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God Forsakes His Early Work, Calls Bible "Trashy, Populist"

Popular spiritual writer God shocked literary audiences around the world earlier this weak with a stream of scathing invective against his most enduring work, The Bible. "A dark, angry being, whose...

0
Textbook 30.04.12 3:54am
Textbook
Office worker loses pen

John Smith turned up to work on Monday. He sat down. He reached for his pen. It wasn’t there. He looked for it for a while before having a cup of tea. Refreshed, he had another look. Still no luck....

7
Yikes 29.04.12 10:30pm
nickb
'Two out of four' children dont understand fractions 0
Underconstruction 29.04.12 10:03pm
Underconstruction
Infantry leader re-tweets 0
Underconstruction 29.04.12 10:00pm
Underconstruction
Comparison website apologises for advert "simply not annoying enough"

"We feel like we have not only let the public down, but ourselves too, said a representative for Compare-U-Ware website today. We could not come up with a daft dog, racist meerkat, singing oaf or...

0
Crippen 29.04.12 9:12pm
Crippen
Olympic Military Presence Causes False Starts Uproar

Athletes competing in this summer's London Olympics are reported to be up in arms (sic) at the prospect of a huge military presence at the Games. They fear that the firing of ground-to-air and...

0
GKen 29.04.12 8:29pm
GKen
AA Gill snears at BB King 8
nickb 29.04.12 7:56pm
nickb
Murdoch in market for more “free war” sports

Rupert Murdoch, the sinister 80 year old selective amnesiac media baron has expressed an interest in broadcasting sports events bundled with free mounting civil unrest. Last weekend’s Bahrain...

0
pitflaps 29.04.12 5:28pm
pitflaps
Seasoned traveller recommends vinaigrette sun cream 0
nickb 29.04.12 4:42pm
nickb
Lucky Strike smoker unluckily struck by Lucky Strike truck 0
nickb 29.04.12 4:42pm
nickb
Wettest drought since records began 0
Oxbridge 29.04.12 4:11pm
Oxbridge
Cameron says "No Grand deal with Murdochs", Its was several Hundred Grand

Brown envelope later...

0
virtuallywill 29.04.12 2:12pm
virtuallywill
Business News: Screwfix to market Viagra brand

Screwfix, the catalogue and online tool specialists are to market a new range of products under the Viagra brand., Explaining the move, Screwfix CEO John Thomas said 'Tools of all shapes and sizes...

1
weematt 29.04.12 12:55pm
Youngcrow
Train suicide man faces 45 year wait for train to heaven due to live man on line

Recently deceased, Martin Rackly, is one of a number of ex-persons awaiting access to heaven. Despite taking his own life by jumping in front of a train during rush hour just outside London, there is...

2
kga6 29.04.12 12:01pm
ronseal
IKEA sponsorship of superhero movie ill advised after Avengers Assemble failure 0
simonjmr 29.04.12 9:01am
simonjmr
UK Border Force prepared for "near catastrophic meltdown" over Olympics

The UK Border Force says it is now fully aware of the shit storm in which it will soon be engulfed, as millions of people from all over the world attempt to negotiate their way through the chaotic...

0
grumblechops 29.04.12 1:36am
grumblechops
Coroner's Court judges Gareth Williams MI6 death an open and shut case 2
charlies_hat 28.04.12 11:35pm
charlies_hat
Ground-to-air missile system to be sited on Eastenders Queen Vic during Olympics 0
Mandy Lifeboat 28.04.12 9:02pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Land-bank fraud victims told to invest in unicorn studs & money trees instead.

More stories of gullible folk soon...

0
MADJEZ 28.04.12 8:47pm
MADJEZ
Animal Cloning Arm of WWF to re-brand as WTF 0
allmyownstunts 28.04.12 6:35pm
allmyownstunts
James Naughtie vindicated 8
medici2471 28.04.12 6:03pm
nickb
Please Pull Our Shrowds Down When Your Finished

An Egyptian man who “mistakingly” thought that the Egyptian Farewell Intercourse Law had already been passed has been awarded undisclosed damages after his passionate farewell to his dead...

0
Youngcrow 28.04.12 5:16pm
Youngcrow
Maverick Taliban who doesn't do things by The Book is TV cop show smash hit

Abu Basada was no ordinary Taliban. He broke all the rules and the Mullahs in head office hated him - but he always got results. And now, he's coming out of retirement for one last case, a...

12
ronseal 28.04.12 4:55pm
Thor
MI6 death: chief tells maverick detective it's an open and shut case 2
ronseal 28.04.12 2:38pm
ronseal
Body in bag spy disliked MI6 ‘being padlocked inside a holdall’ culture

The spy found dead in a padlocked holdall hated the ‘flash sports bag and leathery confinement culture of the MI6’ , according to reports. Gareth Williams, 31, told his sister, Ceri Subbe, he...

5
Gary Stanton 28.04.12 2:03pm
beau-jolly
Customs officer asks MI6 spy "Did you pack yourself in this bag? More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 28.04.12 12:30pm
dominic_mcg
Pointless satire getting sharper 0
Ostsee 28.04.12 12:05pm
Ostsee
Goal line technologist changes his mind after being surrounded by Moan U players

Manchester United officials have announced they are ready for new decision making technology. In a trial of goal line technology at Old Trafford, a pack of angry Moan United players successfully...

0
ronseal 28.04.12 11:47am
ronseal
Border Control Agency announces height restrictions to reduce queues at UK ports

Human Rights groups have reacted angrily to news that a 1.9 metre height restriction is to be imposed at all Passport Control Desks for visitors to the UK., Head of Immigration and Alien Control,...

0
Underconstruction 28.04.12 11:08am
Underconstruction
BA announces economy seat leg room to be directly linked to the economy

British Airways Chief Executive Holly Dolly has announced that leg room in all of its economy seating areas will change in line with the growth or shrinkage of the economy., "This was an extremely...

0
Underconstruction 28.04.12 10:31am
Underconstruction