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Inhuman Resources

Dear ([i]enter your complete name here[/i]),, It seems this news could be awkward or queer,, And so we'd rather fire you by mail,, But cheer your spirits with this regale,, Of joyous rhymes all...

A.Parody 06.12.11 8:24pm
Teenage girls all in a tizzy as Eurozone duo announce plans to reform 2
simonjmr 07.12.11 12:38am
S & P put Swindon man on Negative Watch "just to be on safe side" 1
Drylaw 06.12.11 2:21pm
Eurozone launches its own ratings service 'Substandard & Pisspoor'.

More substandard and piss poor tickers soon...

Boutros 06.12.11 1:41pm
FHM: "Rohypnol, the Christmas Gift that says more about you than cash ever can" 5
dvo4fun 06.12.11 9:52pm
Archbishop of Canterbury asks nation: 'what would Jesus loot?'

The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams has addressed the nation's outrage over the summer riots, by claiming Jesus would have understood looters, and would probably have blamed the police....

06.12.11 9:45pm
Al OPecia
Union boss denies concrete block dropped on car was "Clarkson revenge" attempt 0
Son of Barnabas 06.12.11 12:47pm
Son of Barnabas
Duke of Edinburgh dies. Jeremy Clarkson applies for the job.

More soon....

Son of Barnabas 06.12.11 12:34pm
Son of Barnabas
NASA withdraw claim of Earthlike planet; "telescope was upside down."

NASA have had to make a humiliating confession that the claimed new planet discovery was actually the Earth through the wrong end of the telescope. "It's confusing", confessed a spokesman, "The 'look...

apepper 06.12.11 12:53pm
Insurance Company launches "Compare the Messiah" campaign for Christmas "He'll save the world! Simples!"...

Son of Barnabas 06.12.11 12:23pm
Son of Barnabas
Pandas at Duke of Edinburgh zoo told to fuck off back to China. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 06.12.11 12:06pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
"Black Mirror" pig now a humanality sex addict, Charlie Brooker slammed

The pig used at the denoument of Sunday's "Black Mirror" has today claimed that they have become addicted to sex with human beings, and that since filming the scene has had not support from the...

simonjmr 06.12.11 11:33am
Shock as news emerges of rich middle aged white men running politics

Recent news has emerged that groups of privately educated, well off, white individuals are exerting influence on politics behind the scenes. Until now, the general public were blissfully happy in...

Shandy 06.12.11 11:23am
SETI researchers give up as ET signal is decoded as 'The only way is Kepler 22b' 0
wallster 06.12.11 11:21am
Bankrupt landscape gardener blames NIMBYism 1
wallster 06.12.11 11:31am
Dog shelter charity start taking in abandoned pensioners

As the cost of retirement homes goes up and the standard of care goes down, well known dog shelter charity, the PDSA, have set up a separate sister charity for the sheltering of pensioners. ' We...

Perks 07.12.11 4:58pm
Major Clanger
Pandas will comfort the visiting homeless, claims Edinburgh Zoo finance director 0
medici2471 06.12.11 10:45am
Male giant pandas attempt image change

Male pandas today launched a PR offensive to try to reverse their ‘Bad Boy, Love them and leave them image’. Employing the services of a top Public Relations Company, today is the start of a...

fernandomando 06.12.11 10:25am
Kepler 22-b scientists use super telescope to observe the battle of Agincourt 4
charlies_hat 06.12.11 12:38pm
Standard & Poor's threaten to downgrade Kepler 22-b credit rating

Credit rating agency Standard & Poor's has today warned newly discovered planet Kepler 22-b that it may downgrade its AAA credit rating to AA if it fails to put appropriate measures in place to...

ianslat 06.12.11 10:21am
Appointment of Tintin as Foreign Minister breaks Belgian cabinet deadlock 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.12.11 8:44am
Duncan Biscuit
Border control concerns re-surface after two men in panda suits claim asylum 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.12.11 8:44am
Duncan Biscuit
Poets’ Corner memorial gives Ted Hughes fans something to crow about 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.12.11 8:43am
Duncan Biscuit
Edinburgh Zoo takes 2 pandas on a 10 year loan after Tevez fails to agree terms 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.12.11 8:42am
Duncan Biscuit
2011 Turner Art Prize exposed as a fake

The British art world is tonight reeling from the shock announcement that since 1994, the UK’s most prestigious award for ‘up and coming’ artists has in fact been a carefully staged pilot for a...

Username 06.12.11 12:42pm
Men around the world hail invention of the paracetamol-flavoured condom

I'm going to get in trouble for this one, I can tell...

bonjonelson 06.12.11 12:40pm
Comedy virus escapes into the wild

Red-nosed BBC staff may find themselves responsible for a serious outbreak of chuckles in an area of the UK previously thought to be devoid of any humour whatsoever. Moments after the start of a...

Username 07.12.11 5:49pm
Teens concerned about "faxting epidemic" among parents

Dumbnews 05.12.11 10:55pm
Smokers "spoil" Clarkson's bicycle tour of Chinese vegetarian eco-sanctuaries 1
Username 05.12.11 10:31pm
Lathe operator wins Turner prize. More soon. 5
dominic_mcg 06.12.11 2:56pm