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Ed Milliband to have Balls removed in dramatic reshuffle of opposition's jewels 0
irreverendJ 15.05.13 7:14am
Millions of distraught men ring Samaritans at loss of Angelina Jolie's breasts. 6
MADJEZ 14.05.13 10:50pm
Publishers ship latest Dan Brown novel straight to car boot sales

In a move set to rock the publishing world to its foundations, Random House has revealed that the new Dan Brown novel Inferno is to be sold exclusively through car boot sales. ‘This is the obvious...

Skylarking 14.05.13 8:40pm
Spaceman lands with a bump.

NASA astronuaut, Commander Chris Hadfield, has returned from his 6 month mission to the International Space Station only to make his most shocking discovery back home on planet earth. The Canadian...

Bertrand Twisted 14.05.13 8:14pm
Bertrand Twisted
Angelina Jolie to be given enormous computer-generated false breasts 0
Idiot 14.05.13 7:20pm
TV Career Beckons for Alex Ferguson

In the wake of his much-publicised retirement from football, Sir Alex Ferguson has announced plans for a new venture as a chat-show host on Channel 5. The programme, to be called “It’s Fergie...

Iggy Pop-Barker 14.05.13 7:04pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Why Huhne Favours "Les Jolies Laides"

a psychiatrist writes...

Mike Turbine-Hamilton 14.05.13 6:01pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Distraught Jolie thought she was getting fancy coffee. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 14.05.13 5:42pm
Isle of Man refuse gay tenants prior to annual event of 100 men lapping Douglas 2
Backup Brian 14.05.13 4:03pm
Angelina Jolie's ovarian cancer risk suggests 50% increase in Womb Raider jokes 0
topfotogmw 14.05.13 3:28pm
Relate workers launch training course for men on how to hang the washing out

A group of four women from the relationship charity Relate have joined forces to market a training course specifically aimed at those men who are utterly useless at putting the laundry out to dry. ...

Midfield Diamond 14.05.13 3:01pm
Midfield Diamond
IEDs discovered at Muirfield : tabloid at loss for headline 6
FlashArry 14.05.13 2:50pm
Midfield Diamond
BBC defends incoherent radio presenter as Robbie Savage continues on 606 3
Backup Brian 14.05.13 2:47pm
Midfield Diamond
Doctor Who left Tardis inside Tardis; some loss of Universe expected

An investigation has started about how the Time Lord, Doctor Who came to leave the Tardis inside itself after a particularly complicated time travelling episode. It's expected that effects of the...

apepper 14.05.13 2:38pm
Georgie Porgie arrested by Operation Yewtree officers

Georgie Porgie was arrested by officers from Operation Yewtree in a dawn raid this morning. Following the raid, Chief Inspector Phillips said: 'We have it on very good authority that Georgie Porgie...

John Wiltshire 14.05.13 1:45pm
John Wiltshire
Farage Too Helpless Wih Laughter To Comment On Tory Parliamentary EU Shambles 0
Titus 14.05.13 1:32pm
Adult entertainment industry in mourning for last man to pay for pornography.

The adult entertainment industry is tonight in mourning for Eric Swell, believed to be the last man on Earth to pay for pornography. Mr Swell, 76, died alone on Friday evening shortly after making...

sredni vashta 14.05.13 1:08pm
Rolls Royce sponsored Super car to be driven by Parker

"You rang m'lady"...

victimms 14.05.13 1:03pm
Surprising sales of Den Brown's book about his time in Ferno.

More trypos spoon...

MADJEZ 14.05.13 12:47pm
Fans relieved Jolie didn't have her personality removed 0
Yikes 14.05.13 12:16pm
Chef who combined nitrous oxide with oxo cube makes himself a laughing stock 6
Idiot 14.05.13 11:42am
Anger that ‘soldier's heart' eaten by Syrian rebel may have contained horse meat

More later...

Wrenfoe 14.05.13 10:23am
Newsbiscuit sub editors "could be being held in Harold" say police sources

Newsbiscuit "like the Marie Celeste" as updates dwindle The eerie calm that has means almost no movement on the Newsbiscuit front page could have a sinister explanation: A mass kidnapping of...

nickb 14.05.13 9:57am
Gove condemns Cbeebies for lack of breadth

Speaking today to BBC executives the Secretary of State voiced his frustration about the lack of historical depth in the “Mr Men” syllabus. Furthermore he expressed concerns about the general...

Wrenfoe 14.05.13 9:36am
Home Office figures show "encouraging" decline in number of unreported crimes. 5
sredni vashta 14.05.13 9:14am
Lout who threw Swedish vodka bottle described as an Absolut tosser. 3
weematt 14.05.13 8:56am
"Gardeners are not dull" says Alan Titchmarzzzzzzzz...

Is he stating the bloomin' obvious?...

irreverendJ 14.05.13 8:48am
"When I’m Cleaning Windows" was first song to be sang in space, claim Russians.

Pictures of a lone banjo-ukulele, weightlessly spinning in grainy black and white aboard a tiny space capsule prove that George Formby was the first man to perform a popular song in space, aboard...

nickb 14.05.13 8:07am
Family of four challenge Green MP to live for a week on 5 carbon credits 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 14.05.13 8:00am
United Utillities to be investigated over Waterboarding claims

more later...

Scronnyglonkle 14.05.13 7:01am