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Christmas To Be Moved To Summer To Avoid Clashing With Football

Also to improve safety for elderly nocturnal sleigh-drivers, with less snow on roofs. However one S Claus [an Eastern-European immigrant worker if ever there was one] has whinged that safety will...

3
Titus 09.10.13 2:54pm
Jesse Bigg
Channel 4 to broadcast Jellyfish Mating, "Box Sex" 0
james_doc 09.10.13 2:42pm
james_doc
Richard II's Death, New Evidence

New historical evidence re Richard II's death in Pontefract Castle, Yorkshire, now proves beyond doubt that he died of a combination of early cricketing and Pontefract Cakes. Hence the runs...

0
Jesse Bigg 09.10.13 2:35pm
Jesse Bigg
Badgers accused of 'Not Playing Fair'

Environment secretary Owen Paterson has defended extending the pilot Badger cull, complaining that whilst the Badgers initially played their part in the exercise, dutifully meandering around their...

0
Flugelbinder 09.10.13 1:41pm
Flugelbinder
'We want more sex programmes' say nation's household pets

Domesticated animals across the country claim they are being severely under represented in post watershed terrestrial programming and have demanded that there be more adult-themed entertainment aimed...

1
Robopop 09.10.13 1:29pm
Titus
Nobel Prize for Medicine Awarded to Bristol Grandmother

Stockholm 9th October – The Nobel Prize committee have announced that this year’s prize for Medicine has been awarded to Bristol resident Edna Sharples. The newest laureate was awarded this...

0
james_doc 09.10.13 1:00pm
james_doc
Brave penectomy patient awarded "No Bellpiece Prize" 0
Sinnick 09.10.13 12:13pm
Sinnick
Outrage as Lib Dem PMs to write off suicide tools under expenses

The Daily Mail has been up in arms this week after several Lib Dem members have admitted to writing off the various tools needed for their impending suicides under MPs expenses. The Mail says it’s...

0
JimHenson 09.10.13 11:56am
JimHenson
"Clear browsing history" to be made 11th Commandment

God has announced He can no longer stand idly by and watch the devastation caused by careless men who walk away from their PCs leaving their wives to gape in horror at the list of sites they've been...

5
sydalg 09.10.13 11:52am
sydalg
Silent church wins No-bell Prize 0
sydalg 09.10.13 11:40am
sydalg
EDL leader quits amid fears Simon and Garfunkel have designs on his wife 0
sydalg 09.10.13 11:36am
sydalg
12 year old from Hackney has mid-life crisis

Benji Hanwell, a 12 year old from Hackney, has had a mid-life crisis. Mates say the change happened suddenly, the moment Benji noticed he was starting to grow a beard. Since, they claim, Hanwell has...

3
TobiasBV 09.10.13 11:25am
TobiasBV
Tock is cheap, says discount watchmaker 0
sydalg 09.10.13 11:22am
sydalg
Queen 'too frail' to carry Commonwealth Games baton across 70 countries 0
custard cream 09.10.13 10:37am
custard cream
Cowell to Launch 'The Hunger Factor'

Following the downward slope of the X-Factor, with ratings dropping quicker than Cowell's label Syco can shed former contestants, the music mogul has come up with a new idea after watching movie 'The...

0
Flugelbinder 09.10.13 10:37am
Flugelbinder
'Shifty-looking' workmen lay perfect tarmac driveway for pensioner

A gang of workmen of a 'shifty' appearance have laid a perfect tarmac driveway for a Sheffield pensioner. 'My suspicions were aroused as they were shifty-looking, dressed suspiciously like workmen...

2
roybland 09.10.13 10:31am
roybland
BBC One +1 to be dedicated Maths channel 0
Sinnick 09.10.13 10:30am
Sinnick
Man says he actually wouldn't mind waking up as a gigantic insect

Retired supermarket worker Gregory Smith says it wouldn't bother him if one morning he woke up to discover he'd metamorphosed into a gigantic insect. 'I can't see it being a problem,' he said. 'A...

4
roybland 09.10.13 10:18am
MagicMike
Coalition to launch Help to Buy Bread Scheme

Chancellor George Osborne is to announce a plan to help people who at the moment can't afford to buy bread. About 60 million people will benefit from the Help to Buy Scheme, details of which have...

0
roybland 09.10.13 10:18am
roybland
Cancer cells "quietly confident" of beating human 5
Yikes 09.10.13 10:04am
MagicMike
Man United players rift over who's been most unwell

After a short run of bad form, the players of Manchester United have reportedly come to blows over who was most poorly during such lackluster performances. The trouble began when defender Rio...

3
TobiasBV 09.10.13 10:03am
MagicMike
Government To Privatise Royal Males

A spokesperson claimed that privatisation would increase efficiency in freeloading, reduce restrictive practices such as in-breeding and would encourage greater competition amongst sycophants. The...

1
paulo 09.10.13 9:57am
Titus
BBC launch BBC1 minus 1 - for those who can't wait for their programme to be on.

More an hour ago...

1
NewBiscuit 09.10.13 8:52am
Titus
God Denies Working In Mysterious Ways

Following a spate of natural and man-made disasters around the world since well, the year dot; hitherto unknown Turkey baster Paul Chinnup of King's Lynn, Norfolk, claims to have been selected to act...

9
Flugelbinder 09.10.13 8:10am
Flugelbinder
Warhol predicts "Every Newsbiscuit contributor to be famous for 15 megabytes" 1
Smart Alex 09.10.13 7:50am
Jesse Bigg
Wahay! Immigration Stats Lost In Space....

Clueless government's remedy..Send two vans round London, with anti-immigration slogans on the sides., Cor, what a cock up!...

0
Jesse Bigg 09.10.13 7:41am
Jesse Bigg
Dave renamed BBC1+1 year 3
Lens Cap 09.10.13 7:32am
Wrenfoe
5 year olds found to carry additional 'why' chromosome 11
cinquecento 09.10.13 7:31am
Wrenfoe
Cameron to set up Helpline for people who live in Hull

Following a recent trip to the north, David Cameron has pledged, if re-elected, he will set up a help-line to comfort people who live in Hull. The support group will be there 24/7 hours a day, he...

3
TobiasBV 09.10.13 7:14am
Squudge
Tommy Robinson leaves EDL for British Gas

more hot air soon...

3
Squudge 09.10.13 7:02am
Squudge