encouraging people in work to consider alternatives to travel, we're asking the...

nickb 20.05.12 6:34pm
England to follow Chelsea's winning formula and field team of foreigners. 1
MADJEZ 20.05.12 6:26pm
Olympics in doubt as Customs impounds flame for unpaid duty. 0
Lemon difficult 20.05.12 6:08pm
Lemon difficult
Fire at Olympic flame store causes chaos - "We might have wrong flame"

A fire at the storage facility has caused confusion as it seems likely that the Olympic flame has become mixed up with common "normal" flames...

apepper 20.05.12 5:00pm
Fracas at Camp David as Merkel chins Cameron following penalty shoot-out loss

Barack Obama was left with a black eye after being caught up in a late night altercation between Angela Merkel and David Cameron following Chelsea's dramtic win on penalties in the Champions League...

Mandy Lifeboat 20.05.12 4:20pm
Abdel Bassett latest: Daily Star phones Rowntrees and asks for quote from Bertie

Following the death of Abbdel Basset-Magrahi, Daily Star reporters have been seen rummaging through the bins at Rowntrees, the Liquorice Allsort maker, looking for dirt on Bertie...

ronseal 20.05.12 4:16pm
Olympic relay torches on ebay show people are getting behind the games says Coe.

Lord Coe has expressed his delight that Olympic relay torches are for sale on eBay saying this, shows that people are getting behind the Olympics and expressing the true Olympic spirit. "Everyone...

Ian 20.05.12 3:40pm
Al-Megrahi probably faking death, says Daily Mail 0
Oxbridge 20.05.12 3:26pm
Megraha-ha, Megrahi-hi, ashes to be placed in a little brown jug.

More soon.. after I've had a little lie down...

MADJEZ 20.05.12 3:26pm
China punks blind dissident Chen Guangcheng by landing back in China and saying

"Welcome to the United States"...

thackaray 20.05.12 1:40pm
Judge States, Rebekah Brooks Sentance Can Include Crushing By Kansas Farm House 0
thisisall1word 20.05.12 1:30pm
Fucking Staines to Change Name to Staines

With apologies to Perks;

thisisall1word 20.05.12 1:26pm
Greek referendum on exit from Eurovision imminent

The EU has called for a Greek referendum on withdrawal from the Eurovision song contest in a last ditch attempt to secure the future trashiness of the annual jamboree. An emergency teleconference of...

Clare Ellen 20.05.12 1:11pm
Clare Ellen
Met Police budget shock

The metropolitan Police were quick to deny rumours that cuts to budgets now mean that officers will be carrying the new ecologically friendly wind-up Taser. The device is similar to the original...

Bismarck 20.05.12 12:54pm
Clare Ellen
Staines officially renamed 'A Stain-upon-the-Thames' 2
Perks 20.05.12 12:52pm
Clare Ellen
Obama entertains Camp David 2
simonjmr 20.05.12 11:31am

UK Olympic venue just a 'flat pack'.."Hence, the leaky swimming pool," says a former swimming contender, just out of A @ E...

Jesse Bigg 20.05.12 10:46am
Jesse Bigg
David Beckham ‘bigger than Facebook’ in soaraway stock market debut

Facebook’s recent much-trumpeted initial public offering was overshadowed today as shares in David Beckham, Inc. gained 23% on their first day of trading, valuing Beckham at over $200 billion. But...

Des Custard 20.05.12 10:38am
Witch hunt denial by CPS: Brooks calls for crone tracking investigation. 0
weematt 20.05.12 9:49am
Pubs in Yorkshire to no longer sell single bottles of lagar.....

along with up to 10 straws, 'as it doesn't constitute a round,' say tight-fisted pub landlords...

Jesse Bigg 20.05.12 9:44am
Jesse Bigg