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Baddiel & Skinner rewrite chorus to 3 lions "We're going home" - just in case 0
simonjmr 19.06.12 10:09am
Farah trousers to blame for 80% of 1970's forest fires new research claims

New research published today clearly identifies the practice of wearing too tight Farah trousers in the 1970's a the main cause of forest fires. On a typical Sunday afternoon, the Farah wearing male...

simonjmr 19.06.12 10:06am
Coe Slams Olympic Torch Relay Detractors

In a sensational rant earlier today Lord Sebastian Coe has hit back at those suggesting the Olympic Torch Relay is quite possibly the biggest and dullest non-event ever to have taken place on British...

Duff 19.06.12 9:25am
Sir Cliff Was 'Wired For Sound' During Cold War

Recently declassified MI5 papers have sensationally revealed that Peter Pan of pop, Sir Cliff Richard, was secretly recruited by British intelligence services in the 60s as a frontline agent in the...

Duff 19.06.12 8:57am
Police dawn raids smash incandescent lightbulb ring.

Police have carried out 256 early morning raids across the breadth and width of the United Kingdom, aimed at apprehending a huge gang of incandescophiles. The arrests, all of men in their late...

Al OPecia 19.06.12 8:30am
Assassins complain about new EU rule that all hit-lists must be opt-in

Hit-men, assassins and serial killers are united in condemnation of new European Union rules that went into effect at midnight making it illegal to add anyone from the EU to any kind of "hit-list"...

bonjonelson 19.06.12 8:11am
Rogue electrician unearthed 1
cinquecento 19.06.12 8:11am
Tobacco Giant Denies Pick and Mix is Aimed at Kids

A row has broken out at the Bluewater Shopping Centre (Kent) over pick and mix cigarettes being on clear view of children. The new feature, supplied by British American Tobacco, (BAT) is believed to...

Radley 19.06.12 8:06am
The Voice's Bo Bruce releases first single - "I kissed an Earl and I liked it" 2
bonjonelson 19.06.12 7:42am
Athens KFC opening sparks fear of return of the colonels 1
medici2471 19.06.12 7:22am
nostra da mouse
Olympic athletes warned not to sell their free food 0
Dumbnews 19.06.12 4:05am
Microsoft celebrates launch of new tablet PC's with iPad giveaway 0
Dumbnews 19.06.12 2:42am
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall to campaign against discarding of celebrity chefs

Fresh from his success in persuading the EU to outlaw the discarding of dead fish, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall has pledged to bring about the end of the discarding of once popular celebrity chefs....

Mandy Lifeboat 18.06.12 11:23pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
300 Spartans to Join Greek Coalition

New Democracy leader Antonias Samaras has revealed plans to invite 300 Spartans to join his coalition government. "Frankly, we are getting nowhere because of German bullying, so now it's time for...

custard cream 18.06.12 11:18pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Channel 4 Unveils Bold New Programmes for Autumn

Channel 4 has announced details of a groundbreaking new detective series for its Autumn season. Building upon the upsurge in popularity for Scandinavian police shows, “A Fight to the Finnish”...

Iggy Pop-Barker 18.06.12 11:15pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Best Fans In The World Criticize Team, Praise Selves

The undisputed greatest supporters in football have slagged of their team while congratulating themselves for never slagging of their team., Football fan Tom Hutton said, ‘We never got down on our...

Hooch 18.06.12 11:13pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Nalbandian (adjective) becomes first Argentinian based word in English language

The latin, french and Germanic domination of the English language is facing a challenge from an unexpected source, as a plucky Argentine has contributed a new word that could keep lexicographers...

ronseal 18.06.12 11:07pm
Irish team return from Euro 2012 without a single punt 0
antharrison 18.06.12 9:30pm
Alan Turing "Unable to complete Sun crossword"

Despite being recognised as one of the greatest intellectuals since the emergence of mankind, Alan Turing, the man who broke the German enigma cypher and is regarded as the father of the computer was...

antharrison 18.06.12 9:29pm
Office of Fair Trading to police candy floss standards 0
nickb 18.06.12 9:14pm
Scientific First at Leveson Inquiry

In a surprising development, that would be worthy of science fiction, a leading lawyer and team of researchers from UCL have discovered the presence of a ‘yoctotruth’ whilst going over footage of...

Icias 18.06.12 8:00pm
China's population control plan in tatters "Just a bloody abortion" say critics 1
dvo4fun 18.06.12 7:52pm
Euro 2012 knockout stages to be decided by quality of female cutaway shots

I'm trying to work, but if anyone wants to knock this into a full, ahem, entry, then feel free...

exigo 18.06.12 6:22pm
Nick Clegg seen at Heathrow boarding plane to Greece to form a hurried Coalition 0
simonjmr 18.06.12 3:56pm
Nalbandian and line judge to meet on undercard of Haye vs Chisora fight

The boxing promoter Frank Warren has announced that David Nalbandian and the line judge he injured at Queen’s Club on Sunday will settle their differences in the boxing ring. Warren has wasted no...

Vertically Challenged Giant 18.06.12 3:45pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Concentration camps failing to deliver improved focus, finds OFT 0
pere floza 18.06.12 3:13pm
pere floza
Olympics Opening Ceremony Back-Track

Following all of the negative comment about his “Green and pleasant Land” feature of the London Olympics Opening Ceremony, Oscar winning film director, Danny Boyle, has hurriedly changed plans to...

Radley 18.06.12 2:36pm
Excitement builds ahead of Wimbledon as players add physical assault to game

This summer’s Wimbledon championships are set to be the most eagerly anticipated in history after the traditional warm up event at Queen’s club left blood on the immaculately manicured grass,...

Vertically Challenged Giant 18.06.12 2:19pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
ATP reverse their decision. Nalbandian won by a thigh break.

More lost Nalbandian entries not coming soon...

Not Amused 18.06.12 1:08pm
Not Amused
Landscape gardener's master plan for backyard ends in tiers 0
Nick McCarr 18.06.12 12:19pm
Nick McCarr